Hi! I am Lauren from The A* Team! Brianne asked me to share thoughts on this blog occasionally and it's a great fit for me because I desire young women everywhere to walk in freedom, truth and victory.
I meet many girls whose standards are far too low when it comes to opposite sex relationships. God's Word instructs in Proverbs 4:23 that we are to guard our hearts, because it is the wellspring of LIFE. I see too many girls taking risks with their time, money, energy, and lives on boys who don't share their faith, ambition, or love for Jesus.
Has no one told you that God has more for you than mediocre relationships? If not, let me be the first.
I've prepared a few questions for you to ask in regard to young men with whom you spend time. I wish someone would have told me this in high school...it would have spared me much heartache!!
1. How does he handle authority?
We spend our whole lives under different types of authority. At church (our pastors), at work (our boss), at school (administration/teachers), and the most important authority figure, the LORD. how does the guy respond to those above him? Does he honor them or speak disrespectfully to them? Does he nod when they ask him to do something and then do it with a careless attitude, or does he do things diligently with an eye for excellence? If he has a teachable spirit, he will behave in a manner worthy of the respect of those over him. Keep in mind that this is someone you are interested in spending your life with, and if he doesn't care for or listen to authority, how will he lead you? How will he hold a job and support your family? Would he stand up against unjust practices in the workplace or school environment, even if it means losing his position under ungodly employers? Will his positive attitude make him benefit those who depend on him? This is crucial because it reveals to you at least in part how he responds to God's leadership in his life.
2. How does he react to adversity?
We had not yet been dating a year when my husband Seth met my extended family for the first time. It was not the most ideal way to meet them because my mom was very close to death. Yet it caught my eye that Seth handled that meeting, the illness of my mom, and even an embarrassing flat tire in front of all of my family with grace, humility and gentleness, not anger and frustration. I remember that night as a moment when I knew he could be trusted in adversity.
Ladies, you will face a lot of difficult circumstances in your life. Watch for how men react in those moments, because it's easy to talk cute and have a kind tone of voice when everything is rosy. I encourage you to keep your eye on how he handles things like when someone ruins the big game on the DVR, or a forgetful waiter, or having to go out of his way when he's not expecting to. This will reveal much about his character and whether he can be trusted in minor inconveniences (like flat tires) and it great tragedy (like losing a loved one).
3. Does his life reflect authenticity?
Is this man really who he pretends to be? Does he have one side that everyone sees and then another that you claim to see when you're alone? Be careful. Honest people let you know who they are and don't confuse you with different personalities in different situations. Observe how he acts around your friends, and then with his. Does he make crude jokes depending on the audience? Does he stand up for the bullied one all the time, or just when his friends aren't around? You want to find a man who is consistent in character: upstanding all the time. Authentic people don't cheat on their spouses or steal money from their company or abuse others. If you see an honest life that doesn't change for an audience, that is someone worthy of respect!
4. Does he seek out accountability?
Look for a man who has others asking him good questions about his walk with Christ, his behavior when no one is around, and the way he gets along with his parents. If he cares enough to have others help him, that means that he wants to be the best man he can be. You want a man who has male friends that challenge him. Friends with goals and ambition and drive. This will help him be a better man and is a good indicator of what I mentioned in point 1 -- someone with an ability to learn from others.
5. Does he demonstrate action toward reaching his goals?
Does he have a "want to" ? Does he go to work and do a good job? Does he do his homework and show up for class? If not, he will soon be looking for someone to care for him and he is not mature enough for a relationship. A man who sticks to something is rare these days because many people quit if things are hard. I dare you to look for a man who has goals and ambitions and doesn't sit in the basement playing Halo all day while his mother brings him juice boxes. I challenge you to hold out for a man who works at everything he does as though doing it for Jesus himself, including winning your heart. That will be a fun job for a man who loves hard work!
These are just a few guidelines in hopes that you will be able to discern whether a young man is worth having in your life.
Father, I pray for every young woman who reads this. Encourage her to hide herself in You, Lord. May she trust you in all areas and be honest with herself regarding the standards that You have set before her and hold to those standards even when it may mean a small bit of disappointment now, but victory and healthy relationships later. Help her to see that You are the only One who can give her the affirmation she needs. Because of Jesus, Amen.
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