As an elementary education major I noticed that nearly every text book I bought in college had a common adage used as a premise for why my career choice was so vital: 'It takes a village to raise a child". At the time I was eager & excited to be 'part of the village' that would cultivate little boys & girls into good, responsible men & women. Every time I heard that African proverb, I would swell with the anticipation of being a role model & educator, & I would feel the enormity of that pressure...indeed that is precisely the reason the authors used that quote as often as possible when training future teachers. I knew that as a teacher I would be with my students 8 hours a day, 5 days a week...as much if not more than their parents. I did not take that lightly. It is not coincidental that the same understanding was exactly the reason in which the Lone Ranger & I felt led for me to stay home with our children...if I did not then someone else would be with my daughters more than I was. I am fortunate to be able to stay home with my girls...I know that very many parents do not have that luxury...there is no condemnation here for the working mother. My heart goes out to you in how much it takes to work each day & then to come home & be a homemaker...that is a monumental task...one that I could not do. When I became a parent, I heard that adage used once again...this time in reference to the village that would help raise my child...my children. As I heard this expression, understood it's implications from another perspective, I became a little less comfortable with the concept.
Some part of me felt a sense of relief. As I looked at my tiny little girl, I was overwelmed with the responsibility & burden of training her up to be a godly woman...That proverb, insinuating that a village would help me raise her...well that was somewhat a consolation. I felt as though a little bit of that weight lifted from my shoulders...as though others were responsible for wearing the yoke with me. Friends, sisters & brothers, fellow parents...be wary of entrusting a village to raise your child...your children. I fear that we as a culture, believers & unbelievers alike, have embraced that adage to such an extent that we have parceled off the responsibility...the obligation...of our parenting onto the shoulders of others. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, teachers, pastors, Sunday School teachers, coaches, peers, & etc are in positions of training our children...of shaping & molding who they become. On one hand it is uplifting to know that others are placing significant effort into raising your child along with you, but on the other hand it becomes supremely important to discern that each influential role be one that is positive in nature. When we consider how many hours a day, a week, a month, a year are spent with our children being impacted, for better or worse, by someone/someones other than ourselves...well who that village consists of becomes of supreme, paramount importance.
Abba began speaking my heart, & to my husbands heart about the importance of that village. What if the village that was helping to raise my child was cannibalistic?! Does that sound ridiculous? Am I weird for even thinking that? But let's be honest...look at the world we live in. Oh certainly no one (other than sick few) actually eat the flesh of another human being, but beyond the physical sense...I would daresay that our culture, our world could quite conceivably be cannibals. Consider the self centeredness of society. We are highly cannibalistic in that there are those (many, many) who would do whatever it takes to get whatever they want...with little or no regard for the impact such actions have upon others. We live in a society in which over 80% say they believe in God, yet the morality of our culture proves how shallow such a statement is. I point all of this out only to say that while it just might take a village to raise a child...one must consider who that village consists of & that it is entirely possible & common to be raised without being raised well.
Here is some of what Abba says about raising up a child. (Bolded emphasis is mine)
"Train a child in the way he should go, & when he is old he will not turn from it." (Prov. 22:6)
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training & instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)
"Write these commandments upon your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children.' (Deuteronomy 6:6)
"( A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them." Proverbs 13:24)
I could keep going & have more references for anyone who would like them, but I think you see where I am heading...every reference to children & raising them places the parents as the one to do the raising. Am I saying that others should not be actively involved & influential to your child's life...absolutely not. I am saying it is highly imperative to choose carefully what village is raising (helping raise) your children. Be picky. Be cautious. Be certain that those who are pouring into your children are pouring in good things, things that reinforce what you are instilling. Be bold. Don't be afraid to share with those choice people your expectations...hold them accountable to reinforce your expectations. Perhaps a village indeed does help raise a child, but the obligation of parenting is yours...God does not take lightly the influence adults have upon innocent ones. Jesus said this, "It would be better to be thrown into the sea with a millstone hung around your neck than to cause one of these little ones to fall into sin." (Luke 17:2, Mark 9:42) Just to give some visual perspective, a millstone would have weighed approximately 130 lbs...Jesus was serious about the impact we have upon children (this can include immature in faith). Sisters & brothers, parents, & future parents...I firmly believe that Abba would have us to stop relying (as much) upon others...to stop shirking our duties in the raising of our children. I believe He would have us embrace & fulfill the blessed responsibility of training them up. No one can do it like you can...no one can love your child the way you love them...no one can dry his tears, kiss his scrapes...no one can lovingly discipline the way that you can...no one can understand their hearts the way that you can.
I will not argue nor dispute the fact that perhaps it does 'take a village to raise a child', but I will say this. You're the chief of your village...you decide who stays & who goes. You're the head honcho when it comes to saying who belongs in the life of your child. Choose wisely, be vigilant. If you are a villager who is helping to raise up a child...take that awesome responsibility seriously. Be respectful of the chief's rules...reinforce the chief's expectations...& pour in with all the love that Abba has placed within you. The Lone Ranger & I have very carefully chosen our village. I am so thankful & grateful for all of those who love our Darlings...we are a better family because of that influence...my girls will grow up better because of those who have poured into them. The Lone Ranger & I are vigilant, watchful over the interactions that occur & are ready to step & intervene if needed. My husband & I lean upon our villagers...we depend upon their wisdom & insight. We seek their counsel, but we also know that at the end of the day we alone are responsible for being godly parents to our girls. It is our duty...our calling.It is not an easy task to parent & raise children...indeed it is exhausting in every way...but it is vastly worth the effort. I began this post sharing about Sam Sheepdog & Ralph Wolf...each doing his job. Sam guarded the sheep, Ralph tried to get them.. We are the shepherds guarding our sheep...that's our job. Satan makes a good Wile E. It's his job to try to steal our sheep, our children...and he will do anything to get them. Just like Sam we've got to keep our eyes open & to be mindful of who gets near those sheep. My heart today is that we would embrace the commitment we made when we brought these precious children into the world (as well as those precious foster & adoptive parents who embrace another's child as your own)...'It takes a village to raise a child", but it most importantly takes a godly, loving, intentional Chief. Be Blessed This Day!
As promised here is the episode I described in my introduction:
Sam Sheepdog & Ralph Wolf: Woolen Under Where (1963)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOSuhxFo76o
