There was once a boy who was interested in a girl. He wanted to ask her out in a very sweet way and went to great lengths to do so. When he discovered that the yellow rose was her favorite flower, he sent her a dozen along with a note. It said, “I think you are as beautiful as these roses. Would you consider allowing me to take you to dinner?” Here is another story. A man & his bride were celebrating their 1st Christmas as husband and wife. The man handed his wife an oddly shaped box & could scarcely keep the grin from his face as she opened the gift. The young woman held her breath in anticipation at what gift her beloved had chosen to honor their first holiday together. The wrapping paper fell away to reveal a brown canvas coat. Which story strikes you as the most romantic? It seems like a silly question & perhaps it is until you hear the conclusion of each. In the first story, the girl was knowledgeable of the fact that the man’s character did not match up with his sweet gesture & she turned him down. Only a few weeks later that man began pursuing her very own younger sister. In the 2nd story, the young man helped his wife try on the coat & with love in his voice he told her of how he noticed that her good coat got dirty every time they went to feed the cows together. “Now you know you belong on the farm with me,” he told her. Sister, truly I tell you that more love & romance filled that first Christmas moment than even 12 dozen roses could begin to display. I know because these stories are both mine.
I am a romantic at heart. In all of my dating experiences there was no lack of romantic gestures as a guy pursued me. Flowers, cards, love notes, gifts, & special dates…all the things we grow up believing are actions reflecting love. But let me tell you dear one, romance does not a relationship make! As girls we grow up with fairytales…princesses in need of rescuing, & the prince or hero always comes in the nick of time. As teenagers & young women we become absorbed with romance novels & movies that further this perception. Let me pause and say this: It may be a very wise decision indeed to put down those books. I confess that love stories, Christian romance novels are a weakness of mine, & as much as I enjoy reading them they have skewed my judgment & expectation of what romance truly is. I implore you that if you cannot read these stories as they were intended (works of fiction) to not allow yourself to be swept away by the unrealistic expectations that they create. As young women entering into dating or courtship without even realizing it, we hold these grand dreams of romance. Our beau, our prince, our knight in shining armor will shower us with these tokens of love without fail for the rest of our days. We believe that, even if it seems silly to admit. When the guy disappoints us by not making these gestures at all or by allowing them to dwindle over time, we write that poor boy off as inconsiderate & insincere. Perhaps I read too much into this, but I have come to believe strongly that Satan gives we women a false expectation & understanding of romance in order to set relationships up for failure. When women become discontented & frustrated with the lack of romance in their relationship, they disengage, become resentful, & ultimately even if does not end in divorce, the relationship fails. When the marriage relationship fails, the family fails. Satan will do anything to destroy a family, because God bring His love into our comprehension through marriage…through family. I learned this the hard way.
I spent a good portion of my first year of marriage lamenting the fact that my husband did not love me because he wasn’t endlessly showering me with gestures of romance. Where were the flowers? The love letters? I’m ashamed now to admit that had the Lord not intervened I very well might have let it ruin our marriage. God in His grace began opening my eyes to the countless ways in which John daily showed me his love. As the transformation of my heart took place I was astounded to see that my husband had been romancing me all along in real, deep, meaningful, & purposeful ways. God designed us as women to crave romance. There is nothing wrong with wanting that in your marriage, but I now know that it is vital for us to understand what romance truly is. I believe that true romance is merely the acting out of Christ-like qualities. The fruits of the Spirit when shown to you by a man are romantic gestures. We always refer to 1 Corinthians 13 as the Love Chapter. What does it say that love is? Patience, kindness, humility, a calm-forgiving nature, protection, provision, hopefulness, & trust…these things given to you by the one you love are the greatest examples of love that we women could as for. When I saw these qualities in my husband, displayed towards me and even towards others I fell in love with him all over again. Daily I fall deeper in love with my John, because daily he becomes more a man after God’s heart. When I hear my husband preach, when he picks up hitchhikers from the side of the road, when he plays with my daughters…he woos me.
I am so grateful that God has taught me to see romance through His eyes, & I hope that my sharing this saves you the heartache that I endured for a time. Desire romance sisters, you should, but please grasp it as it should be understood. Roses and love notes are wonderful, but even the most ardent suitor will eventually cease these gestures or at the very least they become meaningless. A man who exhibits Christ’s love will Always be winning your heart, even when you are old and gray. I pray that God fills your soul with a longing & understanding of realistic romance & of godly expectations for the love of your life. As a daughter & a princess of the Most High, you are worthy of such love, but you are also obligated to reciprocate it as well. Do not allow yourself to enter courtship under the world’s view of romance, I can promise you that you will be disappointed if you do. Pray for this insight, but also look for it in your father’s behavior towards your mother, & when love comes your way you too will be continuously wooed by the man God created just for you.
Be Blessed,
Bri Davidson
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