Saturday, July 28, 2012

Dehydration: Spiritual Thirst

Dear Ones,
I have greatly neglected you this week! I feel certain though that when I share with you the cause of my blogger-absence that you'll forgive me. On Monday my daughter Jordyn had surgery to insert ear tubes as well as to remove her adenoids & tonsils. In a rather loopy state she blissfully rode a little red wagon off to surgery, but it's been all downhill since then.
At the post-op consultation the Doctor let us know that he had great difficulty finding & maintaining an IV...by that I mean my poor girl had 10 needle sticks & had to have a new IV insertion mid-surgery. Despite that the surgery went as planned, but my Jordyn woke up in a hysterical mess. The darn IV once again clogged & she did not receive the due pain medicine. After a rough night, we finally were able to bring our girl home, but the trouble did not end there. My strong-willed child would not drink. Dehydration was the main fear of the doctor & before I knew it we were in a downward spiral towards that end. Jordyn spiked a 103 fever, became very lethargic, began vomiting, got constipated, & still refused to eat or drink. In her weakness her limbs were shaking so badly that she could not stand. Several times I would think we were out of the woods only to find ourselves in a downward spiral. I might sound a bit dramatic & perhaps I am, but the severity of the situation was very real to this mama as I watched my daughter suffer. My mom, my husband, & myself begged, pleaded, threatened, & bribed Jordyn to drink or eat...all to no avail. I confess that I sweet-talked, hollered, & cried at my poor girl, desperately trying to get to her to do what I knew would make her well. She refused. At times I know that her unwillingness to drink was due to feeling crummy, & I am equally as certain that at times she was merely being stubborn. By God's grace, in answer to many prayers (and thanks to an enema) each time right before we were forced to take her to the hospital she would perk up & drink just enough to get her back into a safer state of health. 
While Jordyn remains in an endlessly cranky & irritable frame of mind, we are finally on the mend. Mama is frazzled, daddy is exhausted, & our other two girls feel neglected...this family bears battle scars, but it is so good to see the smile that she slips on every once in a while. We're still pushing fluids & pinning her down to take medicine every 2 hours, but there is light at the end of the tunnel!
All of that said God has used this traumatic experience to give me a glimpse into His heart. Sisters (& Brothers, if you read this blog) how often are we the stubborn child that refuses to eat or drink? The way the our faith in nourished is through the consumption of our Father's Word & by drinking in His presence. How often do we wonder why we're parched, weak, & irritable...wonder why our faith has withered? What can we expect when we've made no effort to hydrate ourselves? Spiritual health can not prosper when it does not receive nourishment. God will not shove the Bread of Life down our throats...nor will He drown us in His presence if we do not want it...do not seek it. We cannot shake our fists at God, blame Him for our poor spiritual health when we alone must make the choice to hydrate our faith. I have now experienced (to some extent) the frustration the Lord faces. I have watched my child suffer due to her pain & due to her sheer stubbornness. I have been in that tough position of knowing what needed to be done to make her well & of not being able to make it happen. My heart broke watching my little girls cry & gradually become a shadow of herself as she became dehydrated. Our Father's heart breaks as He watches us become mere shadows of the beings He designed us to be. He must be overwhelmed with frustration as He sees us choose to let our faith dry up. Having endured the heartache, fear, & helplessness of this last week, I now on a deeper level see the importance of partaking of the Bread of Life...of Drinking in His presence. I will endeavor to be more persistent & intentional in nourishing my faith...I hope that you will too. If you have withered in your faith, if the path between you & the Father has dried up, all you must do to restore what has been lost is to seek His nourishment. Consume His Word & Drown in His Presence!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Precious Princesses...My Daughters

I thought I might share with you a little more about what motivates me to pour out my heart to all of you. I am the mother of 3 beautiful little girls. Daily I look into their eyes & pray that the romance of their lives will be falling in love with Jesus. It's my deepest hope that one day they might read the words I have written, take them to heart, & be spared (at least some of) the heartache that I've endured...the regrets that I have. I know that they will make mistakes & learn from them. I know that they will endure the struggles that every young woman faces, but I hope that my willingness to be transparent might act as a guide & a point of reference to them...that's my heart for you as well. All of that said let my introduce you to my first Precious Princess


