Titus 2 Woman: Submit to Your Husband

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'Likewise, tell the older women to behave the way people leading a holy life should. They shouldn't be slanderers or slaves to excessive drinking. They should teach what is good, thus training the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure,, to take good care of their homes and submit to their husbands. In this way, God's message will not be brought into disgrace.'

-Titus 2:3-5

Quality:

Submit: to yield oneself to the authority or will of another; to permit oneself to be subjected to something; to defer or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another.

Other Translation Wording:

Adapting & Subordinating themselves to their husbands (AMP), submissive to their own husbands (ESV), to be subject to their husbands (NIV)

Breakdown:

The mere mention of the word, 'Submit' causes women to act like rabid dogs. The hair on the back of their neck bristles, they bare their teeth, they snarl, &  to say that they are defensive is an understatement. I get it. I've been there. Before you continue reading this post, I'm asking you to leave any & all preconceived notions behind. As products of the feminist movement & skewed by the mindset they have indoctrinated us with, our understanding of Submission is about as far off base as can be. Understandably this is the quality that women struggle with the most, & certainly is one that they resent. I want to very clearly & biblically define what the principle of Submission is & what it is not....what it should be & what it should not be. I also want to address some very valid concerns that women have about the act of Submitting to their spouse. 

Explanation of the biblical principle of Submission in Marriage:

-A man's willing choice to yield to Christ's authority in his life & in the lives of his family.

-A woman's willing choice to respect her husband's God-given authority to act as leader within their marriage & within the family unit.  

-Christian Submission should stem from Agape (selfless love) & as such should be nothing to fear...because all parties are concerned with & act on behalf of the welfare of others. 

*It's worth noting that Satan's downfall resulted as an unwillingness to submit to The Lord.

Deciphering Truth from Myths:

Myth: Submission is a sign of internal weakness.

Truth: Submission is a sign of internal strength.

Consider the definition of submission. Merriam-Webster's dictionary uses the terms, 'yield', 'permit, 'defer', & 'consent' to define the act of submitting. Each of those words indicates a conscious choice, a decision, & a willingness to follow. I can't help but think that a woman's conscious & willing choice to respect her husband's leadership is a reflection of immense strength & certainly not a sign of weakness! True submission cannot be forced...cannot be bullied into being...it is an attitude, & only we can determine our mindset. In any given situation it is vastly easier to react the way we want, how we want, & when we want rather than to wait upon the guindance of someone else. Restraining impulse, respecting the opinion of another, & acting out their wishes (instead of our own) is the epitome of strength.

Myth: Submission is a practice of inequality.

Truth: Submission is an acknowleding acceptance of differences.

I find it ironic that our culture (that places such importance upon 'tolerance' & 'acceptance' of people who are different) is determined to deny & eliminate any & every distinction between the sexes. Physically it's apparent that men & women are not the same. Biologically the genders differ in terms of hormones. Neurologically the brains function in vastly difference ways. Even psychological studies have confirmed that males & females are as different as night & day, yet we become offended when discrepencies are pointed out. It is futile & foolish to deny the existence of those differences...ridiculous to have generation after generation of women surpressing their innate nature. Submission is not a practice of inequality so much as an embracing of individuality. It's acknowledging that we are equal, but different. Submission provides a framework that encourages men & women to fill roles organic to their nature...and as a result both will thrive. 

Myth: Submission is an act of oppression.

Truth: Submission is a gift of freedom.

