'Likewise, tell the older women to behave the way people leading a holy life should. They shouldn't be slanderers or slaves to excessive drinking. They should teach what is good, thus training the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to take good care of their homes and submit to their husbands. In this way, God's message will not be brought into disgrace.'
-Titus 2:3-5
Quality:
Homemaker: one who manages a household, especially as a wife & a mother
Other Version Wordings:
homemakers (AMP), be busy at home (NIV), to work in their homes (NLT)
Breakdown:
For the female gender the decision of whether to be a career-homemaker or a working woman has become a highly controversial issue. Feminists deem women who choose to be homemakers as weak, needy, without ambition, oppressed, & behind-the-times in terms of principal. On the other end of the spectrum there are those who judge the working woman & perceive them as callous, unfeeling, selfish, greedy, & arrogant. Each mentality is inaccurate & hurtful. I hope that you can see my heart within this post...I hope that you know I am not picking sides. Despite being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) now, I spent the 2 1/2 years of marriage (first 6 months of Goldilocks' life) working as much as possible. I have great empathy for the working mom who spends all day earning a paycheck & then comes home to make supper, do the laundry, clean the house, play with her children, & dote on her husband all before bedtime...and then does it all again the next day. I equally know how great the task is of being a career homemaker. Your entire existence, 24 hours a day 7 days a week, is work...you never escape it...there is no break, & to top it all off there certainly is no paycheck (monetary at least). The intention of this post is not to debate the issue of whether or not women should pursue careers outside the home. I fully believe (& know) that Abba instills a conviction, a 'knowing' on this matter within the heart of a woman...you don't need me or anyone else to tell you what you ought to be doing with your time. That issue needs to be navigated between husband & wife...between them & God. The purpose of this blog, of this Titus 2 Series, & of this post is to biblically define Abba's vision & plan for women's lives...the role they should fill. Despite society's & Feminists' declaration that there should be no distinction between the sexes, Abba says otherwise...and to my thinking, His opinion is the only one that matters.
Titus 2 lists 9 qualities that a godly woman should possess, homemaking is one of them. The Complete Jewish Bible translates the admonition as, 'to take good care of their homes.' One can consider 2 aspects of homemaking: physical & mental.
The physical side of keeping house is highly laborious...it's a whole lotta work! Doing laundry, washing dishes, dusting, mopping, sweeping, vacuuming, budgeting, baking, cooking, grocery shopping, organizing, cleaning, managing schedules, & yard work...are incredibly time consuming (not to mention unending)...and that list doesn't even include all that goes into taking care of children & a husband (I'm sorry if that offends Feminist sensibilities). The physical side of keeping house is demanding to say the least...and God wants us to do it well. Proverbs 31:10-31 describes a virtuous wife...and the vast majority of the description is of housekeeping tasks. Here's a brief vignette of the P31W (Proverbs 31 Woman):
-She spins wool & thread, to make clothing & blankets (vs. 13,19)
-She gets groceries (vs. 14)
-She rises early...before dawn...to cook breakfast (vs. 15)
-She manages the household's schedule (vs. 15)
-She budgets & invests (vs. 16)
-She contributes income (vs. 16, 18, 24)
-She gardens to provide food for family & income (vs. 16)
-She stays up late getting her work done (vs. 16)
-She meets her family's needs (vs. 21, 22)
Sound familiar? Even thousands of years later the demands of life have changed very little. In order to even complete all of her tasks, the P31W gets up early & stays up late...a sacrifice she's willing to make, by the way. That willingness to sacrifice, that Agape, brings us to the other aspect of homemaking, the mental side. Completing those countless housekeeping tasks, & completing them well, requires a certain mindset...a positive one. How often do you finish the umpteenth load of laundry only to find the hamper half full again? How long after you wash dishes is the sink piled high? How often do you fix supper only to serve it & see looks of disgust? How quickly do the weeds return to the flower bed after being pulled? Endless frustration arises in housekeeping because of how quickly completed tasks need doing all over again. It is very, very, VERY easy to become depressed, aggravated, disheartened, & generally unpleasant in those circumstances. How does the P31W handle her chaotic life?