Abigail Grace

Abigail means "Her Father's Joy" & oh how accurate that description is! From the time I was 10 years old I knew that I wanted to be a mommy, & this sweet blue eyed, blonde haired little wonder fulfilled that desire! At 3 years old my little Abigail has a mighty personality! She's a bit of a showboat, loving to sing & dance & put on a show! She has a tender heart & is extremely sensitive. Abigail is already into fashion, particularly dresses & shoes! Her most recent phase is deciding that mommy no longer needs to be her stylist. As feminine and girly as she is, our little lady has a love for the outdoors. She loves to find beautiful rocks, to ride in her daddy's semi, to "explore" the woods in which we live. Abigail is crazy about horses & adores riding. She is a little nerd (which makes me very proud) & constantly asks, "Help me learn, Mommy!" She has a strong desire to please others, to make them happy, to make them smile. Abigail is wise beyond her years & says things that amaze me. She is a wonderful big sister & a terrific helper to mommy. She has reached that rough stage of not being a baby anymore but not quite a big girl either. Abigail loves to worship, to raise her hands & dance with the abandon that only children have. She is sweet as can be, but often surprises me with her spunk! She is anxious & worries far more than she should. Oh How I Love Her!


Jordyn Elizabeth

The look on my Jordyn's face in this picture is not a fluke...it's a look I get often out of my sassy second born! Her name means "God's Promises Flow Down" & how I am reminded of that every time those little arms of hers wrap around my neck! Abigail was only 6 months old (crazy I know) when we had the desire for another child & less than a month later our precious Jordyn was on the way! My little lady was sweet as could be & mellow her first few months of life, but somewhere along the way this tremendous personality emerged! Jordyn is all spitfire & sass. She's my little firecracker, but often so very sweet that tears come to my eyes. She's far from compliant & already shows an independent nature (that I have to admit scares me a little). She's a do-it-by-myself kinda girl. Her black hair & dark eyes make her quite a little beauty (says a biased momma). She is seldom seen without dragging along her sidekick of a stuffed pig (for those of you who have seen Piggy in person, you know how dearly loved he is by his well-worn appearance). Jordyn tries my patience & tests boundaries constantly, but when she is in a loving mood there's no one sweeter than my Jordy. She adores her big sister & is lost without her. She is beginning to embrace her "big sister" role & often chides me for letting Isabella cry. She too has an outdoorsy side & loves to ride horses & in the semi with Daddy. She's a little comedian & knows how to make people laugh. She often throws her arms around my neck & says in her cute little voice "Need a hug, Momma!". She's bold & she's brave. She is protective of those she loves. My Jordyn warms my heart & holds a place there that belongs only to her!


Isabella Hope

When my Grammie (a true Proverbs 31 woman) unexpectedly passed away, my heart began longing for another child, another daughter truthfully. Right before Jordyn turned 1, John & I were pleased to discover that God had blessed us with another gift, daughter #3. Isabella Hope means "My God is a Promise of Hope", her name hold such special meaning to me because of the loss of my beloved Grammie.My pregnancy with Isabella was rough from the get-go & several times I thought that I had lost my precious girl. The day she was born was such a sweet moment of finally having her in my arms, safe & sound.  Sweet Bella Hope is 10 weeks old now. She is a gem of a baby! Bella is quick to smile. She has a sweet nature, but a fierce temper when she gets riled (which rarely happens). She is fascinated by her big sisters, captivated by her daddy, & is quite attached to mommy. She is a tiny little lady, but is starting to fill out. I am anxious to see her little personality emerge, to see how she keeps up with those sisters of hers! She loves to be talked to & snuggled. She provides a whole new dynamic to our family & is a source of joy to each of us.    My sweet Isabella Hope fills my heart to overflowing!

