Years ago there was a reality TV show called, 'The Swan'. Producers scoured the country for 'Ugly Ducklings', a handful of women who'd failed to meet society's standard of beauty, & gave them a head-to-toe makeover...but this wasn't your typical get-a-new-do-n-duds type of transformation. These women left their families for months while they underwent countless plastic surgeries, toned up with rigorous diet & exercise plans, were given new wardrobes, & THEN got a new hairdo. At the end of each episode, the woman's families were present for the big reveal...they & viewers held their breath as out she came, the epitome of beauty...no longer an ugly duckling, but now a majestic swan (hence the name of the show). Every week, it was impossible to believe that the insecure, dowdy, frumpy, wilted lady at the beginning of the show was the same as the confident, smiling, radiant woman that walked out at the end. I'm not going to lie, I watched that show faithfully...I couldn't help myself. The transformations were so utterly astounding. I was nearly 18 years old at the time, & I remember watching that show & feeling 2 things: 1. How very sad it was to watch how these women had allowed their lives to be dictated by their appearance & beauty (or lack thereof) 2. How much I wished I could one day be "The Swan".
I cannot recall a time of looking in the mirror & liking what I saw. I cannot remember, even as a little girl, of not frowning at that reflection because nothing but flaws stood out. When all the other girls were getting shapely figures, I was getting bumps in all the wrong places. As a gymnast, power tumbler, & cheerleader I had biceps, trapezius, & quads muscles bugling every which way, but in the regions that mattered I was flat as a pancake. I hit a whopping 4'10" & stopped growing, so with that height & those muscles I much resembled a tree stump. At 18 years old, when scouted for a prestigious college cheer squad, I was told I'd have to lose 5lbs-putting me at 95- in order to do stunts. Buck teeth & a big nose just added to the whole mess of myself. At the time I was engaged to a man who would nearly break his neck looking at every female that walked by...so needless to say I was anything but confident. My body image & perception of myself were...well it's plain to see I related to the Ugly Duckling. Years later, body loose & sagging from having borne 3 children, I'd give about anything for those muscle I once possessed. Truth be known, I still feel much like that Ugly Duckling. I can't seem to help but look around me & compare myself to all of you. She has gorgeous hair, look at her eyes, & her figure...whew! True story. I'm not telling you this so that you compliment me after reading this (Please don't!) I'm sharing all of this for 2 reasons: 1. For the last several months I've been asking The Lord to reveal to me the beauty that He sees & He's opening my eyes 2. I don't think I'm the only one, not by a long shot, who has struggled with these feelings.
What is it within a woman that is so desperate to feel beautiful, & is equally as reluctant to see the beauty that she possesses? What is it about a woman that sees all other women as rivals or contenders in some supreme secret pageant? What lies within the secret place of a woman that reaps & sows insecurity & self-recrimination...that is quick to acknowledge her flaws but denies any point of refinement? What causes us to spend our lives on the quest of perfection & beauty-beauty by the worlds standard?
I don't know about you, but I for one am sick of that song & dance, tired of treadmill running on that quest-never getting any closer to that ridiculous goal. As the mother of 3 precious, gorgeous little girls, I look into their eyes & the thought of them joining me in that endless maze of beauty-seeking makes me ill. From the moment they were born, I have made certain they knew that they were beautiful, but The Lord has begun to make me very aware of something. They won't believe me. They won't believe that they are beautiful because their mommy doesn't believe that she is. They won't believe me when I say that their bodies are perfect & healthy because they watch me step on & off the scales constantly, because they see the pile of clothes at my feet on my 'fat days'. They won't believe that it's not clothes, or makeup, or jewelry that create their beauty because of my emphasis on them. My comments about their sweet noses, piercing eyes, & glorious hair will fall on deaf ears because they never hear me say such things about myself. Children may repeat what they hear, but their actions model what they see...but even greater than that motivation is the realization that Abba, creator of Heaven & Earth, designed me...I am His masterpiece, His work of Art.
Can you imagine going to a gallery viewing, with the Artist walking alongside you & explaining with emotion his thoughts behind the creation of each piece? Can you picture yourself gazing at his creations & scowling? Can you conceive of telling him how you'd have done it differently...used a different stroke or brighter color? Do I not do just that with this endless repulsion of myself? We have only to look at the splendid world around us, nature in it's grand glory, to see the profound beauty that Abba wove into it's creation...it only makes sense that if Abba created beauty in the earth that He would also imbue woman with such adornment...we who were the final creation that filled the void that remained after the making of man. It only makes sense that we, who were designed for His pleasure, for relationship with Him, would be pleasing to the eye.
"I praise you, for I am fearfully & wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." (Psalm 139:14)
The problem arises in that we are not seeking God's eye for beauty, but we are looking through the foggy corrupted haze of the sinful world's...judging ourselves by their standard. As long as we continue in that mindset, we will never ( I will never) see beauty in my reflection. If being 5'9", size 2, bleach blonde hair to your rump, blue-eyed, small nosed, high cheek boned is beauty well then I'm gonna throw up my hands in defeat right now. This world cares little about the inner making of a woman...it does not in any way correlate outer appearance with character & integrity. Scripture is clear that outer beauty, without that, is shallow & temporary.
"Charm is deceptive & beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears The Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)
"Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair & the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle & quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." (1 Peter 3:3-4)
Perhaps I should end this by saying I'm giving up all of my makeup, hair products, & trendy clothing, but I'm not...because I know that all of that would do no good without a transformation of my heart & mind...and truthfully I see nothing wrong with enjoying a bit of makeup, hairspray, & a cute outfit...as long I'm not obsessed with them. These last few months I've been asking The Lord to reveal the beauty, both inner & outer, that He sees in me. I've been asking Him to allow me to acknowledge the admirable things about myself. I began these petitions with little hope that any real change would occur, but my Abba is faithful. I won't boast about my awesome Pixie Cut or my awesome clearance-rack-threads (trying to use cool lingo here), but I will say that when I look in the mirror the reflection is starting to look different then it once did. While I am far (FAR) from perfect, the appeal of being a woman seeking God's heart, is peering through...& I am able to see how she makes a big nose smaller, brown eyes shiny, & a smile warm. I am able to see how a face...with that character being cultivated within...is beautiful. I'm beginning, in slow minute baby steps, to think less about what you (insert name of any woman) are going to think about me when you look at me. I'm beginning to be less concerned by that extra pound or two...or three or four. I'm more able to head out the door without a second or third glance in the mirror, because I'm becoming more certain that if I look in your eyes & smile...you'll see something appealing (deeper than my appearance) there. I've become certain of the fact that I am indeed an Ugly Duckling...not because of a lack of beauty but because of a sinful nature...an Ugly Duckling in the process of becoming a Swan...through Grace, I've received a new nature & am now being cultivated into a work of Art, shaped & molded by a gracious Creator with an eye for beauty.
This day my heart is that you would begin to see yourself as the ravishing beauty that you are...that the mindset of this world would begin to give way to the perspective of the Creator who designed you...that you'd look in the mirror & see not flaws but an inner beauty that radiates outwardly. Be Blessed, Beautiful Sisters!
Friday, April 26, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
The Hamper Runneth Over...The Impact of Discontentment
Grrr...(that's my frustrated, mean growl)! Daily I wage war with the laundry hamper & the kitchen sink, & daily I lose. Hmmppphhh...(that's my frustrated, aggravated sigh) as I pull up to the drive thru at the bank & open my car door rather than roll down the window because the stupid thing broke. Some days it seems as though everything I do, everything I say, everything I think reeks with irritation & plain old discontentment. Somedays every person I see looks better, dresses better, & acts better than I do. Somedays I am just utterly discontent. Somedays I am certain that just a little more money, a little nicer clothes, & a little better car will make everything better. Somedays, deep down, I know that even if I had a little more of all of those things, I'd still be dissatisfied.
Discontentment is a plague that eats away at one's morale. It breeds resentment & bitterness. It fosters jealousy & envy. Dissatisfaction sends us on a never ending quest for contentment. Each time we set out to acquire that 'thing' which everyone else has but we do not...that 'thing' that will finally end that ceaseless gnawing feeling, but that 'thing' is elusive. All the money, time, & possessions in the world aren't enough, because when it comes down to it there's always someone else who has it better, someone else who has more. Even within the Church, there's dissatisfaction & a 'Keeping up with the Jones's' mentality. So & so is more spiritual than I am. She prays better. He's a better spiritual leader & family man. So & so is a leader in the church, while I just fill the pew. She goes on mission trips & works at a homeless shelter, but I just raise my kids. He's more involved in ministry. Everyone we look at seems to know more & be more in terms of faith, & it eats away at you (or me).
In a world that thrives upon materialism, & in a culture that's made everything a competition (even maturity in faith), it's nearly impossible to be complacent & content. I find myself at times, caught up in that mindset. I find myself weighted down & wilted because of wanting what I don't have. I compare myself to others & feel wholly inadequate & useless. When I am caught up in the rut of dissatisfaction, I'm not a pretty person. The more I dig into the Word to discover Abba's desire for us as women, the more I see how vital it is that we be joyful, that we be merry in spirit...& the more I see that discontentment makes that impossible.
'A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22)
The fruit of the Spirit is 'love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23), but all of those things are hard to have when I'm irritated, aggravated, envious, & jealous...all of which stem from dissatisfaction.
If discontentment is the illness, then what's the antidote? A grateful heart. I can be so quick to express frustration when things don't go my way, but slow to give praise for the things that do. There's a hymn that says, "Count your many blessings, name them one by one. Count your many blessings, see what God has done" -Such a simple admonishment. I've been trying to do just that lately. I've been striving to see the positive rather than the negative...if the sink is full, then we are blessed to have food...if the laundry is piled high, then we are well clothed. When the Darlings are whiny & needy, I think of those women who struggle with infertility...who've suffered from miscarriage & still-birth. I've been amazed at just how much 'taking every thought captive' & counting my blessings has transformed by mind...& my heart. This isn't a deep & complicated message today. This isn't a post huge in revelation. This is an open admission to a weakness of mine, & a declaration to try to remedy that. I look at my life, & can't help but be incredibly humbled by how richly I've been blessed & shameful for my dissatisfaction (and the impact that has upon me). I want dearly to be like Paul...to be joyful, grateful, & content regardless of circumstance.
