Quality #4:
Love Their Husbands
Breakdown:
I love Mi Pueblo (a Mexican restaurant in my hometown). I love NASCAR. I love country living. I love dogs. I love reading. I love the mountains. I love my husband, John (a.k.a. the Lone Ranger).
Typically I would turn to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary for the proper definition of the word 'Love', but as you might have guessed from my list of 'loves', the English language (& our culture) has rendered the word meaningless. It's no exaggeration that Merriam-Webster's had nearly a dozen definitions of this one word. We 'love' many things...some of which 'love' us in return & some of which do not. We fling the word around with such carelessness that the emotion & thought behind the term are rarely differentiated when speaking of a 'love' of Mexican cuisine or a 'love' of our spouse. The word that describes the most intimate & powerful of emotions is the same word used to describe inanimate objects. Quite simply, we do not think about what we are saying...or (even worse),just maybe we have become so callous & so unfeeling that we do indeed mean to use the word 'love' interchangeably...and with the same degree of sentiment no matter who (or what) we are expressing our 'love' to. All that said, Merriam-Websters was inadequate in defining 'Love'...or at least the emotion that this scripture is speaking of. The Greek language is far better about having only 1 definition per word & so we will utilize that dictionary for this post. While we have 1 word that encompasses a dozen definitions, the Greeks have 5 entirely different words that very specifically differentiate between the types of emotion that we've termed 'Love'. It is worth noting that not 1 of the 5 definitions refer to an emotion towards an inanimate object (something lacking living/breathing life or a spirit).
Mania: an obsessive emotion to the point of insanity; manic. (example: Bieber Fever).
**This unhealthy emotion is prevalent among tween/young teenage youth in our culture when they become emotionally involved long before they are capable of dealing with such powerful
feelings. Domestic violence also stems from this type of emotion.
Storge: emotion that is parental in nature; stems from the lovee being dependent upon the lover
**Marriages in which spouses 'parent' one another very seldom survive.
Eros: passionate emotion based upon physical & mental excitement, attraction, & pleasure.
**Very temporary in nature. When the new & the excitement dissipates, the attachment fades as well
Phileo: affection born out of being similar in nature, having similar likes & dislikes, & through experiencing life together; friendship
**This emotion typically deepens over time as those in the relationship endure struggles & experience triumphs together.
Agape: a freely given, selfless, willing choice to put someone else first; love in action; lover gives wholly of his/herself to the lovee with no expectations of reciprocation.
**Biblical love used to describe the Abba feels about us. It is the same word used biblically to describe how we are to 'love' others.
Marriages begin (and end) for various reasons, but very often it has to do with a couple being (or no longer being) 'in love'. Many a couple has headed to the altar thinking that they are head over heels 'in love' when truly they are head over heels in Eros. Infatuation would be a good synonym for this type of emotion. When the new wears off, when their feet land back on solid ground, & when real life smacks them in the face, these couples rarely make it through. The foundation of their marriage was purely about the physical, mental, & emotional pleasure they derived from one another, so when that ends so does the relationship. Other marriages are Storge in nature. A mama's boy looks for, finds, & marries a girl just like his mama...only to discover that 1 mama is plenty. Women, full of a nurturing spirit, try to parent their husbands which results in husbands who resent being treated like children. Those marriages usually end too (if the spouses do not alter the nature of the relationship). Perhaps the most common foundation for marriage is Phileo, friendship. A man & woman meet,discover that they are very similar (common personalities, goals, standards, expectations, likes, dislikes, etc.), become good friends, evolve into 'more than' friends, & get married. It's an excellent foundation for marriage, & if the friendship is maintained these marriages generally survive...but even Phileo love is not quite what Abba had in mind for man & wife. Abba designed marriage to be Agape.
I wonder how many brides walk up the aisle with Agape thoughts running through their minds? During that long (or short) sojourn, how many women think about how selfless they are going to be towards their man or how they will give (and give and give) expecting nothing in return? I'd say the contemplations of most brides while heading towards their groom are vastly more romantic in nature & therein lies a problem. Our culture has an obsession with 'romance.' By 'romance' I mean "extravagant gestures of love" (Thank you, Merriam-Webster). From the time we are little girls, we are spoon fed storybook concepts of epic fairytale proportions. The emotion that is 'love' has a stiff measuring stick in the form of romance. Love letters, bouquets of flowers, cavalier gestures, extravagant gifts, & flowery words have become the standard by which a woman determines just how much a man 'loves' her...or how the lack of such displays just how little he cares. The more grandiose his gesture, the greater his love. Novels, movies, plays, t.v. shows, & etc. all feed this Romance Monster & in turn add to our illusion of what true love ought to look like...so much so that we wouldn't know real love if it did sweep us off our feet. It never seems to dawn on women that romance is very selfish in nature...encompassed by all of the sweet things men 'in love' are supposed to do for women. It never occurs to us that the whole idea of being 'in love' is entirely self-centered...revolving around how he makes us feel, & what he does to prove his love to us. Very often even gestures of a romantic nature made by women to their men stem from a desire to spur him to do something even more romantic in reciprocation. It's preposterous. What's even more ridiculous is that we have so bought into this 'romantic' definition of 'love' that we each play our part. In the initial stages of relationships men are very often gallant & chivalrous, showering their lady loves with the expected gestures...for a time. Inevitably at some point real life hits, adventure becomes normal, the Damsel becomes a nag & the Knight becomes a brute. The woman concludes that her man has fallen 'out of love' with her & they either go their separate ways or the relationship simply limps along through life.