These precious little princesses are the fulfillment of all of my desires. My calling in life is to raise them up & to train them to be Princesses & Daughters of the Most High...daily I remind myself to be diligent in that task. I hope that seeing them, & knowing them helps you to know me better & to see that my heart is always to help each of us be & become the women God wants us to be.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Rumspringa: A Spirit of Rebellion

The Amish culture fascinates me. A very dear friend of mine grew up Old Order Amish, & I loved spending time with her & her family. As teenagers I would drive Leah around in my little black sunfire, & she'd take me for rides in her little black buggy. So vastly different in our culture, we have always been sisters at heart. When Leah turned 16 she entered a time of "running around" or Rumspringa. For those unfamiliar with the Amish community, this is a time in which parents permit their teenage children to "test the waters". Parents have faith that the upbringing that they have provided to their children will have more pull than the lure of the "English" world & that their children will ultimately join the Amish church thereby leaving the secular world behind. During Rumspringa many Amish teenagers set out to experience that which is forbidden by the Ordnung (Rules & Expectations in the Amish church). Amish parents often turn a blind eye as many of their teens will purchase cars, cut their hair into fashionable styles, wear modern clothing, & etc. Often the behavior is far more rebellious than that & involvement in drinking, drugs, & sex occurs...

*I want to pause & say that many in the English culture thumb their noses & pass judgement upon this tradition & of the Amish church for allowing it...that is wrong. While I do not agree with this practice, I must say that our "English" culture is notorious for allowing our teenagers & young adults to run amok. The teenagers of our culture do the same & even far worse than those within the Amish.I am in no way condemning or speaking against the Amish, merely using this practice of Running Around as an example*

The secular world & even the church in Western culture have also slowly dissolved their standards to the point that it is generally accepted that teenagers will rebel. It is now "normal" for young adults to go through a time in their life in which they lack responsibility for their actions. The phrase "Typical Teenager" is often heard. We merely sit back & sigh about the behavior of youth. Underage drinking, casual sex, drug experimentation, lewd dress, utter disrespect for authority, & etc. are all now merely considered part of the growing up process. College has become less about the gaining of knowledge & more about being "an experience" that youth are just entitled to have. Parents refuse to hold their children accountable for these actions & often step in to bail them out when the repercussions of these poor choices finally do catch up with them.

Sisters of Faith, you Proverbs 31 Women, this is wrong! We are to be a people set apart for the Lord, a peculiar people...As a daughter of the Lord, as a princess of the King of Kings, as one saved by the Blood & given a new nature, hear me:  There is NO permissible time to knowingly do wrong.Whether you are 16, 26, or 66,  wrong is wrong, right is right & you have an ethical & spiritual obligation to choose good over evil, right over wrong, holiness over sin. Just because the world says it is okay to go through a period of disrespect for yourselves & others does not make it right. It is time for us to rise up & call this acceptance of sin what it is....wrong. We are to be peculiar...above the standards of man & society. Young women, young mothers, young wives rise up in righteousness! It is NOT okay to disrespect our parents/elders. It is NOT okay to tempt men with our manner of dress & the flirtation of our demeanor. It is NOT okay drink underage or to the point of drunkenness. It is NOT okay to shirk responsibility. It is NOT okay to compromise moral integrity to "fit in". There is nothing Normal about soiling the new nature of Christ with the self-centered, sin-ridden immorality of this world. Hear my heart, Sisters, I am not trying to pass judgement, merely to speak truth. We cannot afford to sugar coat sin. We cannot afford to indulge in a period of rebellion. Our actions, words, & thoughts are always an indicator of the state of our hearts. Rebellion, even in thought only, is a dangerous poison that spreads.

I do want to say that while it is not normal or okay for a believer to have a time of "Rumspringa", it is another matter altogether to have a questioning mind. If you have questions, seek the answers. By all means search out & find solutions to the queries that plague you, but do not assume because you have questions that the answers lie within the world. Do not place too much weight on the glory of "fitting in", of being accepted. Do not think that because you have set yourself apart for Christ that you are missing out elsewhere. What are you really missing out on by not going to the "kegger in the country"? What self-esteem do you really gain by letting "it all hang out"? How much respect do you gain from your parents when you disrespect them?  If there is a situation in which you are tempted to engage in, ask yourself these questions: 1. Does it glorify the Father? 2. Do you feel the need to hide it or downplay it to your parents? 3. Does it deepen or cheapen you as a person? The answers to these questions instantly tell you whether that situation is one you ought to put yourself in.