"...Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am." (Philippians 4:11-13)
So THIS has become my quest...the gratefulness & contentment from counting my blesses & from knowing that Abba is all I truly need. Today I am grateful for my cranky kiddos. I am thankful for my mama mobile (even with broken window). I am thankful for laundry needing folded & supper needing cooked. I am blessed beyond measure...and in this moment I am satisfied! Be Blessed today!
Discontentment is a plague that eats away at one's morale. It breeds resentment & bitterness. It fosters jealousy & envy. Dissatisfaction sends us on a never ending quest for contentment. Each time we set out to acquire that 'thing' which everyone else has but we do not...that 'thing' that will finally end that ceaseless gnawing feeling, but that 'thing' is elusive. All the money, time, & possessions in the world aren't enough, because when it comes down to it there's always someone else who has it better, someone else who has more. Even within the Church, there's dissatisfaction & a 'Keeping up with the Jones's' mentality. So & so is more spiritual than I am. She prays better. He's a better spiritual leader & family man. So & so is a leader in the church, while I just fill the pew. She goes on mission trips & works at a homeless shelter, but I just raise my kids. He's more involved in ministry. Everyone we look at seems to know more & be more in terms of faith, & it eats away at you (or me).
In a world that thrives upon materialism, & in a culture that's made everything a competition (even maturity in faith), it's nearly impossible to be complacent & content. I find myself at times, caught up in that mindset. I find myself weighted down & wilted because of wanting what I don't have. I compare myself to others & feel wholly inadequate & useless. When I am caught up in the rut of dissatisfaction, I'm not a pretty person. The more I dig into the Word to discover Abba's desire for us as women, the more I see how vital it is that we be joyful, that we be merry in spirit...& the more I see that discontentment makes that impossible.
'A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22)
The fruit of the Spirit is 'love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23), but all of those things are hard to have when I'm irritated, aggravated, envious, & jealous...all of which stem from dissatisfaction.
If discontentment is the illness, then what's the antidote? A grateful heart. I can be so quick to express frustration when things don't go my way, but slow to give praise for the things that do. There's a hymn that says, "Count your many blessings, name them one by one. Count your many blessings, see what God has done" -Such a simple admonishment. I've been trying to do just that lately. I've been striving to see the positive rather than the negative...if the sink is full, then we are blessed to have food...if the laundry is piled high, then we are well clothed. When the Darlings are whiny & needy, I think of those women who struggle with infertility...who've suffered from miscarriage & still-birth. I've been amazed at just how much 'taking every thought captive' & counting my blessings has transformed by mind...& my heart. This isn't a deep & complicated message today. This isn't a post huge in revelation. This is an open admission to a weakness of mine, & a declaration to try to remedy that. I look at my life, & can't help but be incredibly humbled by how richly I've been blessed & shameful for my dissatisfaction (and the impact that has upon me). I want dearly to be like Paul...to be joyful, grateful, & content regardless of circumstance.
"...Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am." (Philippians 4:11-13)
So THIS has become my quest...the gratefulness & contentment from counting my blesses & from knowing that Abba is all I truly need. Today I am grateful for my cranky kiddos. I am thankful for my mama mobile (even with broken window). I am thankful for laundry needing folded & supper needing cooked. I am blessed beyond measure...and in this moment I am satisfied! Be Blessed today!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Proverbs 31:23
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
Qualities:
Submissive: Honoring your husband enough to let him lead.
(My Definition)
Breakdown:
Okay Ladies, for those of you who shudder at the mere mention of the word "Submit" you should either take a deep breath & dive into this post or just hit the "x" button now. I feel fairly certain that some of you are scanning the verse again, thinking this verse doesn't even mention the Proverbs 31 Woman (P31W)...right? Initially that was my thought until I realized how odd it would be for every single verse to be describing a woman's godly character but for this verse to hop to her husband & then back to her...nope, the quality is inferred. Maybe biblical women shuddered at the word "submit" too?
How in the world did I get the character quality Submissive out of that verse? To be completely candid, it's because I used to shudder at the word...do more than shudder really. I'd get my feathers ruffled, strut my prowess of leadership skills, point out scriptural women who "took charge"...yep this message is definitely for me. As a teenage girl who'd been a believer her whole life, as a young woman on fire for the Lord, I can tell you that I didn't need 'no man' to lead me. Shoot! I'd have been hard pressed to find a man far enough in his faith to even think about giving me some pointers. As for general obedience of a man, not likely. Sound arrogant? I absolutely was. Sound familiar? I'll let you just think on that.
Back to the scripture. In wording only this verse refers to the P31W's husband. It says 2 things about his character: 1.he is respected & 2. he is in the inner circle of leaders within the community (church). So this is where we have to look deeper, be discerning & know that God is speaking to us (women) about our character & how it impacts our husband's integrity. How many of you when you read this verse were a wee bit miffed that it didn't say "She is respected when she sits & deliberates with the cities fathers." ?
I'm going to be brief in my explanation of this because I want to get nitty & gritty with it in another post, this one is just for Proverbs 31 break down. To put it in simple terms a man cannot/will not be respected if his wife does not respect him. A man cannot/will not lead if his wife is leading him. The biblical man is thereby respected & leading because he leads his household. Simple as that.
Application:
If you balk against the idea of submission, please read my next post, search scripture, read books on the topic, & begin to open your heart to the possibility that you might be buying into Satan's grand scheme.
If you have begun embracing this concept, please read my next post, search scripture, read books on the topic, & begin acting out a submissive heart. Be amazed by what occurs.
Application:
If you balk against the idea of submission, please read my next post, search scripture, read books on the topic, & begin to open your heart to the possibility that you might be buying into Satan's grand scheme.
If you have begun embracing this concept, please read my next post, search scripture, read books on the topic, & begin acting out a submissive heart. Be amazed by what occurs.
Take off the Pants: Submission (Part 1)
I am going to reuse my opening from my previous post: Okay Ladies, for those of you who shudder at the mere mention of the word "Submit" you should either take a deep breath & dive into this post or just hit the "x" button now. Sisters, I am going to speak my heart on this matter truly, biblically, & with steel toe boots on because this message will step on our toes & challenge us. Satan has launched an attack on biblical roles within marriage & he has succeeded mightily in usurping the God-given authority of men. This message has been over 6 years in the making as God has convicted me of my arrogance & moved me to have a submissive heart. I have been immeasurably blessed by beginning to understand true submission (not Satan's skewed version) & want the same for you. I have come this this knowledge: We cannot be godly P31W if we do not cleanse our hearts of the "Submission Shudder" & begin to embrace the freedom that comes with submitting ourselves to our husband's authority.
As I said this message has been on my heart for over 6 years. I figured it out the hard way. I was in an engagement with my high school sweetheart. I had our whole life planned out. He was a good man, but we were unequally yoked. To be transparent a large part of the problem was that I dominated that relationship. I made the decisions, I set the goals, I led. I (unintentionally, but nevertheless) stripped away the essential part of a man...the part that needs to lead, to protect, to feel needed, to be respected. That relationship ended, (it was for the best no doubt) & God began to open my eyes. I began to see that something just wasn't right. As I began to examine marriages, relationships, & the general workings between men & women (even Christian couples) I saw that there were cracks in the foundation. During that single season in my life I fell in love with the Lord all over again & devoured my Bible with abandon & insatiable hunger. To my astonishment & yes dismay, verses on submission & the role of women began to leap out at me. The idea took root & I have been on the quest of a submissive heart ever since. All that said to say this, that is why I am lovingly but firmly passing along what I have learned. Before you read further take all of your preconceived notions about submission & trash them...it was a lie from the pit & it will one day ruin (if not merely deeply damage) your relationship with your husband (or future husband).
Brief history lesson: During WWII women had to work. They joined the war effort by building artillery & guns. They worked to provide while their husbands are away. Women had to wear the pants in their families. Here's an important tidbit: They had to be the leaders of their families, because the leader was away! When the men came home some women returned home, but many had found the experience of being "head of the house" to be an adventure & refused to take the pants back off. Suddenly we were a culture of both working men & women. Next generation: Having grown up with working moms, the feminist movement began. Suddenly it was no longer good enough for a woman to work, she had to be absolutely equal with a man. Whatever job he could do, so could she. Next Generation: Having grown up with an "I'm just as strong as you" mentality, another leap is taken. Have you ever heard the jingle "Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you!" This is where we are today. Women strive to be better than a man. Higher position, higher pay. To top it off we now have a derogatory mindset towards any unaspiring, lazy, nonmotivated woman who chooses to be home. We scorn the woman who lets her husband make a decision about anything. It's true, we do.
The problem keeps escalating when the work day ends & couples everywhere walk through the front door. Do you think that suddenly the woman dawns her apron & heads to the kitchen? Absolutely not. Men are no longer King of their Castles...they are butlers. I am in no way saying that we have to mimic early mid century housewives, but I am indeed saying that there are roles that should & must be filled in order to have a godly, healthy marriage. We are to be helpmates to one another, not competitors. Women have run amok with the high of authority. Over time it has demasculinated men. We have stripped them of the opportunity to lead their families. Marriages are ruined & the women cry about how their husbands were bums. *Toe stomp alert! Who made them bums? Are our husbands incapable of handling things? When do we let them? Frustrated that they are not leaders? We chose them, & if we're honest it's probably in part because we knew we could get what we want & do what we want. We berate our husbands for lording over us & then we sulk because the weight of the world is on our shoulders. Guess what, when we want to be "equal to or better than" they is, we should be able to handle it. I say this because I have been there, done that. I was this woman. I ranted about my fiance's lack of get-up & go, but I balked whenever he got-up & went. I chided him to make decisions & then I disagreed with the ones he made. I begged him to grow deeper in faith, but I constantly rubbed his nose in that fact that he could never catch up with me. Ouch...
