The other day as The Lone Ranger (my husband), the Darlings (my daughters), & I were walking through the woods, & my man mentioned that it was about time to stockpile firewood & to get the chimney cleaned out. Out here in our little oasis, we still do some things the old-fashioned way, & heating our home with a wood stove is one of them. The Lone Ranger grew up that way, & after a few years of high electric bills...well we decided that smoke rolling from the chimney would be a welcome sight. Up went the chimney, & down came the chainsaw. The idea of building & maintaining a fire was pretty daunting in my eyes, but under The Lone Ranger's tutelage, & with the incentive of free heat, I have learned the basics. As we strolled through the woods, making plans to redd-up for Winter, God began to speak to my heart. As my Abba often does, He uses the mundane to bring understanding to the profound. My mind began to ponder the fire building & hearth keeping skills that I've acquired...the vast majority learned through trial & error...mostly error. Suddenly the everyday task of keeping the stove burning became a metaphor for keeping a relationship strong. I realized that the tips I'd learned for building & maintaining a roaring fire were applicable to building & maintaining a vigorous marriage, sturdy family bonds, & solid friendships. I hope this blesses you just as it has blessed me...
Lesson #1: Don't let the fire burn out.
Once The Lone Ranger & I began heating our home with the wood stove, it didn't take me long to figure out that the worst mistake I could make was to let the fire burn out. One day I picked up one of the Darlings & realized her toes were little icicles. I ran over to the thermostat & gasped as I saw it was only 60 degrees in the house. In my busyness I'd forgotten to add more wood to the fire. I took the poker & stirred around hoping to find some smoldering coals. In the dead of winter it doesn't take long for a house to get cold if the fire has gone out. The way to be sure there's continued heat is to keep the fire going.
Relationships are quite like these smoldering coals. They need time & attention in order to thrive. Just as a fire dies out without additional wood, just as coals smolder in ashes, so do relationships wither when we are not attentive. Former good times, memories of days gone by, can only keep a relationship going for so long. Without new memories, without investment in one another, eventually the bond smolders & dies out. Even a marriage that once resembled a wild fire with it's all encompassing passion can eventually become nothing more than a dying ember. The deepest of friendships can be reduced to ashes. I have experienced the pain that comes with such a loss, but I have also experienced the wonder of rekindling the flame. Coals can be buried among ash & smolder from quite some time, but when left entombed they eventually burn out. As long as a few coals burn red, that fire can be coerced back to life. Relationships suffering & struggling are like those smoldering coals, as long as there is even the tiniest bit of fondness left hope remains.
Lesson #2: Bring smoldering coals out from under the ashes & let air permeate them to rekindle the flame.
When The Lone Ranger sees that the fire in the stove is dying out, he leaps into action. He digs out the red embers, pushes aside the ashes, & gently blows air onto the coals. Like magic they begin to crackle & burn brighter. He carefully touches kindling to the embers & before I know it small hopeful flames are leaping forth. Gently, patiently The Lone Ranger continues adding kindling to the increasing flames before finally adding several logs to the flame. Before my eyes, he's coaxed the fire back to life, & is reminding me to be more mindful of tending to it. Struggling & suffering relationships are so very similar to those smoldering coals. At first glance we often write off those relationships as hopeless or as lost, but upon further inspection we often find that buried among the rubble of either inattentiveness or conflict, love remains. If that is so then there is hope! We must uncover that love, setting aside the rubble of hurt feelings. We must breathe new life into that relationship. Forgiving, forgetting, & moving forward are the first steps to reviving the bond. Trusting anew & sharing with one another are like the kindling to that ember. These little acts of faith ignite & restore life into the relationship.
Lesson #3: Smoke needs to go up & out not down & in.
One day I set out to surprise my Lone Ranger by having a roaring fire ready & waiting for him when he came home. I knew he would be home any minute so I quickly tossed some wood into the stove, poured on a little lighter fluid, & lit the match. Big mistake! In my haste I did a poor job & the result was my weary husband returning to a house filled with smoke! Lesson learned. A fire not built correctly will draw the smoke down the chimney & in to the house. Patiently The Lone Ranger put out my pitiful flame & showed me how to properly stack the wood & start the fire. The flames sprang to life & with a whistle the flue began drawing the smoke up the chimney. How often do we hastily spout out words without thinking, jump to conclusions, or make rash judgments? The results of such behavior is often hurt feelings, bruised egos, & a chasm within the relationship. Just like my incorrectly built fire caused smoke to pour into our home, so does unhealthy handling of conflict billow hurt & destruction into our relationships. When conflict arises, & it will occur, we need to handle the strife properly & delicately. We need think before we speak, we need to carefully choose our battles, & we need to consider all perspectives before reacting. When we approach differences with forgiving hearts & with understanding attitudes the tension can be broken & can dissipate. Just as the smoke of a properly built fire flows up & out the chimney, the hurt of a disagreement can be released when we send it up to our Father & let it out of our hearts.
