Years ago there was a reality TV show called, 'The Swan'. Producers scoured the country for 'Ugly Ducklings', a handful of women who'd failed to meet society's standard of beauty, & gave them a head-to-toe makeover...but this wasn't your typical get-a-new-do-n-duds type of transformation. These women left their families for months while they underwent countless plastic surgeries, toned up with rigorous diet & exercise plans, were given new wardrobes, & THEN got a new hairdo. At the end of each episode, the woman's families were present for the big reveal...they & viewers held their breath as out she came, the epitome of beauty...no longer an ugly duckling, but now a majestic swan (hence the name of the show). Every week, it was impossible to believe that the insecure, dowdy, frumpy, wilted lady at the beginning of the show was the same as the confident, smiling, radiant woman that walked out at the end. I'm not going to lie, I watched that show faithfully...I couldn't help myself. The transformations were so utterly astounding. I was nearly 18 years old at the time, & I remember watching that show & feeling 2 things: 1. How very sad it was to watch how these women had allowed their lives to be dictated by their appearance & beauty (or lack thereof) 2. How much I wished I could one day be "The Swan".
I cannot recall a time of looking in the mirror & liking what I saw. I cannot remember, even as a little girl, of not frowning at that reflection because nothing but flaws stood out. When all the other girls were getting shapely figures, I was getting bumps in all the wrong places. As a gymnast, power tumbler, & cheerleader I had biceps, trapezius, & quads muscles bugling every which way, but in the regions that mattered I was flat as a pancake. I hit a whopping 4'10" & stopped growing, so with that height & those muscles I much resembled a tree stump. At 18 years old, when scouted for a prestigious college cheer squad, I was told I'd have to lose 5lbs-putting me at 95- in order to do stunts. Buck teeth & a big nose just added to the whole mess of myself. At the time I was engaged to a man who would nearly break his neck looking at every female that walked by...so needless to say I was anything but confident. My body image & perception of myself were...well it's plain to see I related to the Ugly Duckling. Years later, body loose & sagging from having borne 3 children, I'd give about anything for those muscle I once possessed. Truth be known, I still feel much like that Ugly Duckling. I can't seem to help but look around me & compare myself to all of you. She has gorgeous hair, look at her eyes, & her figure...whew! True story. I'm not telling you this so that you compliment me after reading this (Please don't!) I'm sharing all of this for 2 reasons: 1. For the last several months I've been asking The Lord to reveal to me the beauty that He sees & He's opening my eyes 2. I don't think I'm the only one, not by a long shot, who has struggled with these feelings.
What is it within a woman that is so desperate to feel beautiful, & is equally as reluctant to see the beauty that she possesses? What is it about a woman that sees all other women as rivals or contenders in some supreme secret pageant? What lies within the secret place of a woman that reaps & sows insecurity & self-recrimination...that is quick to acknowledge her flaws but denies any point of refinement? What causes us to spend our lives on the quest of perfection & beauty-beauty by the worlds standard?
I don't know about you, but I for one am sick of that song & dance, tired of treadmill running on that quest-never getting any closer to that ridiculous goal. As the mother of 3 precious, gorgeous little girls, I look into their eyes & the thought of them joining me in that endless maze of beauty-seeking makes me ill. From the moment they were born, I have made certain they knew that they were beautiful, but The Lord has begun to make me very aware of something. They won't believe me. They won't believe that they are beautiful because their mommy doesn't believe that she is. They won't believe me when I say that their bodies are perfect & healthy because they watch me step on & off the scales constantly, because they see the pile of clothes at my feet on my 'fat days'. They won't believe that it's not clothes, or makeup, or jewelry that create their beauty because of my emphasis on them. My comments about their sweet noses, piercing eyes, & glorious hair will fall on deaf ears because they never hear me say such things about myself. Children may repeat what they hear, but their actions model what they see...but even greater than that motivation is the realization that Abba, creator of Heaven & Earth, designed me...I am His masterpiece, His work of Art.
Can you imagine going to a gallery viewing, with the Artist walking alongside you & explaining with emotion his thoughts behind the creation of each piece? Can you picture yourself gazing at his creations & scowling? Can you conceive of telling him how you'd have done it differently...used a different stroke or brighter color? Do I not do just that with this endless repulsion of myself? We have only to look at the splendid world around us, nature in it's grand glory, to see the profound beauty that Abba wove into it's creation...it only makes sense that if Abba created beauty in the earth that He would also imbue woman with such adornment...we who were the final creation that filled the void that remained after the making of man. It only makes sense that we, who were designed for His pleasure, for relationship with Him, would be pleasing to the eye.
"I praise you, for I am fearfully & wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." (Psalm 139:14)
The problem arises in that we are not seeking God's eye for beauty, but we are looking through the foggy corrupted haze of the sinful world's...judging ourselves by their standard. As long as we continue in that mindset, we will never ( I will never) see beauty in my reflection. If being 5'9", size 2, bleach blonde hair to your rump, blue-eyed, small nosed, high cheek boned is beauty well then I'm gonna throw up my hands in defeat right now. This world cares little about the inner making of a woman...it does not in any way correlate outer appearance with character & integrity. Scripture is clear that outer beauty, without that, is shallow & temporary.
"Charm is deceptive & beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears The Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)
"Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair & the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle & quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." (1 Peter 3:3-4)
Perhaps I should end this by saying I'm giving up all of my makeup, hair products, & trendy clothing, but I'm not...because I know that all of that would do no good without a transformation of my heart & mind...and truthfully I see nothing wrong with enjoying a bit of makeup, hairspray, & a cute outfit...as long I'm not obsessed with them. These last few months I've been asking The Lord to reveal the beauty, both inner & outer, that He sees in me. I've been asking Him to allow me to acknowledge the admirable things about myself. I began these petitions with little hope that any real change would occur, but my Abba is faithful. I won't boast about my awesome Pixie Cut or my awesome clearance-rack-threads (trying to use cool lingo here), but I will say that when I look in the mirror the reflection is starting to look different then it once did. While I am far (FAR) from perfect, the appeal of being a woman seeking God's heart, is peering through...& I am able to see how she makes a big nose smaller, brown eyes shiny, & a smile warm. I am able to see how a face...with that character being cultivated within...is beautiful. I'm beginning, in slow minute baby steps, to think less about what you (insert name of any woman) are going to think about me when you look at me. I'm beginning to be less concerned by that extra pound or two...or three or four. I'm more able to head out the door without a second or third glance in the mirror, because I'm becoming more certain that if I look in your eyes & smile...you'll see something appealing (deeper than my appearance) there. I've become certain of the fact that I am indeed an Ugly Duckling...not because of a lack of beauty but because of a sinful nature...an Ugly Duckling in the process of becoming a Swan...through Grace, I've received a new nature & am now being cultivated into a work of Art, shaped & molded by a gracious Creator with an eye for beauty.
This day my heart is that you would begin to see yourself as the ravishing beauty that you are...that the mindset of this world would begin to give way to the perspective of the Creator who designed you...that you'd look in the mirror & see not flaws but an inner beauty that radiates outwardly. Be Blessed, Beautiful Sisters!
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