Look at the up & coming generation. We have begun raising boys with no hopes of ever truly being manly men. We raise our girls to handle any obstacle that comes their way, without need for help. Boys are weak & whiny, girls are callous & unfeeling. We don't teach little boys to be providers, protectors, & leaders because we know that one day a bossy wife will pay the bills, guard her nest, & dictate decisions. We don't teach little girls to honor the authority of her father because heaven forbid our girls be dependent upon a man! Marriages are doomed when the future brides & grooms are just toddlers! Results of this plague are not just rocky & upended marriages, but destroyed families. Even more extreme is the tidal wave of homosexuality & that people hormonally & surgically changing their genders. Why? Because we have confused them! When you do not raise boys as men in the making & little girls as future wives & mamas identity gets lost! It is important to note that even in homosexual relationships there is nearly always a male & female role...whether there are 2 men or 2 women in that relationship. Why? God created distinct innate roles within the marriage relationship! A feminine role & a masculine one...no matter how messed up the picture of marriage gets, that fact does not change. Another point to prove that God knew what He was doing & that He is sovereign.
Mental disorders are rampant & ever increasing in our culture. Everyone is messed up for one reason or another...why is that? I would venture to say that the inevitable true root of mental illness is quite often the fact that for nearly 4 generations now we have been victims of & party to skewed marital roles. Statistically speaking divorce rates rose when women went out the door. We grow up seeing our mothers disrespect our fathers & rule the roost, & then as adults we continue the cycle. Men get depressed, resentful, & seek out elicit affairs in order to prove their masculine worth. Why? God created men to lead, to protect, & to provide. Men are to be the head of the home. When he can't/doesn't do that break down occurs. Women get depressed, have anxiety, become bitter, & seek elsewhere for affection. Why? God created women to be nurturing, to be gentle, to need a feeling of security. Women are to be the heart of the home.
*End of Part 1. I beg you to please keep reading!
As I said this message has been on my heart for over 6 years. I figured it out the hard way. I was in an engagement with my high school sweetheart. I had our whole life planned out. He was a good man, but we were unequally yoked. To be transparent a large part of the problem was that I dominated that relationship. I made the decisions, I set the goals, I led. I (unintentionally, but nevertheless) stripped away the essential part of a man...the part that needs to lead, to protect, to feel needed, to be respected. That relationship ended, (it was for the best no doubt) & God began to open my eyes. I began to see that something just wasn't right. As I began to examine marriages, relationships, & the general workings between men & women (even Christian couples) I saw that there were cracks in the foundation. During that single season in my life I fell in love with the Lord all over again & devoured my Bible with abandon & insatiable hunger. To my astonishment & yes dismay, verses on submission & the role of women began to leap out at me. The idea took root & I have been on the quest of a submissive heart ever since. All that said to say this, that is why I am lovingly but firmly passing along what I have learned. Before you read further take all of your preconceived notions about submission & trash them...it was a lie from the pit & it will one day ruin (if not merely deeply damage) your relationship with your husband (or future husband).
Brief history lesson: During WWII women had to work. They joined the war effort by building artillery & guns. They worked to provide while their husbands are away. Women had to wear the pants in their families. Here's an important tidbit: They had to be the leaders of their families, because the leader was away! When the men came home some women returned home, but many had found the experience of being "head of the house" to be an adventure & refused to take the pants back off. Suddenly we were a culture of both working men & women. Next generation: Having grown up with working moms, the feminist movement began. Suddenly it was no longer good enough for a woman to work, she had to be absolutely equal with a man. Whatever job he could do, so could she. Next Generation: Having grown up with an "I'm just as strong as you" mentality, another leap is taken. Have you ever heard the jingle "Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you!" This is where we are today. Women strive to be better than a man. Higher position, higher pay. To top it off we now have a derogatory mindset towards any unaspiring, lazy, nonmotivated woman who chooses to be home. We scorn the woman who lets her husband make a decision about anything. It's true, we do.
The problem keeps escalating when the work day ends & couples everywhere walk through the front door. Do you think that suddenly the woman dawns her apron & heads to the kitchen? Absolutely not. Men are no longer King of their Castles...they are butlers. I am in no way saying that we have to mimic early mid century housewives, but I am indeed saying that there are roles that should & must be filled in order to have a godly, healthy marriage. We are to be helpmates to one another, not competitors. Women have run amok with the high of authority. Over time it has demasculinated men. We have stripped them of the opportunity to lead their families. Marriages are ruined & the women cry about how their husbands were bums. *Toe stomp alert! Who made them bums? Are our husbands incapable of handling things? When do we let them? Frustrated that they are not leaders? We chose them, & if we're honest it's probably in part because we knew we could get what we want & do what we want. We berate our husbands for lording over us & then we sulk because the weight of the world is on our shoulders. Guess what, when we want to be "equal to or better than" they is, we should be able to handle it. I say this because I have been there, done that. I was this woman. I ranted about my fiance's lack of get-up & go, but I balked whenever he got-up & went. I chided him to make decisions & then I disagreed with the ones he made. I begged him to grow deeper in faith, but I constantly rubbed his nose in that fact that he could never catch up with me. Ouch...
Look at the up & coming generation. We have begun raising boys with no hopes of ever truly being manly men. We raise our girls to handle any obstacle that comes their way, without need for help. Boys are weak & whiny, girls are callous & unfeeling. We don't teach little boys to be providers, protectors, & leaders because we know that one day a bossy wife will pay the bills, guard her nest, & dictate decisions. We don't teach little girls to honor the authority of her father because heaven forbid our girls be dependent upon a man! Marriages are doomed when the future brides & grooms are just toddlers! Results of this plague are not just rocky & upended marriages, but destroyed families. Even more extreme is the tidal wave of homosexuality & that people hormonally & surgically changing their genders. Why? Because we have confused them! When you do not raise boys as men in the making & little girls as future wives & mamas identity gets lost! It is important to note that even in homosexual relationships there is nearly always a male & female role...whether there are 2 men or 2 women in that relationship. Why? God created distinct innate roles within the marriage relationship! A feminine role & a masculine one...no matter how messed up the picture of marriage gets, that fact does not change. Another point to prove that God knew what He was doing & that He is sovereign.
Mental disorders are rampant & ever increasing in our culture. Everyone is messed up for one reason or another...why is that? I would venture to say that the inevitable true root of mental illness is quite often the fact that for nearly 4 generations now we have been victims of & party to skewed marital roles. Statistically speaking divorce rates rose when women went out the door. We grow up seeing our mothers disrespect our fathers & rule the roost, & then as adults we continue the cycle. Men get depressed, resentful, & seek out elicit affairs in order to prove their masculine worth. Why? God created men to lead, to protect, & to provide. Men are to be the head of the home. When he can't/doesn't do that break down occurs. Women get depressed, have anxiety, become bitter, & seek elsewhere for affection. Why? God created women to be nurturing, to be gentle, to need a feeling of security. Women are to be the heart of the home.
*End of Part 1. I beg you to please keep reading!
Take the Pants off: Submission (Part 2)
Bless you for opening up Part 2! Don't give up on me! Now that we have brought to light the dirty business that comes with confronting a lack of submission, let's talk of the blessings that flow within a godly marriage.
As I said I have been in the position of one who shirked the idea of submission. I only began to grasp the concept & see the distorted way the world presents the idea when I went through a season of singleness. One day I literally made up a list of what I wanted in a man & I was shocked to realize that despite my feminist mindset & actions, my heart desired a man to lead me. Slowly the wheels in my head began turning & bit by bit I discovered that the essence of who I was & what I wanted did not resemble the feminist agenda I had bought into. I wanted to be cared for, treasured, protected. I wanted to be provided for & guided. I wanted to be challenged in my faith & to have someone to push me in spiritual growth. To be honest I wanted a knight in shining armor, Prince Charming, or Super Man, & I realized there was nothing wrong with that. For years I had tried to hide my innate desires & ambitions of being a homemaker, a wife, & a mother. I felt unambitious for wanting my home to be my career & that thought was validated by disappointed comments & glares by others when I voiced those desires. As I read the Word & discovered God's plan for marriage it all became clear. God created me to be a feminine, nurturing, emotional woman. He created me to be the heart of the home. The force that made it a welcoming, loving, thriving environment for my future family. My whole life I had bought into the lie that I had to be a strong, independent, successful woman...standards that are measured by a sin-filled world. God began to reveal the character & integrity my future husband should have. He defined my role & his.
I was right to want my knight in shining armor, my prince, & my super hero! I stand before you today having found that man! My John is such a profound, undeserved blessing in my life! Right before I met him I committed myself to the transformation from feminist to feminine. I began to make those changes & upon meeting Mr. Wonderful I quickly realized that this was indeed God's plan. I approached my relationship/engagement/ & marriage to John with the knowledge that he was the leader of our relationship. To my surprise I found that submission was not oppressive but in fact freeing. As newly weds & then as first time parents we felt a calling for me to remain home with our daughter. Money was tight & we both balked at the thought of it being even tighter without my income. For several months we discussed our options and prayed for direction. One day my husband came to me & told me that it was his duty to provide for our family, that one way or another he would, but that the burden of provision was no longer upon my shoulders. I would stay home with our daughter (#2 was on the way) no matter what. Since that day John has always provided & so has the Lord! There has always been enough, & I wholeheartedly believe that is because John submitted to God's calling & I submitted to John's leadership. Submission did not just come naturally to me. Early on in our relationship & in our marriage I embarrassed my husband, hurt his feelings, & offended him by acting against his wishes, publicly disagreeing with him, or even by doing opposite of what he wished. On countless occasions I danced around the submission issue by just going ahead & doing something or making decisions without asking his opinion or discussing it first. Sisters, none of these things has ever turned out well. It always ends in the realization that I have broken the mold & skewed the design the Lord intended.
In just under a month we will celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary...still there are times when I struggle to cast off the old mindset, but daily I am blessed by fruits that have come from a submissive heart. John is the head of our household. Collaboratively we discuss decisions, budgets, discipline, & etc. but ultimately I trust that through prayer & wisdom he will reach the right decision. My input, opinions, & feelings matter to my husband. My knowledge & expertise are valuable to him. I never doubt that he takes those things into great consideration. In the last 5 years I have watched him grow and mature into an incredible man of faith. I have seen him single handily save our family from hardships. I have felt safe & protected as he stays up to monitor weather during storms, or to search the house because I "heard something". Every day I watched him nurture, woo, entertain, & meet the needs of 4 women (me & our 3 daughters). Never does he put upon me his responsibilities. Never does he expect me to fill in the gaps for whatever is lacking in any area of our lives. I know that John is a great man because he seeks after God's heart, but I also know that part of his growth is due to the fact that I respect him & that I embrace his position & leadership. I am willing to be led, & I have full faith that he can & will do it well. Submission does not oppress me, it has given me great freedom! I am free to be the heart of our home, to focus my energy on our children,& to pursue my faith. I am free to be emotional. I am free to be weak. I am free to be fearful. I do not have to be a strong, independent, callous woman. I can be feminine. Godly, biblical submission is a blessing & everyday I discover more & more why God designed marriage this way.