The Feminist movement took the misfortune of a few & created an entire gender of victims...a wrong done to us merely by being born female. We've been brought up to believe that we are oppressed by a machoistic society, but sisters, very (VERY) few American women are slaves to anything. (I have however, seen quite a few men who appear to be bondmen to their overbearing wives). True submission doesn't paint a Cinderella Portrait...the conotation of this concept brings to mind images of being a maid to our man, but that's not the idea at all. Submission is an attitude. Remember that submitting is a choice, & choosing to respect your husband is in no way oppression...indeed if anything it is freeing. Do you ever grow overwhelmed by wearing 100 hats (wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee, coach, maid, plumber, contractor, accountant, electrician, & etc.) & trying to wear them perfectly? Do you ever get tired of being everything to everyone constantly? Do you feel burdened...as though the weight of the world is on your shoulders? Submission provides some freedom from all of that. By allowing your spouse to lead & govern certain responsibilities (scripture allots clear roles to men), you get to take off some of those hats that add to your stress...hats that belong on your husband's head in the first place...and there is freedom in giving up the reins. This was one myth that I truly bought into & was astounded by the freedom that I received when The Lord began to cultivate a submissive heart within me.

Myth: Submission is lopsided & gender exclusive.

Truth: Submission is a practice intended for & beneficial to both genders.

It is commonly thought that submission is a concept meant only for women, but in reality everyone (men, women, & children) have a responsibility to submit. Romans 13:1-7, Hebrews 13:17,  Titus 3:1, & 1 Peter 2:13-25 speak to citizens' duty to defer to their government. 1 Peter 5:5 commissions younger people to submit to older people. 1 Corinthians 11:3 addresses men's responsibility to yield to Christ. Without the framework of submission, chaos would ensue. It would be the proverbial case of too many roosters in the hen house, or too many chiefs & not enough indians. For precisely the same reason, countries have governments & businesses have CEO's. Within the relm of marriage, submission is a blessing to both husband & wife. Women, who by their nurturing nature assume responsibility for anyone & anything, have a partner whom they can lean on...a strong shoulder to place some of that burden upon. Men, who innately yearn to be hero & protector, thrive because they are needed. Both benefit. 

Concerns:

1. If my husband is not a believer or is young in faith, should I still submit?

1 Corinthians 7:12-16, encourages husbands or wives with nonbelieving spouses to stay in the marriage, & to love them in such a way that they might come to know Jesus through their example. If your husband is a nonbeliever & is a good man (not one who would ask you to sin), then I believe you should submit. Your willingness to respect his authority might very well spur him into leadership & in turn by your example he might come to know The Lord.  In terms of your family, you will have to bear the weight of being the spiritual guide to your children until your husband comes to faith. If your husband is a new believer, by all means submit! A new faith is a growing faith. Encourage that growth, not by touting scriptures & chiding him about what he should be doing, but by letting him lead. Ask him to pray before meals & at bedtime. Bring a piece of scripture to him, & ask for his help in understanding it. Brag on the wonderful man that he is (publicly). These little acts of 'needing him' & putting faith in his abilities will increase his confidence & foster his desire to continue growing spiritually.   He will know that you are counting on him...and that you believe he is capable of leading your family. 

2. My husband is timid & doesn't want to lead. What do I do?

Of course he's timid & doesn't want to lead! Generations of women have berated & walked all over men who try to take the reins...& as a result men are now more prone to follow rather than lead. Both genders need to clear out the old mindset & to learn the new. If you desire for your husband to be the leader of the family, then you have to step back & leave a void that needs filled. If you step in & take command, then there is no reason (or room) for him to take charge. Do you give your husband opportunities to lead? Do you ask for his opinions, advice, & input? Do you ask for his help? (not just the nitty gritty gross task you don't want to do, but to help in something that you feel he could do a better job at than you could) When he does step up & lead, how do you react? Do you argue/whine/balk/nag about his decisions? If your husband knows that conflict arises each time he takes initiative, then he will cease doing so. If you are a 'know it all', then he will not attempt to guide you. Commit to developing an attitude of submission. Sit down with your husband & humbly apologize for the times & ways in which you have disrespected him, robbed him of his authority. Encourage him to be the leader of the family, assure him of your need for his guidance. After that, bite your tongue, clench your fists, sit back, & let him lead. It may take time, but he will rise to the occasion. Remember, he is hardwired to fill this role! God has given him the heart of a hero!