I speak to you on this topic as one who has walked in your shoes. As a teenager, I chose to be a peculiar person, set apart for my Father. I was a "good girl" for the most part. I didn't engage in typical teen behavior & I can tell you today as a Proverbs 31 Woman (in training), as a daughter, as a wife, as a mother...I in no way regret "missing out" on my Rumspringa. I am irrevocably proud of my stand as a young woman of faith, of my willingness to maintain my moral integrity. I can tell you that while I did not fit in, more often than not, I was respected. Years later I have been told by former peers how much of an impact I had on them by not doing what they did. Sisters, you have an eternal life to live! One that has far greater rewards than the temporary glory or pleasure this world offers. Hold your standards & expectations for yourself high & do not succumb to the temptation to be just another typical teenager. Made in the image of God...your are anything but Typical! Parents, may we end the cycle of low expectation! We must hold our children accountable in the way the Father would. Teach your children right & expect them to do it. Be disappointed when they intentionally stray. Allow them to suffer the consequences of their actions.Continuously & unceasingly guide them towards Grace. Show mercy, but acknowledge sin for what it is. 


Sisters, do not waste time "running around", run straight into the Father's open arms & abide there!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Proverbs 31:21

"She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; 
   their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear."

Qualities:
              Peaceful Demeanor: Cool-Calm-Collected
               Prepared: Organized in anticipation of  ready mentally, & physically for what's to come


Breakdown:
Here in Indiana seasons are wildly unpredictable. Spring came in early February this last year, & some would argue that Winter never really arrived in the first place. There are years where Summer goes straight to Winter with no sign at all of Autumn. Spring has been reduced to a mere few days...a couple of weeks at best. To my husband's bewilderment, I have begun a habit of buying my oldest daughter's clothes a year in advance (1. Clearance = BIG Savings! 2. The way the weather is here, it's good to be ready with clothes that fit!) Call it OCD, or over-anxious...I like to call it being prepared. Years ago I'd read a devotional about becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman (P31W) & preparedness was one of the qualities the author listed as an important one to master. The biblical P31W had her ducks in a row. I'd imagine that come winter time her pantry was full of canned goods, supplies stocked up for a surprise snow storm (Not really sure if this happened in the middle-east or not). She had the hand-me-downs ready for the next kiddo in the line...fire wood was stacked at the kitchen door ready to keep the hearth blazing hot. The P31W was prepared for the seasons to change & for nature to take it's course. The result of being ready for what's to come is that the P31W can (for the most part) remain peaceful, cool-calm-&-collected. 


We live a life of busyness. Most of us hover in a state of chaos a vast majority of the time. Obligations, commitments, appointments, hobbies, even leisure activities fill up our days & evenings. Many of us are lucky to get a moment to stop long enough to take a deep breath every day. Daily life just leaves us plain weary. Being prepared & organized can allow a hectic life to run a little more smoothly....thereby making it easier for the modern day P31W to maintain a demeanor of peace & not one of anxiousness. I do want to say that busyness is not a good thing.  It's very hard to "Be Still & Know He is God" when we are running around with chickens with our heads cut off.  We are rarely still...therefore we rarely listen (truly listen) to Our Father. Our relationship with Him often has a vast chasm merely because of this lack of time to abide in the Lord, & if our Spiritual life suffers it can only be assumed that other relationships suffer as well.  How often does your family simply take a quiet evening at home, sitting down to dinner with no rush to be off doing something else? How often do your children get a quiet day at home to simply play & take a good nap?  There is no condemnation here, only a desire that we be aware of how truly busy we stay. We cannot be of calm temperament (not a long-term peaceful nature) when we are always in a state of rush. I know that paychecks must be earned, that children benefit from sports, & that being involved in various activities can build character, but the real nitty-gritty truth is that we benefit far greater from true focus on our Father & from quality, well-spent family time. 


Looking beyond physical preparedness, I would venture to say that the P31W must also be ready for the Spiritual & Emotional seasonal changes that occur within her life & the lives of her loved ones. Marriages (even good ones) go through highs & lows. Children go through difficult developmental stages. Families endure painful stretching & growing pains. A godly woman, prepared by maintaining & pursuing her faith, guides & supports her family through these times. She better equipped to maintain a state of peace throughout these trying moments. 