Originally as I began to pursue my quest of a submissive heart, I was a bit confused as to whether or not I was dominate or submissive, & perhaps you are too. Here is a quick question that reveals a lot about who wears the pants in your relationship: When you go places together, who drives the car? If you do what are your reasons? Do you hate not having control of the car? Do you not trust having someone else at the wheel? The reasons that keep you from letting your man drive the car are the same reasons that hinder you from submitting to him.
Arguments/Concerns:
I am fully prepared for the fact that some of you (many of you?) might have some very valid concerns & questions so here are a few that I anticipated.
My /boyfriend/husband is not a believer or is weak in his faith, should I still submit?
1. If you are not yet married, do not get married...just yet anyways. The Bible is clear that we are not to unite with nonbelievers. How can you follow someone heading in the wrong direction? If you are already married then know that you are a reflection of Jesus to him & he might come to faith because of your example.
2 Corinthians 6:14 '14 Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?
1 Corinthians 7: 12-16 'If a Christian man[c] has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. 13 And if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. 14 For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband[d] brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy.15 (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife[e] is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you[f] to live in peace.) 16 Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?'
2. Should you submit to his authority (non believer)? This is a good place for a sound judgement call. I would say that if you are married & your husband is a non believer but is a good husband sit down then cautiously embrace his leadership. Men will often rise to the challenge if they know we need them. They have an innate need to be needed, to be a hero. Your husband might rise to the calling of leadership & then because of your righteous example find faith.
3. Should you submit to his authority (new believer)? YES! Your husband has a heart for the Lord, even if it is a new faith, it is a growing faith. Encourage that growth, not by reading scripture to him or lecturing on great nuances of the faith, but by letting him lead. Ask him to pray over meals, before bedtime. Bring a scripture to him & ask him to help you understand it. Brag about what a good man he is, how he motivates you (publicly). These little acts of "needing him" or having him take charge will strengthen his confidence & will foster a desire to grow spiritually...he'll know you are counting on him.
My husband is timid & doesn't lead, what do I do?
My first question is do you give him an opportunity to lead, & my second question is do you argue/balk/whine when he does? If he knows that conflict arises every time he makes a decision, then he won't decide. If he knows that you "know it all" then he won't try to guide you. Begin to display an attitude of submission. Sit down with your husband and apologize for the times & ways in which you have disrespected him, robbed him of his authority. Commit to both him & yourself to try to begin having a submissive heart. Encourage him to be the leader of the family, assure him of your need for his guidance. Watch & see what happens. It may take time, but I know from experience that he will rise to the occasion (if he is a believer). Remember he is hardwired to fill this role, he has the heart of a hero!
It's not in my nature to submit. I'm not a meek person. I'm a take charge, perfectionist kind of girl!
1. If your nature says to oppose authority (the authority of a godly man), then you are operating under a nature of rebellion, a sinful nature. Examine your heart & scripture, release the old nature & embrace the new nature God has created for you!
Romans 8:6 So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.
Romans 8: 8 That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God.
Galatians 5:17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.
Galations 5:24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there.
Ephesians 4:22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.
Colossians 3:10 Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.
2. I am a take charge, perfectionist kind of girl too! Believe me, I am OCD to a fault! That being said it has been a hard process of learning to let go of my compulsions & to yield to John's leadership or ways of doing things. I still fail, but I try. There are areas of our life in which my take-charge personality is a good thing. It results in a well run, well kept home. It helps me to train up, disciple, & discipline our daughters. It makes me a decent writer. It is helping me to embark on helping lead Sunday School. Channeled in the right way that can be a positive asset, the same is true for you. Problems arise when we let that personality trait disrespect & demasculinate our husbands. If it is an issue that would result in that, tamp down the urge to do it "your way".
Sisters, I know this is a touchy subject. Women would likely burn their pastors at the stake if they tried to preach it from the pulpit. I am coming to you as one who has learned this concept the hard way, & as one who has benefited greatly from it. I come to you having searched scriptures, prayed ardently, & having made the leap from arrogant to submissive. I am going to post Part 3 with scriptural references to this topic as well as some other messages to read if you are interested in doing so. If you have questions please ask them. If you want help, I will walk through this journey with you. It is worth the effort! You can message me privately on Facebook or comment anonymously on here & I will endeavor to answer & guide to the best of my abilities. I challenge you to begin embracing a heart of submission. Women who have been through this journey & can affirm the fruits of this attitude please comment...not for my glory but for encouragement of women struggling in this area.
In Christ,
Brianne
As I said I have been in the position of one who shirked the idea of submission. I only began to grasp the concept & see the distorted way the world presents the idea when I went through a season of singleness. One day I literally made up a list of what I wanted in a man & I was shocked to realize that despite my feminist mindset & actions, my heart desired a man to lead me. Slowly the wheels in my head began turning & bit by bit I discovered that the essence of who I was & what I wanted did not resemble the feminist agenda I had bought into. I wanted to be cared for, treasured, protected. I wanted to be provided for & guided. I wanted to be challenged in my faith & to have someone to push me in spiritual growth. To be honest I wanted a knight in shining armor, Prince Charming, or Super Man, & I realized there was nothing wrong with that. For years I had tried to hide my innate desires & ambitions of being a homemaker, a wife, & a mother. I felt unambitious for wanting my home to be my career & that thought was validated by disappointed comments & glares by others when I voiced those desires. As I read the Word & discovered God's plan for marriage it all became clear. God created me to be a feminine, nurturing, emotional woman. He created me to be the heart of the home. The force that made it a welcoming, loving, thriving environment for my future family. My whole life I had bought into the lie that I had to be a strong, independent, successful woman...standards that are measured by a sin-filled world. God began to reveal the character & integrity my future husband should have. He defined my role & his.
I was right to want my knight in shining armor, my prince, & my super hero! I stand before you today having found that man! My John is such a profound, undeserved blessing in my life! Right before I met him I committed myself to the transformation from feminist to feminine. I began to make those changes & upon meeting Mr. Wonderful I quickly realized that this was indeed God's plan. I approached my relationship/engagement/ & marriage to John with the knowledge that he was the leader of our relationship. To my surprise I found that submission was not oppressive but in fact freeing. As newly weds & then as first time parents we felt a calling for me to remain home with our daughter. Money was tight & we both balked at the thought of it being even tighter without my income. For several months we discussed our options and prayed for direction. One day my husband came to me & told me that it was his duty to provide for our family, that one way or another he would, but that the burden of provision was no longer upon my shoulders. I would stay home with our daughter (#2 was on the way) no matter what. Since that day John has always provided & so has the Lord! There has always been enough, & I wholeheartedly believe that is because John submitted to God's calling & I submitted to John's leadership. Submission did not just come naturally to me. Early on in our relationship & in our marriage I embarrassed my husband, hurt his feelings, & offended him by acting against his wishes, publicly disagreeing with him, or even by doing opposite of what he wished. On countless occasions I danced around the submission issue by just going ahead & doing something or making decisions without asking his opinion or discussing it first. Sisters, none of these things has ever turned out well. It always ends in the realization that I have broken the mold & skewed the design the Lord intended.
In just under a month we will celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary...still there are times when I struggle to cast off the old mindset, but daily I am blessed by fruits that have come from a submissive heart. John is the head of our household. Collaboratively we discuss decisions, budgets, discipline, & etc. but ultimately I trust that through prayer & wisdom he will reach the right decision. My input, opinions, & feelings matter to my husband. My knowledge & expertise are valuable to him. I never doubt that he takes those things into great consideration. In the last 5 years I have watched him grow and mature into an incredible man of faith. I have seen him single handily save our family from hardships. I have felt safe & protected as he stays up to monitor weather during storms, or to search the house because I "heard something". Every day I watched him nurture, woo, entertain, & meet the needs of 4 women (me & our 3 daughters). Never does he put upon me his responsibilities. Never does he expect me to fill in the gaps for whatever is lacking in any area of our lives. I know that John is a great man because he seeks after God's heart, but I also know that part of his growth is due to the fact that I respect him & that I embrace his position & leadership. I am willing to be led, & I have full faith that he can & will do it well. Submission does not oppress me, it has given me great freedom! I am free to be the heart of our home, to focus my energy on our children,& to pursue my faith. I am free to be emotional. I am free to be weak. I am free to be fearful. I do not have to be a strong, independent, callous woman. I can be feminine. Godly, biblical submission is a blessing & everyday I discover more & more why God designed marriage this way.
Originally as I began to pursue my quest of a submissive heart, I was a bit confused as to whether or not I was dominate or submissive, & perhaps you are too. Here is a quick question that reveals a lot about who wears the pants in your relationship: When you go places together, who drives the car? If you do what are your reasons? Do you hate not having control of the car? Do you not trust having someone else at the wheel? The reasons that keep you from letting your man drive the car are the same reasons that hinder you from submitting to him.
Arguments/Concerns:
I am fully prepared for the fact that some of you (many of you?) might have some very valid concerns & questions so here are a few that I anticipated.
My /boyfriend/husband is not a believer or is weak in his faith, should I still submit?
1. If you are not yet married, do not get married...just yet anyways. The Bible is clear that we are not to unite with nonbelievers. How can you follow someone heading in the wrong direction? If you are already married then know that you are a reflection of Jesus to him & he might come to faith because of your example.
2 Corinthians 6:14 '14 Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?
1 Corinthians 7: 12-16 'If a Christian man[c] has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. 13 And if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. 14 For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband[d] brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy.15 (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife[e] is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you[f] to live in peace.) 16 Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?'