3. It's not in my nature to submit. I'm a take charge, perfectionist person, how do I let him lead?

By sheer willpower. If the pursuit of righteousness & the desire to be a godly woman is strong enough within you, you will dig deep for the strength it takes to submit. Trust me, I know. I am an OCD perfectionist who wants things done the right way (my way). It was very hard for me to relinquish control & to allow my husband to take the helm. Time & again I have hurt, embarassed, & degraded my husband with my compulsive need to be in command. After nearly 7 years of trying to learn this principle of submission, I only just now feel like I am conquering the beast of feminism. There are certainly areas of our lives in which my take charge nature is a blessing. It results in a well run home, the ability to train up our daughters, & to write this blog. Channeled in the right way my boldness is an asset, but untempered it results in disrespecting & demasculating my husband...that's wrong. In any situation that would cause your husband to feel 'unmanly' tamp down on your urge to take charge...give him the opportunity to do so.

4. After a lifetime of being told to be a strong independent woman, how do I begin to submit?

Acknowledge first & foremost that a submissive nature is what God wants for you. Ephesians 5:21-33, 1 Corinthians 14:34, 1 Peter 3:5-6, & Colossians 3:18 cover the topic of submission in marriage...pour over them & pray. Ask The Lord to begin removing the old mindset & instilling His vision within you. Have an open & honest conversation with your husband. Convey a desire for him to lead. Ask his thoughts on areas in which he would like to take charge. I encourage you to have him cite a couple of situations in which he has felt as though you did not need/respect his authority...don't get defensive! We need to hear our husbands say that they want to lead, & part of that is acknowledging that we do not let them. There are 2 tactics towards beginning to practice submission: baby steps or giant leaps. You can begin to cultivate your submissive nature in small steps...tiny incremental acts of respect (such as letting him drive when you travel together). You can leap headlong into submission with a giant leap...defer to him as often as possible, make utterly clear that he is the head of your household (get his green light before making decisions). I can promise you that either tactic will reap great rewards...for both of you.

Submission is a touchy subject, & it's ideology goes against the grain...but it is a quality that Abba desires for us to possess, & when done right it is an immense blessing! I truly believe that a great deal of strife within families can be rememdied by developing a submissive heart. If you are interested in learning more & going deeper, I have several other posts written about this topic (just search for submission at the right of this page). Be Blessed!

Previous Titus 2 Posts:

• Becoming a Titus 2 Woman
• Mentorship
• Behavior
• Gossips
• Addiction
• Love Your Husband
• Love Your Children
• Self-Controlled
• Pure
• Homemaker

Titus 2 Woman: Homemakers

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'Likewise, tell the older women to behave the way people leading a holy life should. They shouldn't be slanderers or slaves to excessive drinking. They should teach what is good, thus training the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to take good care of their homes and submit to their husbands. In this way, God's message will not be brought into disgrace.'

-Titus 2:3-5

Quality:

Homemaker: one who manages a household, especially as a wife & a mother

Other Version Wordings:

homemakers (AMP), be busy at home (NIV), to work in their homes (NLT)

Breakdown:

For the female gender the decision of whether to be a career-homemaker or a working woman has become a highly controversial issue. Feminists deem women who choose to be homemakers as weak, needy, without ambition, oppressed, & behind-the-times in terms of principal. On the other end of the spectrum there are those who judge the working woman & perceive them as callous, unfeeling, selfish, greedy, & arrogant. Each mentality is inaccurate & hurtful. I hope that you can see my heart within this post...I hope that you know I am not picking sides. Despite being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) now, I spent the 2 1/2 years of marriage (first 6 months of Goldilocks' life) working as much as possible. I have great empathy for the working mom who spends all day earning a paycheck & then comes home to make supper, do the laundry, clean the house, play with her children, & dote on her husband all before bedtime...and then does it all again the next day. I equally know how great the task is of being a career homemaker. Your entire existence, 24 hours a day 7 days a week, is work...you never escape it...there is no break, & to top it all off there certainly is no paycheck (monetary at least). The intention of this post is not to debate the issue of whether or not women should pursue careers outside the home. I fully believe (& know) that Abba instills a conviction, a 'knowing' on this matter within the heart of a woman...you don't need me or anyone else to tell you what you ought to be doing with your time. That issue needs to be navigated between husband & wife...between them & God. The purpose of this blog, of this Titus 2 Series, & of this post is to biblically define Abba's vision & plan for women's lives...the role they should fill. Despite society's & Feminists' declaration that there should be no distinction between the sexes, Abba says otherwise...and to my thinking, His opinion is the only one that matters. 

