We have a quite natural tendency to enjoy recalling days gone by, but I fear that we endanger ourselves when we allow our minds to taint the accuracy of those times. We remember the "good ole days" when in actuality some of those times should be termed "bad ole days." As we get chronologically farther & farther away from certain relationships & events of our past, we have a tendency to elevate them in our subconscious. Bad experiences & unhealthy relationships that harmed & scarred us at the time of their happening are sometimes remembered years later with great fondness & recollection of only the good. In & of itself this ability to alter our memories is not necessarily a bad thing, but for many of us this becomes an avenue by which we live in and long for the past rather than embracing our present.
I daresay that the mistress or paramour in many a marriage is the memory of a past lover. I venture to guess that quite often the discontent with one's current life situation or style is the inaccurate remembering of life in the past. Let's get down to the nitty gritty. For very many of us our spouse is not the first man (or woman) that we have loved (either emotionally or physically). It is quite common to have been deeply invested in another, nearly being & even actually being "one" with someone prior. These past relationships ended for whatever reason, & at the time of the ending we are well aware of what those reasons are, but down the road months, years, or decades later those reasons are often forgotten. We begin to soften the harsh realities of those relationships & instead begin to glorify the positive aspects. For example perhaps in a relationship a man was verbally abusive & degrading but after those episodes was the picture of romance. The relationship ends due to his abuse, but perhaps years down the road the woman begins building up the relationship in her mind. She diminishes her recollections of his abuse & exalts the romance that he displayed. She forgets the names he called her & the ways in which he belittled her, but remembers each rose he bought & every love letter he wrote. She begins to long for that kind of romance, to be resentful that her spouse is not as sensitive as Mr. Past. She begins to compare the two men in her mind & proceeds to be more & more discontent with Mr. Present as her jaded memories of Mr. Past become more & more appealing. She never speaks of this hidden war that wages in her subconscious but subtly her attitude towards her spouse begins to change. She becomes aloof, cold, & distant without even realizing it. She begins to nag & nit-pick Mr. Present. She fumes inside about the fact that he can't read her mind & know exactly what she wants. Her thoughts & day dreams transition from her husband to Mr. Past, & before long he is the man she wants. An emotional love affair has begun. Quite often that is where the affair stops, psychological & emotional adultery, but sometimes it goes further. The woman bumps into or reconnects with Mr. Past, & she allows her imaginings to become actuality. **Beware of the dangers that social media (texting, Facebook, & email) present. They make this re connection very easy & tempting**
I believe that many of us look upon our birthdays with impending doom. We dread & fear our Winter years. We waste them away by longing for & trying to regain our youth. We alter our image, our personality, & our morality to be what we once were (or even what we wished we once were). We become vain & needy for attention & affirmation...as if that will prove that we are still young & beautiful. We compromise our integrity & our maturity in favor of once again being the naive, giddy, silly school girl. Here's another example: Perhaps a woman recalls her teenage or young adult years, & in her recollections she fondly remembers any number of things. She sees old pictures & longs for the physique she possessed as a young girl. She goes to her class reunion & is reminded of how much fun she had. She sees young girls & is jealous of the attention they receive. She begins attempting to retrieve those "glory days". Surgery allows her to bring things back north that sagged south, to smooth lines, & plump up what's gone limp. Her attire no longer resembles what a woman her age out to wear, but looks like she raids her daughter's closet. Her friends are no longer her peers but are now the generation below her. She laments & mourns each birthday & lies about her age.
The posts that I write always stem from a personal conviction, & a sense of needing to bring out the struggles that we are afraid to admit we face. I do not believe that I can truly impact you unless I am utterly transparent, so with that being said here is something about this topic that I struggle with. A Personal Example: I am a mother of 3 beautiful little girls. In my nearly 5 years of marriage I have been pregnant more often than not...needless to say I do not now possess the body I had as a bride. I have been struggling with losing baby weight, with seeing sagging skin and (well that goes without saying). This body image has become a monster in my mind. I see pictures of my former self & long to look like that. I alternate between dieting & exercising in an attempt to regain that physique to binge eating because the quest feels hopeless. I feel undesirable to my husband & often misconstrue his words or actions as a sign of disinterest. I think of how I used to look, act, & dress, & now see my self as a flabby, drabby, prude. My mind has built up my recollection of my pre-baby self to the point that I often despise my current self.
Do any of these examples hit close to home? It is not my wish to bring condemnation or to step on toes, but to bring darkness to light. I share with you my own personal example so that you might see I am speaking to you out of my own conviction & desire to save you heartache. I truly fear that the embellishing of the past is a great obstacle we face. We cannot be content in our present & anxious for our future when we long for the past. We cannot be invested in our spouse, devoted to our marriage when we desire our altered version of Mr. Past. We cannot count our blessings if we feel that we have in some way been robbed of what was once rightfully ours. We cannot be fulfilled, righteous, Proverbs 31 Women when we despise our age & long to return to our former selves. Nostalgia does not have to be a bad thing, but it can be quite dangerous when it is not accurate. We do ourselves no favors when we allow our minds to transform past relationships & experiences into something more than what they were. I am not referring to laughing at oneself or finding humor in memories of bad choices & experiences. Hindsight is 20/20 & we should be able to put those things in clear perspective. I am not insinuating that we hold on to bitterness & hurt or that we should not forgive & forget. We should. The problem comes when we allow ourselves to fall prey to temptation & sin by allowing our minds to enhance, alter, or embellish the past thereby causing discontent with the present & dread of the future. Skewed recollections & embellished memories about our past have the lethal potential to make us ungrateful for & unrealistic about our present. Polluted nostalgia can & does destroy the potential we have for making an impact in God's Kingdom. Do not underestimate yourselves! God has given us power over our minds! We can control, restrict, & prohibit this alteration of reality.
2 Corinthians 10:5 "We also capture every thought and make it give up & obey Christ."
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