2. Should you submit to his authority (non believer)? This is a good place for a sound judgement call. I would say that if you are married & your husband is a non believer but is a good husband sit down then cautiously embrace his leadership. Men will often rise to the challenge if they know we need them. They have an innate need to be needed, to be a hero. Your husband might rise to the calling of leadership & then because of your righteous example find faith.
3. Should you submit to his authority (new believer)? YES! Your husband has a heart for the Lord, even if it is a new faith, it is a growing faith. Encourage that growth, not by reading scripture to him or lecturing on great nuances of the faith, but by letting him lead. Ask him to pray over meals, before bedtime. Bring a scripture to him & ask him to help you understand it. Brag about what a good man he is, how he motivates you (publicly). These little acts of "needing him" or having him take charge will strengthen his confidence & will foster a desire to grow spiritually...he'll know you are counting on him.
My husband is timid & doesn't lead, what do I do?
My first question is do you give him an opportunity to lead, & my second question is do you argue/balk/whine when he does? If he knows that conflict arises every time he makes a decision, then he won't decide. If he knows that you "know it all" then he won't try to guide you. Begin to display an attitude of submission. Sit down with your husband and apologize for the times & ways in which you have disrespected him, robbed him of his authority. Commit to both him & yourself to try to begin having a submissive heart. Encourage him to be the leader of the family, assure him of your need for his guidance. Watch & see what happens. It may take time, but I know from experience that he will rise to the occasion (if he is a believer). Remember he is hardwired to fill this role, he has the heart of a hero!
It's not in my nature to submit. I'm not a meek person. I'm a take charge, perfectionist kind of girl!
1. If your nature says to oppose authority (the authority of a godly man), then you are operating under a nature of rebellion, a sinful nature. Examine your heart & scripture, release the old nature & embrace the new nature God has created for you!
Romans 8:6 So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.
Romans 8: 8 That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God.
Galatians 5:17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.
Galations 5:24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there.
Ephesians 4:22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.
Colossians 3:10 Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.
2. I am a take charge, perfectionist kind of girl too! Believe me, I am OCD to a fault! That being said it has been a hard process of learning to let go of my compulsions & to yield to John's leadership or ways of doing things. I still fail, but I try. There are areas of our life in which my take-charge personality is a good thing. It results in a well run, well kept home. It helps me to train up, disciple, & discipline our daughters. It makes me a decent writer. It is helping me to embark on helping lead Sunday School. Channeled in the right way that can be a positive asset, the same is true for you. Problems arise when we let that personality trait disrespect & demasculinate our husbands. If it is an issue that would result in that, tamp down the urge to do it "your way".
Sisters, I know this is a touchy subject. Women would likely burn their pastors at the stake if they tried to preach it from the pulpit. I am coming to you as one who has learned this concept the hard way, & as one who has benefited greatly from it. I come to you having searched scriptures, prayed ardently, & having made the leap from arrogant to submissive. I am going to post Part 3 with scriptural references to this topic as well as some other messages to read if you are interested in doing so. If you have questions please ask them. If you want help, I will walk through this journey with you. It is worth the effort! You can message me privately on Facebook or comment anonymously on here & I will endeavor to answer & guide to the best of my abilities. I challenge you to begin embracing a heart of submission. Women who have been through this journey & can affirm the fruits of this attitude please comment...not for my glory but for encouragement of women struggling in this area.
In Christ,
Brianne
Take off the Pants: Submission (Part 3)
This part of the post is scripture that validates the reasoning behind my message. I have put the scriptures in their entirety. I do not in any way want to convey a personal agenda, but my mission is to be the hands, feet, & voice of the Lord. There are scriptures that refer to women's behavior within worship, & I know for some of you a scowl will emerge as you read them. I want to interject that I believe that there are several reasons why these topics were broached biblically: 1. Giving women leadership roles within the church presents the impression that women have authority over men. 2. Give us a taste of power & authority & we'll want more. 3. The writers refer us back to the protocol God set in place within marriage (Christ > Man> Wife). This does not mean that women have no role within the church. It does not mean that women have nothing worthwhile to offer. It does mean that there are certain avenues, times, & approaches for sharing what God has laid on our hearts & doing so in a way that maintains submission. Below are also links to more messages about marriage & submission. Please investigate & allow God to reveal His plans for you!
Scripture:
Ephesians 5: 21- 33
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Resources:
Focus on the Family:
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage.aspx
Living on the Edge Ministry with Chip Ingram:
http://www.livingontheedge.org/read-blog/blog/2012/02/08/god-s-blueprint-for-a-great-marriage
http://livingontheedge.org/group-studies/browse-all-studies/experiencing-god's-dream-for-your-marriage
http://www.livingontheedge.org/read-blog/blog-archive/2009/07/28/finding-hope-when-you're-in-a-difficult-marriage
Family Talk with Dr. James Dobson:
http://drjamesdobson.org/articles/love-and-marriage
http://drjamesdobson.org/real-love/marriage-reports
http://myfamilytalk.com/Broadcasts/my-family-talk-dr-james-dobson-Broadcast?i=730f1e71-8a21-406b-93fd-a9aff2c13105
http://www.drjamesdobson.org/Solid-Answers/Answers?a=d1be1e8d-287e-4b2a-86ef-351ebe2b8dd1
http://www.drjamesdobson.org/Solid-Answers/Answers?a=0d8dd9f0-2124-4de5-9f7f-bffd0f9d6f3f
http://www.drjamesdobson.org/Solid-Answers/Answers?a=149b51b1-c244-483a-8253-05fe9908bcc1
I did not even scratch the surface off all the resources there are! Each of these ministries has countless articles, messages, & resources on the topic of marriage!
Scripture:
Ephesians 5: 21- 33
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.[b] 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”[c] 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Colossians 3:18-19
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.19 Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.
Romans 13:1-5
13 Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God. 2 So anyone who rebels against authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and they will be punished.3 For the authorities do not strike fear in people who are doing right, but in those who are doing wrong. Would you like to live without fear of the authorities? Do what is right, and they will honor you. 4 The authorities are God’s servants, sent for your good. But if you are doing wrong, of course you should be afraid, for they have the power to punish you. They are God’s servants, sent for the very purpose of punishing those who do what is wrong. 5 So you must submit to them, not only to avoid punishment, but also to keep a clear conscience.
1 Peter 3:1-7
33 For God is not a God of disorder but of peace, as in all the meetings of God’s holy people.[h]
34 Women should be silent during the church meetings. It is not proper for them to speak. They should be submissive, just as the law says. 35 If they have any questions, they should ask their husbands at home, for it is improper for women to speak in church meetings.[i]
1 Timothy 2:9-121 Peter 3:1-7
In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.
3 Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. 4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 5 This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. 6 For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
1 Corinthians 11:7-12
...for man is made in God’s image and reflects God’s glory. And woman reflects man’s glory. 8 For the first man didn’t come from woman, but the first woman came from man. 9 And man was not made for woman, but woman was made for man. 10 For this reason, and because the angels are watching, a woman should wear a covering on her head to show she is under authority.[e]11 But among the Lord’s people, women are not independent of men, and men are not independent of women. 12 For although the first woman came from man, every other man was born from a woman, and everything comes from God.
1 Corinthians 14: 33-35
34 Women should be silent during the church meetings. It is not proper for them to speak. They should be submissive, just as the law says. 35 If they have any questions, they should ask their husbands at home, for it is improper for women to speak in church meetings.[i]
9 And I want women to be modest in their appearance.[a] They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. 10 For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.11 Women should learn quietly and submissively. 12 I do not let women teach men or have authority over them.[b] Let them listen quietly.
Resources:
Focus on the Family:
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage.aspx
Living on the Edge Ministry with Chip Ingram:
http://www.livingontheedge.org/read-blog/blog/2012/02/08/god-s-blueprint-for-a-great-marriage
http://livingontheedge.org/group-studies/browse-all-studies/experiencing-god's-dream-for-your-marriage
http://www.livingontheedge.org/read-blog/blog-archive/2009/07/28/finding-hope-when-you're-in-a-difficult-marriage
Family Talk with Dr. James Dobson:
http://drjamesdobson.org/articles/love-and-marriage
http://drjamesdobson.org/real-love/marriage-reports
http://myfamilytalk.com/Broadcasts/my-family-talk-dr-james-dobson-Broadcast?i=730f1e71-8a21-406b-93fd-a9aff2c13105
http://www.drjamesdobson.org/Solid-Answers/Answers?a=d1be1e8d-287e-4b2a-86ef-351ebe2b8dd1
http://www.drjamesdobson.org/Solid-Answers/Answers?a=0d8dd9f0-2124-4de5-9f7f-bffd0f9d6f3f
http://www.drjamesdobson.org/Solid-Answers/Answers?a=149b51b1-c244-483a-8253-05fe9908bcc1
I did not even scratch the surface off all the resources there are! Each of these ministries has countless articles, messages, & resources on the topic of marriage!
Good Friday & My Girls
A few years ago this day, Good Friday, seemed like little more than an oxymoron...I mean, who would entitle the day that we remember Christ's death "Good"? I always acknowledged the day, knew what it was about, but did not truly get it...until I became a mom. Suddenly I was able to fully grasp the profound depth of what this day signified because my perspective had changed, my viewpoint on all holy days has...but that ability to see things from a parent's perspective has been a revelation...an insight into Abba's supreme goodness & a glimpse of my own wretchedness.
Now, every year on Good Friday, Abba weighs these questions upon my heart: Which of the Darlings would I give? If I could give up one of my girls to save the whole world, would I do it? If letting 1 of them die meant YOU could live...would I make the sacrifice?
I'm not even going to pretend to have a false piety here...just look at these faces!
I realize these truths about myself, & suddenly the goodness of Abba is more than I can handle...because He did that exact thing. He looked at His precious son, whose amazingly unique attributes melted His heart, & He made a decision...one that I would not make. Abba looked at His boy, His only son, & decided it was worth it...allowing Jesus to be beaten, mocked, humiliated, & murdered was worth it...it was worth it if He would be reconciled to the murderers & molesters, to the mean & nasty, to you & to ME.
