Til Death Do Us Part...

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Just this past weekend my family & I headed up to Bedford, Indiana for the Rainey Reunion. Driving along that long curvy, hilly, rugged (nauseating) road brought a flood of childhood memories to mind. I'll never forget the countless times my parents would load us all up in our Chevy Astro van to make a trip to visit Grandma & Granddad. As we made our way North, the landscape changed & to my childlike mind the jagged limestone formations appeared to be mountains. The winding road became more & more remote as we ventured out to my great-grandparents farm, & upon finally reaching our destination we would pile out of the van ready for adventure. Grandma would open the door with her faithful "Howdy-Do" & usher us in. Granddad would grin & cackle, embracing each of us as we came into their home. Always following our entrance was Granddad's predictable, "Ruth Esther, whatcha got in the kitchen" & off we'd go to find Fig Newtons & apple cider. I loved these visits to my great-grandparents house...they were full of adventures: trekking our way to the creek & waterfalls on their property, walking the fence line like a balance beam, discovering antiques & precious relics in the basement,swinging on the porch swing & eating cantaloupe. Even greater than all of this was to sit beside my granddad & listen as he began to tell stories of days gone by. I loved to listen to his memories of how he met my grandma & of his service during the war (WWII). He told of how the family made their way down from Canada in a covered wagon, all the way to Kentucky until some terrible weather sent them back up to Indiana. Granddad told of how the Lord's protection was always upon his life, & of how he loved "Ruth Esther" from the first moment he saw her. Grandma would sit in her rocker & smile, sometimes chuckling, & other times uttering "Oh, Virgil!" These moments are ingrained upon my memory.

As I neared my teenage years I became more & more fascinated with Granddad's stories & with the evident love that he & Grandma still shared. During our visits I began to notice that my sweet Grandma often seemed confused, forgetful, & struggled to remember what she had always so easily recalled. Her Alzheimer's disease had already taken great hold of her by the time I realized how very ill she was. I'll never forget one visit in which Granddad quietly told my parents of several scary incidents in which the stove was left of or of Grandma wondering outside. Tears fell from his eyes as he told them that the children felt it best that she go to a nursing home. My dad asked Granddad what he would do, & his reply was instant, "Where she goes, I go." Even then as a teenage girl, I choked up. Granddad was in good health, minus some knee trouble. He puttered around his farm, adored his corgi dog, & loved being home.  He told my dad, "When I married Ruth Esther I promised her that nothing would part us but death, I'll keep that promise to her." It wasn't long after that that our visits to Grandma & Granddad transitioned from scenic farm to nursing home. Before my eyes Granddad's health began to deteriorate as his lack of independence robbed him of his mobility. He & Grandma had to be in separate units of the nursing home. Grandma in the unit that specialized in her condition, Granddad on the regular floor. Daily he would get to visit Grandma for a bit, & when we came we always took him over to see her...to make our visits as normal as possible. Without her by his side, he seemed incapable of joy or even motivation, but of how his eyes lit up as we wheeled him over to her! To this day tears come to my eyes as I remember how it broke my Granddad's heart to have the love of his life forget him. He would sit & pat her hand & talk to her as she eyed him with veiled suspicion. Not unlike the movie "The Notebook" there were times when Granddad presence & ours caused Grandma to get anxious & riled. We would take him back to his room, visibly shaken & upset. There were several occasions in which family members, out of love & concern, would encourage Granddad to return to his beloved home, to remind him that Grandma didn't remember & that he would be healthier & happier there, but always his answer was the same. "I promised Ruth Esther, til death do us part. Where she goes, I go."

The last time I saw my Granddad, he sang a song to me. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..." His voice was weak, but his grip was strong as he told me he loved me & that he was proud of me. He met my then future-husband for the first & only time. He told me to tell Grandma he loved her & I blew him a kiss as we walked out the door. It was not long after that I received the news that Granddad had passed away. Several years later Grandma followed. I can still hear their familiar reference to one another's names...oh how they loved one another! Grandma's chastising, "Virgil!" & Granddad's husky, "Ruth Esther" gave me no doubt that they were one, one flesh, one heart, & one mind, united for all their days. I longed to have my husband say my name in the love-filled way that Granddad said Grandma's. I prayed that my marriage would look like theirs 50 years from now.

"Til Death Do Us Part", it is a vow that once meant so much...that was upheld & honored at all costs. Today marriages are ended all the time, & often many remain intact in name only. I'm not content with that...I want more. I want the eternal, fairy-tale love of my great grandparents. I want to know that when I take my last breath, it was done still loving my precious husband. I want to say his name with the familiarity that comes with 50+ years spent as one. When we married nearly 5 years ago, I took my granddad's promise to heart, & in my vows I told my husband, "May the Lord hold me accountable if anything but death should separate us." With all of my heart I still mean that today. For the rest of my days I will fight for, endeavor towards, & rejoice in the covenant we have made to one another. When I am old & gray, when my hands are gnarled & withered, when my voice is shaky, my heart will still beat for him...my eyes will still light up as he comes into a room, & my arms will still ache to hold him. Through the hills & valleys of our marriage I will bear in mind the legacy of love my great-grandparents passed down & I will be certain to leave behind that same tradition. "Til Death Do Us Part"...