Titus 2 lists 9 qualities that a godly woman should possess, homemaking is one of them. The Complete Jewish Bible translates the admonition as, 'to take good care of their homes.' One can consider 2 aspects of homemaking: physical & mental.

 The physical side of keeping house is highly laborious...it's a whole lotta work! Doing laundry, washing dishes, dusting, mopping, sweeping, vacuuming, budgeting, baking, cooking, grocery shopping, organizing, cleaning, managing schedules, & yard work...are incredibly time consuming (not to mention unending)...and that list doesn't even include all that goes into taking care of children & a husband (I'm sorry if that offends Feminist sensibilities). The physical side of keeping house is demanding to say the least...and God wants us to do it well. Proverbs 31:10-31 describes a virtuous wife...and the vast majority of the description is of housekeeping tasks. Here's a brief vignette of the P31W (Proverbs 31 Woman): 

-She spins wool & thread, to make clothing & blankets (vs. 13,19)

-She gets groceries (vs. 14)

-She rises early...before dawn...to cook breakfast (vs. 15)

-She manages the household's schedule (vs. 15)

-She budgets & invests (vs. 16)

-She contributes income (vs. 16, 18, 24)

-She gardens to provide food for family & income (vs. 16)

-She stays up late getting her work done (vs. 16)

-She meets her family's needs (vs. 21, 22)

Sound familiar? Even thousands of years later the demands of life have changed very little. In order to even complete all of her tasks, the P31W gets up early & stays up late...a sacrifice she's willing to make, by the way. That willingness to sacrifice, that Agape, brings us to the other aspect of homemaking, the mental side. Completing those countless housekeeping tasks, & completing them well, requires a certain mindset...a positive one. How often do you finish the umpteenth load of laundry only to find the hamper half full again? How long after you wash dishes is the sink piled high? How often do you fix supper only to serve it & see looks of disgust? How quickly do the weeds return to the flower bed after being pulled? Endless frustration arises in housekeeping because of how quickly completed tasks need doing all over again. It is very, very, VERY easy to become depressed, aggravated, disheartened, & generally unpleasant in those circumstances. How does the P31W handle her chaotic life? 

'She is energetic & strong, a hard worker.' -Proverbs 31:17 

'She is clothed with strength & dignity, & she laughs without fear of the future.' -Proverbs 31:25

'When she speaks, her words are wise, & she gives instruction with kindness.' -Proverbs 31:26

'She carefully watches everything in her household & suffers nothing from laziness.' -Proverbs 31:27

The P31W takes it all in stride...not only that, she thrives & flourishes. Does this in any way mean that she doesn't have bad days? Absolutely not, she's human. Does it mean that she doesn't get overwhelmed or frustrated? Not at all, but she doesn't wallow in it. The P31W knows how to Cowgirl Up. When the going gets tough, she doesn't sit down & cry (or she might for a minute), she pulls herself together, & gets the job done. It's not always easy, it's not always pleasant, but she does what needs doing...because that's Agape (selfless love). A godly woman knows that while her husband is the head of the home (darn those roles!), she's the heart. She sets the tone, creates the aura, & determines the vibe of the home. A woman (in the glory that is her sensitive, emotional, & nurturing God-given nature) has the ability to create an oasis amidst a desert. The softness or her voice, the tenderness of her hand, the thoughtful homey touches create a place of a refuge for her family. Equally true is that her curt temper, stinging remarks, & begrudging performance of duties yields tension & anxiousness. An integral part of homemaking is being the heart of the family. 