So today I am humbled, I am emotion filled, & I am moved to be certain that I fully grasp how very significant today is...it is indeed 'Good' Friday, because only a loving & GOOD God would sacrifice someone innocent & pure to restore someone guilty & wretched... Today I consider my immense need for that kind of goodness. Today I allow myself to consider that day long ago, that day when a much beloved son, a little boy to his Abba, was innocent but treated as guilty, was spit upon, was mocked, was beaten & battered, was violently nailed to a cross...for ME. I no longer allow myself the luxury of summing up today in a simple sentence, void of emotion or true understanding...no more watered down declaration about how God sent His son to die, but a heart wrenching comprehension of the gruesome scene that played out that long ago day...because it is only by acknowledging the brutal details that I can fully grasp God's goodness...that I can fully appreciate what happened that day, what happened 3 days later. It is only by acknowledging to myself that I would not do the same...that I would not do it for the worst of these or even for you, that I see the truth. I am as wretched as the murderers or molesters; I am as stained & as guilty as the adulterers & thieves...I am in as dire need of a savior as the worst of these, & that day Abba, through the sacrifice of His son, took my wretched sin-stained soul & cleansed me white as snow...He did the same for you.
If you are a parent, look at each of your children today...consider all the makes them unique & special...imagine yourself in Abba's shoes...
If you have not yet had the joy of bringing a little one into the world, I encourage you nonetheless to consider today, the profound sacrifice that was made on your behalf...
Don't be afraid to feel conviction rain down, don't be afraid to fully grasp your wretchedness, for it upon that realization that today will truly become 'Good' Friday. Be Blessed!
Now, every year on Good Friday, Abba weighs these questions upon my heart: Which of the Darlings would I give? If I could give up one of my girls to save the whole world, would I do it? If letting 1 of them die meant YOU could live...would I make the sacrifice?
I'm not even going to pretend to have a false piety here...just look at these faces!
Which one would I...should I give up...should I let die? Maybe Goldilocks, my firstborn? My blonde-haired, blue-eyed, sensitive, compassionate, mother-hen beauty who is wise beyond her years...or maybe Sweet 'N Sassy? My feisty, strong-willed,cuddly, defender-of-the-weak second-born? Or Belles 'N Whistles? My strawberry-blonde, adventure seeking, paper eating, free spirited baby? Which would I give? How would I choose? Do I even think it's truly worth it...that You're truly worth it?
Do I need to be so blunt as to say a flat out, ardent 'No!'? I'd be hard pressed to knowingly send any of my girls to a sure death for anyone, even those I love dearly. Would I do it for my precious Pap? For my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother? Would I do it for my best friend since childhood, or for my kindred spirit who knows me better than anyone? Part of me likes to think that I'd be selfless enough to do so, but the more honest part of me knows the truth...and as if this isn't revealing enough about the wretched state of my heart, consider how vehemently ugly my response would be about sacrificing my precious darlings for one who has wronged me, betrayed me, abused me, humiliated me, or hurt me? Would I let my innocent daughters pay the price for the murderers & molesters? NO.
I realize these truths about myself, & suddenly the goodness of Abba is more than I can handle...because He did that exact thing. He looked at His precious son, whose amazingly unique attributes melted His heart, & He made a decision...one that I would not make. Abba looked at His boy, His only son, & decided it was worth it...allowing Jesus to be beaten, mocked, humiliated, & murdered was worth it...it was worth it if He would be reconciled to the murderers & molesters, to the mean & nasty, to you & to ME.
So today I am humbled, I am emotion filled, & I am moved to be certain that I fully grasp how very significant today is...it is indeed 'Good' Friday, because only a loving & GOOD God would sacrifice someone innocent & pure to restore someone guilty & wretched... Today I consider my immense need for that kind of goodness. Today I allow myself to consider that day long ago, that day when a much beloved son, a little boy to his Abba, was innocent but treated as guilty, was spit upon, was mocked, was beaten & battered, was violently nailed to a cross...for ME. I no longer allow myself the luxury of summing up today in a simple sentence, void of emotion or true understanding...no more watered down declaration about how God sent His son to die, but a heart wrenching comprehension of the gruesome scene that played out that long ago day...because it is only by acknowledging the brutal details that I can fully grasp God's goodness...that I can fully appreciate what happened that day, what happened 3 days later. It is only by acknowledging to myself that I would not do the same...that I would not do it for the worst of these or even for you, that I see the truth. I am as wretched as the murderers or molesters; I am as stained & as guilty as the adulterers & thieves...I am in as dire need of a savior as the worst of these, & that day Abba, through the sacrifice of His son, took my wretched sin-stained soul & cleansed me white as snow...He did the same for you.
If you are a parent, look at each of your children today...consider all the makes them unique & special...imagine yourself in Abba's shoes...
If you have not yet had the joy of bringing a little one into the world, I encourage you nonetheless to consider today, the profound sacrifice that was made on your behalf...
Don't be afraid to feel conviction rain down, don't be afraid to fully grasp your wretchedness, for it upon that realization that today will truly become 'Good' Friday. Be Blessed!
Friday, April 12, 2013
A Good God & A Bad Day
When I was a little girl, my grandma used to read me a book called 'Alexander and the Terrible,Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day". The story chronicled the day of a little boy (Alexander). One can surmise from the title that it wasn't the best of days for poor Alexander...in fact it was well...you read the title ;o) Without even having read the book, I'm certain that most of us can relate to the way that little boy felt. Have you ever had a bad day? I mean a really bad day...a crumple up & cry kind of day? The kind of day in which every thing & everyone is irritating...when a snarl replaces your smile? The kind of day when everything that could go wrong does...and any semblance of a godly demeanor flies out the window? The kind of day in which you're certain that Abba must have an odd sense of humor...or you're being punished for something? Those are the days when I am extremely grateful that all of you aren't flies on the wall, watching my bad attitude & temper tantrums that usually come with on such days.
Life has a way of getting really overwhelming. Little itty bitty molehills become mountains. Aggravations & hurt feelings become resentment & bitterness. Decisions needing to be made & obligations to be kept, back you into a corner leaving you feeling trapped. Time & finances leave you strained & stressed. Sickness plagues the ones you love. A hundred people tug you in a hundred different directions. Everyone needs something, but no one asks what they can do for you. The only aisle at Walmart that doesn't have a billion people in it is the 10 item & under line. Some jerk tailgates you the whole way through town, passes you, only to turn 5 seconds later...The kiddos are clingy, whiny, & snotty...all of which is all over you. I know I'm not alone here...I'm not the only one who sometimes has to decide between bursting out into laughter (that borderlines insanity) or tears. Bad days happen...Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days happen. There was a guy in the Bible who had one of those days (lots of those days)...days worse than we could ever dream of!
Once upon a time there was a man named Job. Job was a good guy...a really good guy. He was also rich. Job honored The Lord, lived righteously, & God blessed him...but then Job had a bad day. A REALLY bad day...the kinda day that makes my bad day look like vacation. In the course of 1 day Job lost all of his livestock (11,500 oxen, sheep, donkeys, camels), his servants were murdered, & ALL 10 of his children died...like I said, a really bad day...a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. Just when things couldn't get any worse, they did. Job broke out from head to toe in sores...nasty, itchy, oozy sores. The only thing he could do was go sit out on an ash pile & scrap his sores with broken pottery (told ya it was a bad day). He was miserable...rightfully so...so miserable that suicide was an immense temptation. Shoot, even his wife wanted him to just curse God & die...but he didn't. Job's buddies come along, hoping to encourage him & console him, but alas that was a wee bit frustrating to a man who'd lost everything. Understandably, Job became angry...with his wife, with his friends, with God. He'd lost so much, was hurting so terribly that he wanted nothing more than to see his pitiful life end...but it didn't. Job began to get cranky (okay cranky might be too tame a word),He began to get bitter. It just didn't make sense. Why would God allow a good man suffer? In the midst of his misery, he began to have one heck of a pity party. Job began to ask questions, & God obliged in giving the answers. In the end The Lord restored Job to full health & He blessed him twice as much as he'd been blessed before. As if this story isn't interesting enough, behind the scenes we know that God allowed that bad day to happen to Job. God allowed everything Job possessed, everything he loved, & even his dignity to be stripped away. He allowed Job to be tested. God permitted that REALLY bad day...that terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.
One of the great quandaries of men (& women) is why/how a GOOD God allows BAD things to happen...especially to good people. This question & this doubt of God's goodness is often the excuse to refusing faith. I get it. It's hard to comprehend...when those bad days come, & we are up to our eyeballs in the quicksand of life it's hard to grasp why God allows it to happen. Beyond those molehill turned mountains, beyond those bad days & into true suffering...Sickness & Death, Abuse & Murder...we have to wonder why such evil exists & is allowed by a GOOD God. So often in these moments we shake our fists at Him & demand to know WHY...which is exactly what Job asked God...and believe me Abba had an answer. Before I share His answer, I want to make one thing clear, especially to nonbelievers who use this questioning of God's goodness as a reason not to believe & not to follow Him...God is GOOD. He has always been & will always be GOOD. God created a world & a man that were good & perfect. He gave that man free will & the ability to make choices.
Deuteronomy 30:19 "Today I have given you the choice between life & death, between blessings & curses. Now I call on heaven & earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you & your descendants might live!"
That man CHOSE to sin, & that action wrought grave repercussions. In that moment of selfish disobedience sin, sickness, & evil entered the world & have been here ever since. Bad things happen not by God's choice, but by man's.
Romans 5:12 "Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned-"
If we are completely honest, even though that's uncomfortable & convicting, we'd have to admit that the vast majority of our 'bad days' happen because of our poor choices, or the poor choices of someone else impacting us. If I choose to rack up credit card bills, is God to blame for my being overworked & having to live paycheck-to-paycheck? It's my fault not His. If an innocent person is killed because a man drove under the influence, was that God's doing? A man chose to drink...He chose to drive, & someone else was impacted by that choice. Those choices were made by man not God. You & I are to blame. You & I make choices, good ones & bad ones, & those choices have consequences or rewards. We've got to stop taking all the credit for the rewards, & we've got to stop shaking our first at God when we suffer consequences. There are most certainly bad things that happen that are beyond our control; cancer, disease, & death...those things are byproducts of living in this fallen world...they did not exist before man chose to sin. So why does God allow it? Why does He allow innocent people to suffer from an evil man's choices? Why does He allow bad things, the results of no choice at all, to happen?