'She is energetic & strong, a hard worker.' -Proverbs 31:17
'She is clothed with strength & dignity, & she laughs without fear of the future.' -Proverbs 31:25
'When she speaks, her words are wise, & she gives instruction with kindness.' -Proverbs 31:26
'She carefully watches everything in her household & suffers nothing from laziness.' -Proverbs 31:27
The P31W takes it all in stride...not only that, she thrives & flourishes. Does this in any way mean that she doesn't have bad days? Absolutely not, she's human. Does it mean that she doesn't get overwhelmed or frustrated? Not at all, but she doesn't wallow in it. The P31W knows how to Cowgirl Up. When the going gets tough, she doesn't sit down & cry (or she might for a minute), she pulls herself together, & gets the job done. It's not always easy, it's not always pleasant, but she does what needs doing...because that's Agape (selfless love). A godly woman knows that while her husband is the head of the home (darn those roles!), she's the heart. She sets the tone, creates the aura, & determines the vibe of the home. A woman (in the glory that is her sensitive, emotional, & nurturing God-given nature) has the ability to create an oasis amidst a desert. The softness or her voice, the tenderness of her hand, the thoughtful homey touches create a place of a refuge for her family. Equally true is that her curt temper, stinging remarks, & begrudging performance of duties yields tension & anxiousness. An integral part of homemaking is being the heart of the family.
'It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a nagging wife.' -Prov. 21:9
'A continual dripping on a rainy day & a nagging wife are alike.' -Prov. 27:15
'A wise woman, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.' -Prov. 14:1
In addition to Proverbs 31:10-31 & all the other verses cited in this post, 1 Timothy 5:14 also speaks to women fulfilling the role of homemaker. While all the world may argue over whether or not a woman should be a homemaker, scripture is clear that according to Abba there is no debate...If a woman marries, if she has children, then she is to be a homemaker. As I said before, whether or not she works outside the home or not is between she & her husband (them & God)...but regardless there is a role for her to fill in the home. This is an expectation of a godly woman. This is a twofold responsibility (physical & mental) of one who enters the marriage covenant & who brings life into the world.
Application:
There are women who are capable of, & who succeed at, managing a career along with the responsibility of homemaking. There are other women who have made the very act of homemaking their sole profession. Within either position there are some questions that need to be asked.
Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM): Simply being home full time does not necessarily a good homemaker make. It is very easy to neglect responsibilities, simply because you are surrounded by them at all times. We need to ask ourselves a few questions:
1. Am I intentional with my time? Do I engage with my husband & children or do I tune them out? Do I interact with them or do I distract them with toys & technology so that I can do my own thing?
2. Is there order to my home or chaos?
3. Do I complete my responsibilities proactively or am I always behind?
4. As the Heart of the home, what aura do I create for my family to come home to?
Simply being physically present is not enough. As a SAHM time should be spent intentionally, not wasted in idleness. It is very easy to become prideful of the fact that we 'sacrifice' by staying home, but there's nothing to brag about if we aren't doing our job well.
Workforce Women: Along with the responsibility of employment, you bear the weight of homemaking. It's incredibly hard to juggle it all & to let nothing fall to the wayside. To truly evaluate how well that task is working there are a few questions to ask:
1. Are you aware of the impacts & influences of caretakers, educators, peers, & etc. on the lives of your family? Are you confident of & in agreement with what they input into your children?
2. Can you mentally & physically manage the homemaking tasks in addition to work?
3. At the end of the work day, does your family get the best part of you or only what's left over?
4. What consumes you, what is your passion & priority? Does work take precedent over family?
There are women who can wear all the hats & wear them well. The priority of wives & mothers must always first be the home (family)...the career has to take a backseat in terms of importance. Be vigilant about those who care for your children when you are working. Try to ensure that this care reflects your parenting tactics & values as much as possible.
As I close, I want to acknowledge a certain league of women who want to stay home, but cannot/do not. There are women whose hearts yearn to be SAHM's but for who lack the support of their spouse or financially are strained. I know how hard that is. When I was first married, my husband liked the idea of me being home but didn't think it would be possible. He felt that I should work until it was financially possible for me to stay home. I respected his stance & continued working, but I also prayed that if staying home was God's will that He would allow John to feel as strongly about it as I did. Abba was faithful. My husband came home one day & had made the decision that I would stay home. We made sacrifices, did without, had tight weeks, & trusted that both Abba & John would provide...they always, ALWAYS have. If your heart longs to be home, but finances are tight & your husband is not supportive, pray for him, submit to him, honestly examine needs vs. wants, consider alternatives (part-time work or work-from-home opportunities) & be willing to make sacrifices. Abba will reward & honor the willingness to be obedient to that call.
Feminist Movement or not, trend of the culture or not, women who are wives & mothers have a God-given role to fill as homemaker...allow no one to degrade the high calling that is! Be Blessed.
Previous Titus 2 Series Posts:
