When I began my Proverbs 31 journey, nearly 7 years ago, I felt deeply that Abba would one day call upon me to share all that He was revealing to me. This journey of mine has been epic. I look back at the woman that I was & do not even recognize her. The pathway to understanding submission & God's role for my life as a woman was not a smooth one. Anything & everything that I share with you comes from a lesson hard learned. I write to you not as one who has perfected anything, but as one who shares out of admission of my shortcomings. The things that Abba has revealed to me have been convicting & my toes have been sore from being stepped on more often than not. When I open up in writing, I do so knowing that all who read it can see where I personally have failed...that is not a comfortable feeling. Countless are the times when I have overstepped my bounds in my marriage...Countless are the times when I am so hung up on envy & jealousy that I cannot see my own blessings...Countless are the times when my concerns & worries are set upon beauty & appearance rather than the heart....Countless are the times when I'm angry over what I don't have instead of thankful for what I do have...Countless are the times when I have embraced the world's expectations of women in neglect of Abba's...Countless are the times when I have been up on my high horse only to be knocked flat. I fail...quite often, but I know that each failure is an eye opening experience that allows me to more closely see the bigger picture...that allows me an inside view of my Father's heart. Each failure brings me a step closer to being that Proverbs 31 Woman that I so long to be...and so I embrace the hard knocks. When the chastisement comes from the Lord, it hurts, it's shameful, it's humbling, & from that point of repentance, I stand back up & try again...encouraged that I've learned a new lesson...or been reminded of an old one.
After 5 years of being a sponge & of soaking it all in, I began feeling a prompting to begin wringing it all back out. Nearly a year ago I began writing letters to the teenage/young women in my church, sharing with them some of the things that Abba had been teaching me. Not long after that the Lone Ranger & I entered the cyber world via satellite internet & my letter writing turned into a blog. Inasmuch as Abba has used that to allow me share with others, He has used it to keep me humbled, motivated, & on track. Quite content in the outlet of this blog, I was taken aback when I felt Him asking me to step away from the keyboard. A conviction that He would have me speak personally to women began to grow. In a combination of fear & of waiting upon the Lord, I just sat on that feeling hoping for some form of validation...to be honest hoping that He wouldn't require it of me. I'm fairly comfortable at my keyboard, writing my thoughts, sharing my mistakes, (not really knowing if you agree with me or not) but it is entirely another matter to speak face to face. Several months later I received a phone call from a dear friend asking if I would like to speak at the local church's women's retreat. Validation. I agreed & then prayed that Abba would make clear whether this was a one time gig or whether it would be more. Nerve wracking doesn't half describe my emotions leading up to that event. It was awful, & to my dismay I felt a sense of confirmation that Abba would ask me again to step out in such a way. I have spent the time since leaving that calling in the Lord's hands. I do not want to seek out such things...I do not want to appear as though I view myself as worthy of sharing...I do not want anyone to perceive that I see myself as further ahead than anyone else. As much I feel God's prompting to step out in such ways, I truly fear the way that might looks to others...perhaps if I am honest that is the reason I did nothing about His leading. I had nearly convinced myself that I'd just imagined it all when almost a month ago I was asked to speak at a Women's retreat/Mother's Day banquet this coming Spring. I am hugely honored & painfully humbled to have the opportunity to share Abba's love with some wonderful women in May...I have the next 3 months to seek, fret, & worry over that day, but I am certain of one thing...I am nothing without Him. I confess that I feel entirely unworthy to stand before anyone as though I have something of worth to offer. I ask you to pray for me, if you will, during these next few months. Anything that comes out of my mouth (or from my fingertips), I want desperately to be from the Lord & not of myself.
I share all of this not to gloat, please see my heart, but to encourage you. I am not unique in that I am doing things for God...we each are called to such things. I know that Abba has many plans for each of you...tasks that He would have you to fulfill. People whose lives can only be touched by YOU. Trust in that instinct...embrace the promptings...and when He puts an opportunity before you, step out in faith. P31W, we have so much to offer others, so much to share...even if it is only genuine friendship. Women need to know that there is someone out there who has been where they are, who has made it through, who is better because of it...they need someone to take their hands & walk beside them. I am nothing special. I am not unique. I am not anything more than anyone else. If anything can be said of me that makes me qualified to be used by Abba, it is simply that I'm available..I am willing. If you are willing, if you are available...Abba will use you as His hands, as His feet, & as His voice. He will bless others through you. You are a beautiful image of Christ. You are the delicate feminine side of God's nature. You are the part of His creation that completed His visible, relatable image. Embrace who you are in Christ...rejoice in the role He desires you to fill...let your light shine that others might know Him & His love because of you & your love.
Many of you knew my Grandmother, Donna Gentry. She was the epitome of the Proverbs 31 Woman. Grammie had a heart for the unborn, & most likely saved hundreds of babies from murder. She began a pregnancy care clinic in her hometown. She brought unwed mothers into her home. She was a marvelous woman. Many would look at all of the things she accomplished for the Lord, & would deduce that she was an extraordinary woman...I would say that she was an ordinary woman...an ordinary, everyday, lady who allowed Abba to work extraordinarily...mightily...powerfully through her. I know she'd say the same. The truly unique thing about my Grammie was that she was willing...she was available...& she never said no when God asked something of her. I want to be like that. I want to be a typical, normal woman who Abba uses for His glory. I know that you want the same. My heart is that we would each see that if Abba took the time to create us...individual, special, & unique unto ourselves...then He has done so for a purpose. May He allow you to see the precious thought He put into your creation today. May He allow you to feel special & treasured. Psalm 139
May He show you the plans that He has for you.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 " For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen.13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me."
Be Blessed!
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