That brings us full circle, back around to our buddy Job who had the terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. Job asked WHY to God...here's God's answer, summarized, paraphrased, & in layman's terms: "Who do you think you are to assume that you can understand everything that God almighty understands? Where were you when I created the heavens & the earth...the seasons & the flow of the tides? Where were you when I created life? I have a plan, but it's far beyond your capacity to understand." PLEASE read Job 38-40 to read God's response in it's entirety...it is such a strong answer. That answer, summed up, sounds insensitive, it sounds rude, but friends that couldn't be further from the truth. Those 2 chapters & that answer so fully describe God's splendor, His greatness, His perspective. It allows one to see just how big God is & just how small we are. It allows us to understand that all along God wanted us to have a choice, hence free will, to CHOOSE to love Him...to CHOOSE to have believe that He had a plan & could see the big picture, even if we cannot...that friends is the picture of Faith. Job got angry. Job became bitter, but Job never lost his faith. He never cursed God, & God blesses his faithfulness. Friends, it's okay to get angry. It's okay to not understand. It's okay to ask why, & it's okay to have bad days. In the depth of despair, we must hang on to faith. We must trust that He allows it for a reason.
There is a theory called Binary Opposition that says that for someone to wholly & fully grasp a concept, she/he must have an extreme opposite with which to compare it. For example: I can't fully appreciate the sunshine & warmth of Summer without the dark & cold of Winter. I can't fully feel joy without having felt sorrow. Because of this evil world I can grasp more fully God's Goodness. In line with this thought process, how would I know whether my faith is genuine?The only way to know true faith is by how it reacts when adversity comes. If life was easy peasy, then it would take precious little faith, but because of struggles & weakness we NEED Him...Faith is proven genuine by the bad times & our reactions to them.
My hope in all of this is that we would reconsider our terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad days. I hope that we will keep the frustrating days in perspective compared with those days that are TRULY bad. I hope that we will count our blessings on the bad days instead of seeing only the curses. I hope that we will think of Job, & be reminded of just how Big our God is & just how small we are. I hope that we will take responsibility for choices that yield bad days...rather than blaming God & accusing Him of being less than Good. Lastly I hope that we will see that by enduring one extreme, we can be more fully appreciative of the other end of the spectrum. God is Good, All the Time....please remember this is only a brief explanation of why Bad things happen, we could go much further in depth if needed. Be Blessed!
Psalm 107:1 "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!
Life has a way of getting really overwhelming. Little itty bitty molehills become mountains. Aggravations & hurt feelings become resentment & bitterness. Decisions needing to be made & obligations to be kept, back you into a corner leaving you feeling trapped. Time & finances leave you strained & stressed. Sickness plagues the ones you love. A hundred people tug you in a hundred different directions. Everyone needs something, but no one asks what they can do for you. The only aisle at Walmart that doesn't have a billion people in it is the 10 item & under line. Some jerk tailgates you the whole way through town, passes you, only to turn 5 seconds later...The kiddos are clingy, whiny, & snotty...all of which is all over you. I know I'm not alone here...I'm not the only one who sometimes has to decide between bursting out into laughter (that borderlines insanity) or tears. Bad days happen...Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days happen. There was a guy in the Bible who had one of those days (lots of those days)...days worse than we could ever dream of!
Once upon a time there was a man named Job. Job was a good guy...a really good guy. He was also rich. Job honored The Lord, lived righteously, & God blessed him...but then Job had a bad day. A REALLY bad day...the kinda day that makes my bad day look like vacation. In the course of 1 day Job lost all of his livestock (11,500 oxen, sheep, donkeys, camels), his servants were murdered, & ALL 10 of his children died...like I said, a really bad day...a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. Just when things couldn't get any worse, they did. Job broke out from head to toe in sores...nasty, itchy, oozy sores. The only thing he could do was go sit out on an ash pile & scrap his sores with broken pottery (told ya it was a bad day). He was miserable...rightfully so...so miserable that suicide was an immense temptation. Shoot, even his wife wanted him to just curse God & die...but he didn't. Job's buddies come along, hoping to encourage him & console him, but alas that was a wee bit frustrating to a man who'd lost everything. Understandably, Job became angry...with his wife, with his friends, with God. He'd lost so much, was hurting so terribly that he wanted nothing more than to see his pitiful life end...but it didn't. Job began to get cranky (okay cranky might be too tame a word),He began to get bitter. It just didn't make sense. Why would God allow a good man suffer? In the midst of his misery, he began to have one heck of a pity party. Job began to ask questions, & God obliged in giving the answers. In the end The Lord restored Job to full health & He blessed him twice as much as he'd been blessed before. As if this story isn't interesting enough, behind the scenes we know that God allowed that bad day to happen to Job. God allowed everything Job possessed, everything he loved, & even his dignity to be stripped away. He allowed Job to be tested. God permitted that REALLY bad day...that terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.
One of the great quandaries of men (& women) is why/how a GOOD God allows BAD things to happen...especially to good people. This question & this doubt of God's goodness is often the excuse to refusing faith. I get it. It's hard to comprehend...when those bad days come, & we are up to our eyeballs in the quicksand of life it's hard to grasp why God allows it to happen. Beyond those molehill turned mountains, beyond those bad days & into true suffering...Sickness & Death, Abuse & Murder...we have to wonder why such evil exists & is allowed by a GOOD God. So often in these moments we shake our fists at Him & demand to know WHY...which is exactly what Job asked God...and believe me Abba had an answer. Before I share His answer, I want to make one thing clear, especially to nonbelievers who use this questioning of God's goodness as a reason not to believe & not to follow Him...God is GOOD. He has always been & will always be GOOD. God created a world & a man that were good & perfect. He gave that man free will & the ability to make choices.
Deuteronomy 30:19 "Today I have given you the choice between life & death, between blessings & curses. Now I call on heaven & earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you & your descendants might live!"
That man CHOSE to sin, & that action wrought grave repercussions. In that moment of selfish disobedience sin, sickness, & evil entered the world & have been here ever since. Bad things happen not by God's choice, but by man's.
Romans 5:12 "Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned-"
If we are completely honest, even though that's uncomfortable & convicting, we'd have to admit that the vast majority of our 'bad days' happen because of our poor choices, or the poor choices of someone else impacting us. If I choose to rack up credit card bills, is God to blame for my being overworked & having to live paycheck-to-paycheck? It's my fault not His. If an innocent person is killed because a man drove under the influence, was that God's doing? A man chose to drink...He chose to drive, & someone else was impacted by that choice. Those choices were made by man not God. You & I are to blame. You & I make choices, good ones & bad ones, & those choices have consequences or rewards. We've got to stop taking all the credit for the rewards, & we've got to stop shaking our first at God when we suffer consequences. There are most certainly bad things that happen that are beyond our control; cancer, disease, & death...those things are byproducts of living in this fallen world...they did not exist before man chose to sin. So why does God allow it? Why does He allow innocent people to suffer from an evil man's choices? Why does He allow bad things, the results of no choice at all, to happen?
That brings us full circle, back around to our buddy Job who had the terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. Job asked WHY to God...here's God's answer, summarized, paraphrased, & in layman's terms: "Who do you think you are to assume that you can understand everything that God almighty understands? Where were you when I created the heavens & the earth...the seasons & the flow of the tides? Where were you when I created life? I have a plan, but it's far beyond your capacity to understand." PLEASE read Job 38-40 to read God's response in it's entirety...it is such a strong answer. That answer, summed up, sounds insensitive, it sounds rude, but friends that couldn't be further from the truth. Those 2 chapters & that answer so fully describe God's splendor, His greatness, His perspective. It allows one to see just how big God is & just how small we are. It allows us to understand that all along God wanted us to have a choice, hence free will, to CHOOSE to love Him...to CHOOSE to have believe that He had a plan & could see the big picture, even if we cannot...that friends is the picture of Faith. Job got angry. Job became bitter, but Job never lost his faith. He never cursed God, & God blesses his faithfulness. Friends, it's okay to get angry. It's okay to not understand. It's okay to ask why, & it's okay to have bad days. In the depth of despair, we must hang on to faith. We must trust that He allows it for a reason.
There is a theory called Binary Opposition that says that for someone to wholly & fully grasp a concept, she/he must have an extreme opposite with which to compare it. For example: I can't fully appreciate the sunshine & warmth of Summer without the dark & cold of Winter. I can't fully feel joy without having felt sorrow. Because of this evil world I can grasp more fully God's Goodness. In line with this thought process, how would I know whether my faith is genuine?The only way to know true faith is by how it reacts when adversity comes. If life was easy peasy, then it would take precious little faith, but because of struggles & weakness we NEED Him...Faith is proven genuine by the bad times & our reactions to them.
My hope in all of this is that we would reconsider our terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad days. I hope that we will keep the frustrating days in perspective compared with those days that are TRULY bad. I hope that we will count our blessings on the bad days instead of seeing only the curses. I hope that we will think of Job, & be reminded of just how Big our God is & just how small we are. I hope that we will take responsibility for choices that yield bad days...rather than blaming God & accusing Him of being less than Good. Lastly I hope that we will see that by enduring one extreme, we can be more fully appreciative of the other end of the spectrum. God is Good, All the Time....please remember this is only a brief explanation of why Bad things happen, we could go much further in depth if needed. Be Blessed!
Psalm 107:1 "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Simple Singer & A Work In Progress
A few years ago on Christmas morning I received a most wonderful gift...a Singer sewing machine! It took me another whole year to learn how to use the glorious thing. I tried not to be down trodden when I realized that my machine was emblazoned with the word 'Simple'. The advertisement for this particular Singer machine guaranteed that ANYONE could sew with this simple model...needless to say my ego took a hit. My first project was curtains for my kitchen, & lemme tell ya, I strutted like a rooster when I hung those babies up on the windows! Despite the uneven hems & loose threads everywhere, I couldn't be more proud. In the time since then I've become mildly proficient at operating my Singer, & there's nothing that I love more than taking a beautiful piece of fabric & making something useful out of it. The other day I made an apron for my little Goldilocks (she turns 4 here in a few weeks & is having a baking party). Months ago I'd sewed up 5 other aprons using the exact same pattern so I knew I'd fly through this project having done it so many times before...but that day everything that could go wrong did go wrong. I was ready to pull my hair out! My bobbin jammed...3 times. My thread broke twice. Belles 'N Whistles stepped on my foot...the foot that was on the pedal & sent the needle flying through my fabric. It was disastrous. To cap it all off I sewed one part on backwards & then had tear out each individual stitch. I'm fairly certain you could have seen steam pouring out my ears. Finally when all was said & done the apron was completed & it was just as precious as I'd imagined it would be. Just looking at it one would never know all the trauma the poor thing had been through in its making.