'It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a nagging wife.' -Prov. 21:9

'A continual dripping on a rainy day & a nagging wife are alike.' -Prov. 27:15

'A wise woman, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.' -Prov. 14:1

In addition to Proverbs 31:10-31 & all the other verses cited in this post, 1 Timothy 5:14 also speaks to women fulfilling the role of homemaker. While all the world may argue over whether or not a woman should be a homemaker, scripture is clear that according to Abba there is no debate...If a woman marries, if she has children, then she is to be a homemaker. As I said before, whether or not she works outside the home or not is between she & her husband (them & God)...but regardless there is a role for her to fill in the home. This is an expectation of a godly woman. This is a twofold responsibility (physical & mental) of one who enters the marriage covenant & who brings life into the world.

Application:

There are women who are capable of, & who succeed at, managing a career along with the responsibility of homemaking. There are other women who have made the very act of homemaking their sole profession. Within either position there are some questions that need to be asked.

Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM): Simply being home full time does not necessarily a good homemaker make. It is very easy to neglect responsibilities, simply because you are surrounded by them at all times. We need to ask ourselves a few questions:

1. Am I intentional with my time? Do I engage with my husband & children or do I tune them out? Do I interact with them or do I distract them with toys & technology so that I can do my own thing? 

2. Is there order to my home or chaos?

3. Do I complete my responsibilities proactively or am I always behind?

4. As the Heart of the home, what aura do I create for my family to come home to?

Simply being physically present is not enough. As a SAHM time should be spent intentionally, not wasted in idleness. It is very easy to become prideful of the fact that we 'sacrifice' by staying home, but there's nothing to brag about if we aren't doing our job well. 

Workforce Women: Along with the responsibility of employment, you bear the weight of homemaking. It's incredibly hard to juggle it all & to let nothing fall to the wayside. To truly evaluate how well that task is working there are a few questions to ask:

1. Are you aware of the impacts & influences of caretakers, educators, peers, & etc. on the lives of your family? Are you confident of & in agreement with what they input into your children?

2. Can you mentally & physically manage the homemaking tasks in addition to work?

3. At the end of the work day, does your family get the best part of you or only what's left over?

4. What consumes you, what is your passion & priority? Does work take precedent over family?

There are women who can wear all the hats & wear them well. The priority of wives & mothers must always first be the home (family)...the career has to take a backseat in terms of importance. Be vigilant about those who care for your children when you are working. Try to ensure that this care reflects your parenting tactics & values as much as possible. 

As I close, I want to acknowledge a certain league of women who want to stay home, but cannot/do not. There are women whose hearts yearn to be SAHM's but for who lack the support of their spouse or financially are strained. I know how hard that is. When I was first married, my husband liked the idea of me being home but didn't think it would be possible. He felt that I should work until it was financially possible for me to stay home. I respected his stance & continued working, but I also prayed that if staying home was God's will that He would allow John to feel as strongly about it as I did. Abba was faithful. My husband came home one day & had made the decision that I would stay home. We made sacrifices, did without, had tight weeks, & trusted that both Abba & John would provide...they always, ALWAYS have. If your heart longs to be home, but finances are tight & your husband is not supportive, pray for him, submit to him, honestly examine needs vs. wants, consider alternatives (part-time work or work-from-home opportunities) & be willing to make sacrifices. Abba will reward & honor the willingness to be obedient to that call. 

Feminist Movement or not, trend of the culture or not, women who are wives & mothers have a God-given role to fill as homemaker...allow no one to degrade the high calling that is! Be Blessed.

Previous Titus 2 Series Posts:

• Becoming a Titus 2 Woman                              
• Mentorship
• Behavior
• Gossips
• Addiction
• Love Their Husbands
• Love Their Children
• Self-Control
• Pure

Titus 2 Woman: Pure

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"Likewise, tell the older women to behave the way people leading a holy life should. They shouldn't be slanderers or slaves to excessive drinking. They should teach what is good, thus training the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to take good care of their homes and submit to their husbands. In this way, God's message will not be brought into disgrace.'

-Titus 2:3-5

Quality:

Pure: free from harshness; free from dust, dirt, or taint

Other Translation Wording:

Chaste (AMP)

Breakdown:

There are commercials for a particular fast food restaurant (Hardee's, I'm going to call you out...Shame on You!) whose content is so vulgar that they make my face blush & my blood boil. It's not an exaggeration to say that they are nearly pornographic. Commercials advertising for condoms are equally as expilicit. One might expect such behavior from the media, but even our government has an agenda to make sex casual & 'normal'. Legislation has been passed in many states that requires public schools to begin teaching Sex Education in Kindergarten...KINDERGARTEN. Your 5 year old may soon come home from school telling you about the Letter 'G', the color Green, & homosexuality. Previous generations of women felt scandalous as the hem of their skirts went from ankle to knee...then from knee to thigh. The future culture of women, now little girls, will never know such feelings of breaking boundaries...quite simply because there are none. From the get-go, young girls begin to guage their self-worth by the way a boy responds to them. Very early on they learn that the desired response is achieved by strutting around in revealing attire...and so reveal they do, long before they're even developed those bumps & curves. They feel no scandal or shame at their lack of modesty because they've never known the alternative. Not very long after learning to get attention via lewd dress, young girls also figure out that keeping it requires more...

As I researched statistics for this post, I was astounded by the way the studies are worded...as if the stats are good. For example one study said this, 'Only 13% of adolescents have had sex by age 15...'

I read that & felt sick...while scholars seem to think thats a minute amount, I find it terribly disturbing! 6% (I'm going to go ahead & call them children) by age 13 have had sex. By age of 19, 7 out of 10 teens have had intercourse. 

Sadly enough those statistics are not entirely shocking, as I said the media & government do a pretty good job of making both sex & sexuality matters of little import...but I had to wonder what the numbers might say in terms of the Christian community. Maybe these facts will surprise, & yes shock, you. 80% of unmarried 'evangelical' Christians (between ages 18-29) have engaged in intercourse. If that statistic speaks of intercourse...can you even imagine what the numbers would say about all the sexual activity that comes before the full act itself?! True Love Waits?  Evidently not for many. 65% of women obtaining abortions claim to be either Protestant or Catholic...65%. Merely 'Googling' that query brought up forum after forum debating whether or not the Church should remove the 'Sting' of Premarital Sex...should the Body alter it's standards & expectations since society has so readily accepted promiscuity & since the statistics are proof that Christians do too? We cannot allow ourselves to be deceived...we cannot permit our guilt-ridden conscious to be eased. Abba is unchanging, & scripture is clear...sex outside of marriage (in any shape or form, for any reason) is WRONG. No 'ifs, ands, or buts'. 

Malachi 3:6 'I am God-Yes, I am. I haven't changed...'

James 1:17 'Every good & perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.'

Numbers 23:19 'God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind.'

Our society, our culture, & even our government might ebb & flow in terms of morality, but the God of the universe does NOT. He is the same yesterday, today, & tomorrow...and as His children we are expected to conform to His standards, not the world's. Regardless of the statistics, despite how many are 'doing it', the expectation of Purity for believers remains...whether we want it to or not, whether we meet that expectation or not. One has to wonder though, given the way that intimacy has been cheapened & promiscuity has been encouraged, is it even possible for a believing woman (or girl) to remain pure? 