Application
Work towards being physically prepared for the busyness of life. Strive to cut out unnecessary extras that make life more hectic than it ought to be. Pin up a calendar that lists all obligations of the week, make menus, buy ahead, etc. Endeavor towards maintaining a demeanor of peace so that it might radiate to your loved ones. 


Pray about hard times to come, the burdens your spouse bears, the years of questioning or rebellion your children might face...prepare yourself to be their support & confidant by seeking out scripture that will help in these times. 

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Styrofoam Trays: Busyness

Close your eyes (well I guess you can't read if your eyes are closed), imagine Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Day, or Easter...picture getting to that family gathering & inhaling the aroma of glazed ham & yeast rolls. Mouth watering yet? Set up before you, buffet style, is a smorgous-board of a feast. Now tell me, do you go for the small round dinner plate, or do you throw dieting to the wind & grab the Styrofoam tray (complete with 5 compartments just begging to old a little bit of everything)?  I don't know about you, but at my family get togethers that's a silly question...it's the Styrofoam tray every time! Ham, cheesy potatoes, macaroni & cheese, corn, green beans (not so much for me), 7-layer salad, deviled eggs, slaw, mashed potatoes, & best of all warm yeast rolls oozing with butter (my mouth's watering just typing about it!)...All this & I haven't even mentioned the goodies on the dessert table yet! The only problem is that Styrofoam tray doesn't have enough compartments for everything! Holiday food is the best food of the year & given the opportunity & rarity of getting it, you better believe we load up our trays & dig in! Sadly enough because the tray's too small (or appetite's too big) I only get a small sample of each item & even worse about a half hour after the meal (every single time) that dreadfully way-too-full felling rises up. It never ceases to amaze me that I don't think about that miserable after-effect until it's already in effect!

Over time it has dawned on me how much our lives resemble that loaded down tray of food. We are so busy! Every segment of our lives is filled with a side dish of activities or hobbies, obligation or acts of pleasure. We shove ourselves full of these things & then have to wonder why we don't even have time to think or to truly enjoy the things we are doing. Each holiday by the time I get to eat that delicious deviled egg, I'm so full that I'm merely eating it just so it doesn't get wasted. How often do we put things on our plate that we would really enjoy, but it turns out just to be a burden?

For years now, my pastor has been speaking to this issue, cautioning us against the Western culture's tendency to be busy...and over the years I have realized how right he is & how imperative it is to heed his caution. Again I want you to imagine something with me...think of your life as that Styrofoam tray. You have one large compartment for your main dish & second large compartment for your favorite side, & then several  little ones for any additional items you like. What is your tray filled up with (metaphorically speaking of course)?  Does God comprise the biggest segment? Is your family filling up the second largest spot? What takes up the remaining space? Work, travel, hobbies, your children's activities? Is your tray so full that you don't really & truly get to savor any of it, or even worse are the wrong things in the wrong compartments? Career in the main dish spot? Pleasure seeking in the second priority?

So often we think only of the need to purge our lives of sin, but Sisters, I truly think we must reevaluate this mindset.  Satan knows better than to steal our focus with the typical sins, but He deceptively lures us away with the busyness of our lives. A career, travel, hobbies, sports, volunteer work, Sunday school teaching, friends, & so on...those are good things. Just like all the side dishes at my holiday feast taste divine, so are these areas of our lives a delicious part of life...but all together they can often add up to that miserable full feeling. How often does a "side dish" interfere with the taste of the main course? At first it seems trivial to miss a Sunday at church because of a ball game, or to grab fast food & get home just in time to put the kiddos to bed because of long days at work or because of jetting all over from soccer practice to dance, piano lessons, & then gymnastics. Maybe it's even harder to see than that, a gift of ministry turns into an obligations, & that sprouts a seed of resentment. Our time, our focus, our thoughts, our passion can only divided in so many ways until at last no one or nothing truly gets the best we have to offer.

It's time to downsize to that dinner plate...to choose a main dish (hopefully your faith) & a couple of sides (family, friends, or etc) & to truly enjoy the taste & satisfaction that comes from consuming just enough. We are greatly dishonoring our Father when we give Him the last morsels of ourselves...we are jeopardizing the health (spiritual, emotional, physical) of our families when we just squeeze them in...we are poor friends when we haven't the time nor energy to truly listen & truly relate. Our lives were meant for more...God has prepared a feast of goodness for each of us, but that doesn't mean to make gluttons of ourselves...to indulge in every thing offered. We must choose what first glorifies the Father & secondly what builds His kingdom. We are far more effective when we enjoy & indulge in a few things well than when we overflow our tray. Be not fooled Sisters, your family, your husband, your children, your parents, grandparents, siblings, & etc are a mission field....be intentional in your enjoyment & efforts in that area. Do not view the removal from your life of certain things as a loss or missing out, but as an opportunity to really taste, enjoy, & offer your best to what remains on your plate.

I pray that the Aroma of the Spirit will waft upon you, that the Taste of God's love will Satisfy you, & that your Thirst will be filled in Him!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Clean House, Dirty Closets

I am an OCD, clean-fiend. Really, I am. I'm the kind of woman that drives her husband bananas because I have  a "place" for everything & a particular method to my madness. On our bed the decorative pillows have to be placed "just so" with the green on on the left & the brown one on the right, a source of  frustration to both my husband & I as he's colorblind & both colors look the same to him! I'm the kind of lady the immediately upon walking in the door from vacation must unpack all luggage, & start on laundry before I even take my shoes off...I'm that girl. My goal is to always have my house in such a state that company could pop in at anytime, & I am ready for them! So it comes as no surprise that the other day I was cleaning, & as I was doing so a rather mundane thought popped into my head. I had just scrubbed the bathroom & opened the linen closet to put away towels when a billion & one things rolled out. Grumbling to myself, I picked it all up & (very orderly) shoved it all back in. The door popped back open due to all the mess so as I shoved it closed once more, I had to wonder, if all of the rooms in my house are spotless, does it matter that my closets are a chaotic, cluttered mess? Is my house Really clean if the hidden places aren't?  Initially I thought, Absolutely it is! What matters is that if people came over they would see a very orderly neat house...so long as they didn't look too deep.

Somewhat proud of myself for that conclusion, I went about my merry way, tidying up the house & bragging to myself about how a mother of 3 could keep it all together, but the thought kept tickling the back of my mind. Suddenly that mundane idea went to a whole different level. God speaks to my heart in analogies & He tenderly yet firmly convicted me of this subject in a spiritual way. If my life looks godly & holy on the outside, does it matter that the hidden places of my heart & mind hold clutter & dirt? Am I truly "washed white as snow" if the shell of me is white, but the inside still has stains? Suddenly the answer "Absolutely" changed to "Absolutely Not". We are not perfect, but we are to strive to be perfectable. Our lives should be a continuous progression of "Spring Cleaning". As we abide in Christ & dive deeper into our faith, His love should permeate those secret, hidden dirty places. His grace should begin to dust & scrub away at our bitterness, pride, hurt, greed, envy, or whatever else we keep hidden from view & harbor deep within.  We cannot be content, I cannot be content merely with having an appearance of holiness without the inside matching that state. It is not enough to present an image of being clean...I would venture so far to say that it is hypocrisy & a stumbling block to others when we do so. The greatest complaint against Christian's is their walk not matching up with their talk & the truth is that what is on the inside (even if hidden) bubbles out. It's time to be transparent! How much more of a witness & an encouragement is it to the world, to openly acknowledge our imperfections, our status as a work in progress? The truth is that while we may fool others with the clean exterior, we hide nothing from Our Father. We serve a God who sees our innermost thoughts. He sees the hidden places  & His judgement comes from there, not the pretty presentation on the outside.  I am convicted to continue allowing the Lord to get His hands dirty scrubbing up the hidden places in my life, & I hope that you will too.
Psalm 139 speaks powerfully to this. Vs. 1-12, 23-24
Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
  You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
   You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
 too great for me to understand!
I can never escape from your Spirit!
  I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
 if I go down to the grave, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning
  if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.


Search me, O God, and know my heart;
  test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
  and lead me along the path of everlasting life