Needless to say I learned (relearned) a profound lesson that day...My sewing abilities are a work in progress. As Abba so often does, He laid a profound reminder upon my heart as well...I am a work in progress. I'm just like a sewing project...from a bolt of fabric to a completed project...from lump of clay to Daughter of the Most High...the process is the same.
Step 1: Pick a Fabric & Cut Out a Pattern
When I'm preparing for a sewing project, I already have a vision in my head of what my finished product will look like. I walk into a fabric store (don't even get me started on the glories of such places) & I meander around until a particular pattern speaks to me (if fabrics could speak, they'd call my name). I know right away when a particular fabric is the one for me. I have the yardage cut, I take it home, & begin cutting out the pattern. Those who sew know how utterly tedious it is to cut out the pattern pieces, pin them to the fabric, & then cut out each individual piece...but it's imperative to get this part right. Before you & I were ever born, Abba envisioned who we would be...He saw the finished product of our lives before they were even conceived.
"Your eyes saw my unformed substance, & in your Book all the days (of my life) were written before they ever took shape, when as yet there was none of them." (Psalm 139:16)
Before He choose the fabric of our personalities...just as particular fabrics speak to me, He chooses specific & unique qualities, quirks, & gifts for each of us, traits that speak to who He is.
"So God created human beings in His own image. In the image of God He created them; male & female He created them." (Genesis 1:27)
Before He cut out the pattern of the body that soul would fill...He KNEW who & what we would be.
"I'm an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking...you know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence." (Psalm 139:2,4)
Step 2: Pin the Pieces of the Pattern Together
Once the fabric's been picked & the pattern has been cut out the real fun begins! It's time to begin pinning the pieces of the pattern together. This is when a seamstress starts to see her vision taking shape & coming to life! It's important to remember that with most patterns, one is supposed to pin it inside out with the pretty print of the fabric on the inside...that way when the sewing is done you simply flip the project inside out & voila! (I totally did not do this the first time I sewed & it was a hot mess) You & I are born into a sin-filled world. We are born with sinful natures ourselves.
"For I was born a sinner-yes, from the moment my mother conceived me." (Psalm 51:5)
The good news is that we already know that Abba personally & intricately designed us...He handpicked us with a vision of the end product in mind. The beauty of Himself lay within us, & He knew that despite the sinful nature being evident...deep within was that image of Himself that would be revealed...so He takes His handpicked fabric in it's backwards shell & begins sewing together a life that is what He desires it to be...knowing that despite in the end His beautiful creation will be revealed.
"For you did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother's womb...My frame was not being hidden from you when you knit me together in secret intricately & curiously wrought in the depths of the earth." (Psalm 139:13, 15)
"Beloved, we are God's children now, & what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is." (1 John 3:2)
Step 3: Start Sewing & Voila!
Pieces of the pattern pinned it place, there's only one thing left to do; SEW! This is my favorite part...the vision becomes reality. Piece by piece, stitch by stitch the project begins to mold & take shape. What was once simply a bolt of cloth is now becoming something useful...something beautiful.
"For we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of The Lord, are being transformed in the same image from one form of glory to another. For this comes from The Lord who is the spirit." (2 Corinthians 3:18)
Our lives are much the same when we allow the Creator to begin creating a masterpiece using the fabric of our lives.
"Yet, you Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; We are all the work of your hand." (Isaiah 64:8)
When all the tedious cutting, pinning, & sewing is done...when the project is turned inside out...the beautiful completed project is revealed! The vision has become reality.
"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago." (Ephesians 2:10)
Step 4: Bobbins Jam, Threads Break, Mistakes are Made
After 3 years of sewing, I am certainly no expert, but I do know that no matter how much I've improved my sewing skills, I still make mistakes...my description of the other day is a prime example. There are still times when I have to rip apart the seams, take out stitches, & remove stray threads. It's a work in progress. The other day I was ready to throw in the towel & admit defeat. I was ready to toss that whole apron into my scrap bag, but I persisted. I tediously pulled apart every wrong stitched. I pulled off countless stray threads, & in the end the result was a beautiful (in my opinion) apron that my daughter will love...it was worth it. We are just like that. We will still sin...still make mistakes. Our lives will forever be works in progress with Abba removing wrong stitches (reproofing poor choices) & picking off stray threads (getting rids of bad habits)...but in the end we become His masterpiece. We must not be discouraged & give up...Abba will keep working on us as long as we abide in Him.
"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9)
We must not get proud, thinking that there's no room for improvement.
"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." (Proverbs 16:18)
When I look at that apron, I still see stray threads & mistakes that have been made...but the overall impact is a job well done. We will never be perfect, but if we continue to be that work in progress one day we too will be an overall work of art.
"I praise you because I am fearfully & wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Psalm 139:14)
May you be excited & motivated to see your life as a masterpiece in the making...as a work in progress! Be Blessed!
Needless to say I learned (relearned) a profound lesson that day...My sewing abilities are a work in progress. As Abba so often does, He laid a profound reminder upon my heart as well...I am a work in progress. I'm just like a sewing project...from a bolt of fabric to a completed project...from lump of clay to Daughter of the Most High...the process is the same.
Step 1: Pick a Fabric & Cut Out a Pattern
When I'm preparing for a sewing project, I already have a vision in my head of what my finished product will look like. I walk into a fabric store (don't even get me started on the glories of such places) & I meander around until a particular pattern speaks to me (if fabrics could speak, they'd call my name). I know right away when a particular fabric is the one for me. I have the yardage cut, I take it home, & begin cutting out the pattern. Those who sew know how utterly tedious it is to cut out the pattern pieces, pin them to the fabric, & then cut out each individual piece...but it's imperative to get this part right. Before you & I were ever born, Abba envisioned who we would be...He saw the finished product of our lives before they were even conceived.
"Your eyes saw my unformed substance, & in your Book all the days (of my life) were written before they ever took shape, when as yet there was none of them." (Psalm 139:16)
Before He choose the fabric of our personalities...just as particular fabrics speak to me, He chooses specific & unique qualities, quirks, & gifts for each of us, traits that speak to who He is.
"So God created human beings in His own image. In the image of God He created them; male & female He created them." (Genesis 1:27)
Before He cut out the pattern of the body that soul would fill...He KNEW who & what we would be.
"I'm an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking...you know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence." (Psalm 139:2,4)
Step 2: Pin the Pieces of the Pattern Together
Once the fabric's been picked & the pattern has been cut out the real fun begins! It's time to begin pinning the pieces of the pattern together. This is when a seamstress starts to see her vision taking shape & coming to life! It's important to remember that with most patterns, one is supposed to pin it inside out with the pretty print of the fabric on the inside...that way when the sewing is done you simply flip the project inside out & voila! (I totally did not do this the first time I sewed & it was a hot mess) You & I are born into a sin-filled world. We are born with sinful natures ourselves.
"For I was born a sinner-yes, from the moment my mother conceived me." (Psalm 51:5)
The good news is that we already know that Abba personally & intricately designed us...He handpicked us with a vision of the end product in mind. The beauty of Himself lay within us, & He knew that despite the sinful nature being evident...deep within was that image of Himself that would be revealed...so He takes His handpicked fabric in it's backwards shell & begins sewing together a life that is what He desires it to be...knowing that despite in the end His beautiful creation will be revealed.
"For you did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother's womb...My frame was not being hidden from you when you knit me together in secret intricately & curiously wrought in the depths of the earth." (Psalm 139:13, 15)
"Beloved, we are God's children now, & what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is." (1 John 3:2)
Step 3: Start Sewing & Voila!
Pieces of the pattern pinned it place, there's only one thing left to do; SEW! This is my favorite part...the vision becomes reality. Piece by piece, stitch by stitch the project begins to mold & take shape. What was once simply a bolt of cloth is now becoming something useful...something beautiful.
"For we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of The Lord, are being transformed in the same image from one form of glory to another. For this comes from The Lord who is the spirit." (2 Corinthians 3:18)
Our lives are much the same when we allow the Creator to begin creating a masterpiece using the fabric of our lives.
"Yet, you Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; We are all the work of your hand." (Isaiah 64:8)
When all the tedious cutting, pinning, & sewing is done...when the project is turned inside out...the beautiful completed project is revealed! The vision has become reality.
"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago." (Ephesians 2:10)
Step 4: Bobbins Jam, Threads Break, Mistakes are Made
After 3 years of sewing, I am certainly no expert, but I do know that no matter how much I've improved my sewing skills, I still make mistakes...my description of the other day is a prime example. There are still times when I have to rip apart the seams, take out stitches, & remove stray threads. It's a work in progress. The other day I was ready to throw in the towel & admit defeat. I was ready to toss that whole apron into my scrap bag, but I persisted. I tediously pulled apart every wrong stitched. I pulled off countless stray threads, & in the end the result was a beautiful (in my opinion) apron that my daughter will love...it was worth it. We are just like that. We will still sin...still make mistakes. Our lives will forever be works in progress with Abba removing wrong stitches (reproofing poor choices) & picking off stray threads (getting rids of bad habits)...but in the end we become His masterpiece. We must not be discouraged & give up...Abba will keep working on us as long as we abide in Him.
"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9)
We must not get proud, thinking that there's no room for improvement.
"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." (Proverbs 16:18)
When I look at that apron, I still see stray threads & mistakes that have been made...but the overall impact is a job well done. We will never be perfect, but if we continue to be that work in progress one day we too will be an overall work of art.
"I praise you because I am fearfully & wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Psalm 139:14)
May you be excited & motivated to see your life as a masterpiece in the making...as a work in progress! Be Blessed!
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