1 Corinthians 10:13 'No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.'

Titus 2:3-5 lists the quality of Self-Control right before the trait of being Pure...that's no coincidence. The ability to be pure & to remain that way will require a good dose of willpower. Scripture is clear that Abba will offer an escape route when temptation comes, but there's no guarantee that the route will be an easy one...taking it, choosing the high road, will require Self-Control. Knowing that we are capable, even if it's terribly difficult, then begs us to question; How? Surrounded by & inundated with sex at every turn, calloused to immodesty, how do we avoid sexual impurity? More importantly, how do we begin changing the trend so that our children do not fall into the category of those 80% who succumb to the pressure? 

When I consider the scripture that speaks to Purity, I see 2 tactics: Flee & Focus.

1 Corinthians 6:18 'Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.'

Colossians 3:5 'Put to death therefore what is earthly in you; sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, & covetousness, which is idolatry.' 

It would be nearly impossible in this world to avoid sexual immorality...it's everywhere; t.v., internet, books, & the public behavior of others...but we most certainly can Flee when we encounter it. It can be as easy as turning the channel when that vulgar Hardee's commercial comes on, or perhaps more drastic measures are needed...maybe it's time to truly consider the necessity of satellite or cable at all. Let me tell you, I have even seen inappropriate commercials on even the Disney Channel, & ABC Family is full of shows that encourage & glamorize promiscuity & alternative lifestyles...when it comes to  media, not 1 channel is wholesome...unless it is on the Christian networks. Much as we would hate to do without our favorite Prime Time programming, I fear we may very well be approaching the time in which we have to weigh the importance of watching 'The Voice' compared to protecting our children (even our spouses) from the lure of lust. So much do we rely upon entertainment that we cringe to even think of deactivating our televisions, but sisters, when 80% of single young Christians are engaging in sex & when over half of all abortions are committed by those who claim membership in the Church, we've got to make some changes. One way or another, mild or extreme, it's time to Flee. We are fooling ourselves if we think that struggles for purity are limited to the young unmarrieds. Marriages are torn apart by affairs (physical & emotional), & relationships between man & wife are strained by lusts. Media has made crossing boundaries of propriety EXTREMELY easy & tempting. Merely opening the internet browser can bring up indecent pictures. Billboards, commericials, magazines, & etc. fuel fantasies & make appealing intimacies beyond that offered by wives. Romance novels are rife with glorified scenes of romance & lovemaking that women long for...and that glamorization makes them dissatisfied with their marriage bed. Our husbands are tempted at nearly every turn...it's unavoidable. Women are disillusioned by an overly glamorized & romantacized portrayal of intimacy & begin seekingthat attention elsewhere. Scripture is clear that it is possible to resist temptation, & that God does provide an escape route...but we have to be willing to take it, & to sacrifice whatever is necessary to do so. Am I saying that every believing family should disable television & internet, no...but maybe some families should. Only you can truthfully examine the ways that sexual immorality is invading your family, & only you know the impact that is having...only you can decide how to deal with it. What I will say is this, some degree of Fleeing will be necessary if you, your spouse, & your children are going to remain pure.

The second course of action is to Focus. 

Matthew 6:21 'For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.'

Philippians 4:8 'Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.'

When our lives revolve around worldly things, our lives our going to look worldly. When our lives revolve around godly things, our lives are going to look godly. When we emphasize materialism, beauty, popularity, & success...guess what's going to be important? When we place importance upon integrity, character, wisdom, & rightousness...guess what we will strive towards? Very naturally, the things that are important to us...that take up our time & attention...mold who we are. When we set our focus Abba, His plan, His desires, & His standards, we tune out the distractions of the world. Godly fellowship, clear boundaries, & vocal (& physcal) declarations of standards all go a long way towards maintaining purity. It's also important to note that idle, unintentional time very often & very easily leads towards sin. If fellowship (hanging out with people) does not have a reason or agenda, it can very easily lead to opportunities for temptation. Idle channel surfing & internet browsing very easily (often accidently) place immorality before our eyes. We need to be aware. We need to be focused. 

Application: 

Singles: Set clear boundaries of expecation for yourself. Many people categorize purity by whether or not one has engaged in intercourse, but intimacy often occurs long before that act. Determine in your mind what your boundary line is (hand holding, embracing, cuddling, kissing, perhaps more...) & do not cross it...don't even flirt with the line. While I practiced abstinence, I can't say enough how much I wish my boundary line had been much more strict. If I could go back, hand holding would have been my personal limit...to this day I regret that it was not. There is emotional intimacy (especially for females) in every physical connection...even in something as intimate as hand holding. That intimate connection stays with you & brings baggage into the next relationship. If you are in a dating or courtship relationship, have the discussion with your boyfriend. Establish the boundary line verbally, and then guard against crossing it. Time spent in seclusion & being isolated is a bredding ground for temptation. I strongly encourage group dating rather than one-on-one...always have a chaperone who isn't afraid to hold you accountable. Guys, don't open the magazines...don't fill curiousity via pornography. Those things begin an increasing addiction that requires more & more to be satisfied, & they make 'boring' what should be sacred. Learn self-control & perfect the art of fleeing. Girls, close the novels & forget the chick flicks. Glamorized & romanticized lovemaking is not the norm...there will not always be rose petals, candles, wine, & soft music. That disillusionment will yield resentment & breed a need for excitement. Be modest. There is an entirely attractive & even seductive quality to being classy. If a man looks at you & wonders about your morality, consider a wardrobe change. Flee every chance you get, & Focus on who you are in Him. If you have already made mistakes & crossed boundaries, make a choice to put an end to your impurity. Repent, change your ways, & start anew. Previous mistakes do not make it okay to make future ones.

Marrieds/Parents: The vow between you doesn't automatically mean that there will be no temptation. Keep your marriage pure. Find sexual fulfillment in one another. Intimacy has been given a bad wrap in the Christian culture made out to be entirely about reproduction & nothing about pleasure. God had more in mind for intimacy in marriage...it is wholly permissable & good to enjoy sex with your spouse. Having a healthy & happy love life within the marriage certainly aids in keeping sexual immorality at bay. Social media, & technology in general have made temptation readily available & easy to act upon. Set boundaries. Do not privately message, email, or text someone of the opposite gender. Be certain that friendships with the opposite gender include their spouse & yours. The same concepts of Flee & Focus apply to those who are married. As parents there is a whole additional layer to maintaining purity...your children are absorbing everything. They are watching your standard of morality in your marriage & in what you allow into the family. Set standards of propriety in regards to dress, socializing, & media intake. Be cautious with bestowing freedoms to early.  Rid your lifestyle of any & every impurity that you can...it's worth the sacrifice. Early on, tween age, begin speaking to your children about abstinence & purity...becareful to not merely define purity as abstinence. Purity is mental, emotional, as well as physical. Passport to Purity by Family Life is an excellent source with a fantastic way of introducing this concept. Uphold an expectation of purity for your children, & display how it's done by making your marriage an example. If sexual immorality has occurred within your marriage or in the lives of your children, hope is not lost. Stop the behaviors & determine to move forward in purity. Past mistakes do not make permissable or excusable future ones.

We need to know & acknowledge that Purity is not merely physical...it's mental & emotional as well. Boundaries can be violated via conversations & fantasies. We need to have a high standard of Purity, to perfect the art of fleeing when necessary, & to focus on Abba so that there is not room or opportunity for sexual immorality. The lack of this quality in our lives has wreaked much havoc & has caused much heartache & hurt. The consequences are long lasting & life altering. It's time to make the changes needed, to take Abba's escape route, in order to achieve Purity in our lives. Be Blessed.

Previous Titus 2 Posts:

-Becoming a Titus 2 Woman                            

-Mentorship                                                      

-Behavior

-Gossip

-Addiction

-Love Their Husbands

-Love Their Children

-Self-Control