Grrr...(that's my frustrated, mean growl)! Daily I wage war with the laundry hamper & the kitchen sink, & daily I lose. Hmmppphhh...(that's my frustrated, aggravated sigh) as I pull up to the drive thru at the bank & open my car door rather than roll down the window because the stupid thing broke. Some days it seems as though everything I do, everything I say, everything I think reeks with irritation & plain old discontentment. Somedays every person I see looks better, dresses better, & acts better than I do. Somedays I am just utterly discontent. Somedays I am certain that just a little more money, a little nicer clothes, & a little better car will make everything better. Somedays, deep down, I know that even if I had a little more of all of those things, I'd still be dissatisfied.
Discontentment is a plague that eats away at one's morale. It breeds resentment & bitterness. It fosters jealousy & envy. Dissatisfaction sends us on a never ending quest for contentment. Each time we set out to acquire that 'thing' which everyone else has but we do not...that 'thing' that will finally end that ceaseless gnawing feeling, but that 'thing' is elusive. All the money, time, & possessions in the world aren't enough, because when it comes down to it there's always someone else who has it better, someone else who has more. Even within the Church, there's dissatisfaction & a 'Keeping up with the Jones's' mentality. So & so is more spiritual than I am. She prays better. He's a better spiritual leader & family man. So & so is a leader in the church, while I just fill the pew. She goes on mission trips & works at a homeless shelter, but I just raise my kids. He's more involved in ministry. Everyone we look at seems to know more & be more in terms of faith, & it eats away at you (or me).
In a world that thrives upon materialism, & in a culture that's made everything a competition (even maturity in faith), it's nearly impossible to be complacent & content. I find myself at times, caught up in that mindset. I find myself weighted down & wilted because of wanting what I don't have. I compare myself to others & feel wholly inadequate & useless. When I am caught up in the rut of dissatisfaction, I'm not a pretty person. The more I dig into the Word to discover Abba's desire for us as women, the more I see how vital it is that we be joyful, that we be merry in spirit...& the more I see that discontentment makes that impossible.
'A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22)
The fruit of the Spirit is 'love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23), but all of those things are hard to have when I'm irritated, aggravated, envious, & jealous...all of which stem from dissatisfaction.
If discontentment is the illness, then what's the antidote? A grateful heart. I can be so quick to express frustration when things don't go my way, but slow to give praise for the things that do. There's a hymn that says, "Count your many blessings, name them one by one. Count your many blessings, see what God has done" -Such a simple admonishment. I've been trying to do just that lately. I've been striving to see the positive rather than the negative...if the sink is full, then we are blessed to have food...if the laundry is piled high, then we are well clothed. When the Darlings are whiny & needy, I think of those women who struggle with infertility...who've suffered from miscarriage & still-birth. I've been amazed at just how much 'taking every thought captive' & counting my blessings has transformed by mind...& my heart. This isn't a deep & complicated message today. This isn't a post huge in revelation. This is an open admission to a weakness of mine, & a declaration to try to remedy that. I look at my life, & can't help but be incredibly humbled by how richly I've been blessed & shameful for my dissatisfaction (and the impact that has upon me). I want dearly to be like Paul...to be joyful, grateful, & content regardless of circumstance.
"...Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am." (Philippians 4:11-13)
So THIS has become my quest...the gratefulness & contentment from counting my blesses & from knowing that Abba is all I truly need. Today I am grateful for my cranky kiddos. I am thankful for my mama mobile (even with broken window). I am thankful for laundry needing folded & supper needing cooked. I am blessed beyond measure...and in this moment I am satisfied! Be Blessed today!
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