Lesson #4: Leaving something on a hot surface is a bad idea!
One evening I headed down the stairs with my flashlight, set it on the stovetop, opened the doors, & proceeded to build up the fire. By the time I closed the doors the fire was roaring & heat was oozing from the stove. I made my way back upstairs & carried on with my tasks as usual. It wasn't long until a strange smell began wafting it's way upstairs. The Lone Ranger came home & immediately smelled the odd aroma. Like hound dogs we sniffed around until we made our way downstairs. There upon the stovetop was my flashlight...a melted mass of plastic. We had to clean off the goop & then once the fire had burned out scrape away the remains. Conflict unresolved has a similar impact. We must be certain upon encountering disagreements that we resolve the issue & that we remove the remnants of it from the relationship. If we leave hurt feelings to fester, they will melt into bitterness & a resentment that takes hold & that produces a chasm within. Not handling disagreements, pushing differences to the side, or denying conflict does not remove the problem. So often we think that if we squelch our hurt feelings, go back to business as usual that we will just let it be & deal with it not more...but we all know that's not the way it works. Leaving these things on the hot surface of upset feelings is a bad idea!
Lesson #5: All wood burns, but not all wood burns well.
Last year The Lone Ranger was not able to stockpile as much wood as he would have liked. Several times we found ourselves chopping up random trees rather than carefully choosing which type of wood we wanted to use. Several mornings we woke up to a chilly house to discover that a certain wood burned far too quickly. A fire that should have lasted all night instead had only lasted a few hours. The same amount of wood had been stacked into the stove, regardless of the type, but apparently type mattered. The Lone Ranger prefers to use hedge wood because it burns hot & because the wood is dense it takes longer to burn through. He avoids using pine because it's a soft wood that burns quickly & with little out put of heat. We might invest a lot of time into a relationship but the quantity of time matters little if the quality is poor. For example, I'm a stay-at-home mom. I am with the Darlings 24 hours/day 7 days/week. No one is with them more than me. The amount of impact I have on them however doesn't boil down to the amount of time I spend with them but the way in which I spend that time. Do I plant them in front of the t.v. so I can plant myself in front of the computer? Do I squelch their need to play so that my house remains spotless? Do I talk to them or do I talk at them? We can not assume that quantity is more important than quality...it's not. I can talk to my best friend for an hour, but if all we do is gossip how does that deepen our relationship? I can spend every evening with my husband, but if I only nag instead of praise is that time well spent? Time not well spent is time wasted, regardless of the amount. Just like a fire built with pine will produce little heat & will burn out quickly, so will a relationship wither that is shallow. All wood burns, but not all wood burns well.
Lesson #6: Just because there's no bill doesn't mean heat is free.
The first year we turned off the furnace & built a fire I was under the grand illusion that we were heating our home for free, but I was wrong. It didn't take too many times of spending hours in the cold splitting wood to see that this mode of heat wasn't free at all. Countless trips from the woodpile to the stove & back again proved that the lack of bill was saving us money but little else. Seeing The Lone Ranger come home weary from work only to head downstairs to build up the fire for the night showed me just how much this mode of heating our home really cost....but it's worth it. We all pay for the luxury of warmth either by the writing of a check or by the sweat of the brow...we earn it, & if we don't pay for it then we lose it. Don't write the check, the heat gets shut off. Don't chop the wood or put it in the stove, the fire dies out. Our marriages, our friendships, our relationships operate in the same manner. We reap the rewards of our investments, & we suffer the consequences when we stop putting in the effort. The time we give, the consideration & compassion we show, the love we have yields strong & meaningful bonds. These relationships are deep, passionate, & life altering, but when left unattended they do not linger. We only get out of them what we put into them. Kinship is something that is worth paying for...worth working for...but it is not free.
Song of Solomon 8:6 "Love flashes like fire,the brightest kind of flame."
Good as usual :)
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