Abba wanted so much more for His children...He intended marriage, & yes, 'love' to be so much more. I find it interesting that in all scriptures speaking to the relationships between men & women the focus is always Marriage & how spouses are to treat one another within the marriage relationship. 'Romance' & a call be 'romantic' are not present. There's no reference to being 'in love'...storge, eros, mania, or phileo. Truly in the Word, whenever 'love' of any form is spoken of, the word used biblically is most often Agape.
John 13:34
'A new commandment I give you, that you Agape one another: just as I have Agaped you, you are also to Agape one another.'
Even the most descriptive passage that speaks to 'Love' (& is used in nearly every wedding ceremony) speaks of something other than romance...it speaks of Agape. How different that passage comes across, how much more sense it makes, when we use the proper term...knowing what Agape means...
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
'Agape is patient & kind, not jealous, not boastful,
not proud, rude or selfish, not easily angered,
and it keeps no record of wrongs. '
Abba intended marriage to be Agape, to be love 'in action'. He intended it to be freely given & selfless in nature. He wanted a woman to wholly & entirely give of herself to her man...without care for whether or not he does the same for her. Abba wanted us to choose to serve our husbands...to choose to meet his needs & to be a blessing to him...whether he deserves it or not. The great power & significance of Agape is that it's not based upon a flighty emotion or selfish pleasure...Agape is a willing decision to put his wants & needs before our own, to give of ourselves for his benefit...it's a choice to 'love'. Abba intends for us to enter into the precious covenant of marriage, to walk up that aisle, with those thoughts on our mind...with that decision being made.
The Romance Monster that our culture has bred, that Satan birthed, sets marriage up for failure...and it makes that holy covenant the antithesis of what God intended it to be. The idea of 'romance' (such as is defined by novels) is just that...fictitious. Women believe with all their hearts that they will find it, (many think they have), but when the romance fades (& it will fade), they believe love is lost...they allow the precious covenant of marriage to be dissolved...very often in hopes of finding 'love' again. It's imperative that we as a believing culture redefine 'romance' according to Abba's standards. It's time for us to realize that there is no greater gesture of love than selflessness...than choosing to give, adapt, serve, & bless...than Agape. It's vital that we end the selfish habit of measuring 'love' by 'romantic' gestures, & begin defining 'love' as Abba would. We must train our daughters to seek a man who will Agape her rather than romance her. We must equip them to love their man in that way.
The importance of this trait, 'Love their Husbands' is paramount. There is great tragedy that occurs when buying into the ideology of any form of love other than Agape. The most obvious results are the colossal divorce rate & the impact upon families (children) of broken homes, but there is a travesty that far overshadows even that. Marriage, the union between a man & a woman, the holy covenant (binding agreement), was given by an invisible, intangible God to mere mortal man as a visual, tangible representation of His extreme & extravagant love for us. Marriage was provided as an analogy so that we, simple minded human beings, could slightly grasp the extent of an omnipotent God's love. The intention was such that a nonbeliever should be able to look at the 'love', the Agape flowing between a couple & begin to understand that God loved them in such a way...looking at such a picture would/should incite them to want a love such as that.
Ephesians 5:25
'Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..."
When we distort 'love', when we skew marriage, when we redefine it, when we make it something that it ought to not be (selfish)...when it becomes cheap, disposable, bitter, & ugly...we do something enormously deplorable...we (at best) make Abba's love unrecognizable & (at worst) make it wholly unappealing. When people, lost in darkness, no longer can find light as a guide, what hope do they have? When sinners, blinded by that nature, no longer have the fortune of a clear picture, how will they ever see? When 'love' is eros, storge, phileo, or mania...anything but Agape...it ruins the precious picture Abba painted of His love. Therefore, it is detrimental that we restore Agape not only to our vocabulary but most importantly to it's rightful place within our marriages. When Titus 2 calls us to learn to 'love our husbands' it is truly admonishing us to Agape them.
Application:
We are commissioned in scripture to Agape...anyone & everyone, but in terms of this post we are speaking of Agape within marriage. As readers there are 3 groups reading this post; Married Alreadys, Yet to Weds, & Singles.
Married Alreadys:
Some of you reading this post have already entered the marriage covenant. Some of you entered into that relationship with a 'love' other than Agape as the foundation. Some of you have years of married life under your belt & have experienced the disillusionment of the Romance Monster. Regardless of how or why your marriage began, regardless of it's health status at this current moment, there is hope for Agape with your spouse. This Titus 2 passage sets the expectation for godly women to love their husbands in this way...so start now. In this moment, where ever you are, whatever you're doing, choose to love your man selflessly...'love in action' that's what Agape is. He may not deserve it, & he may not Agape you in return...that's not yours to worry about. YOU are called (I am called) to Agape HIM. Your responsibility is to live that out...despite & in spite of how he loves you. Begin to Agape your husband (one conscious, selfless choice at a time) & watch how Abba touches his heart...and how you both discover the meaning of REAL 'romance." May I say, that I know firsthand there is no greater 'romantic' gesture than experiencing selfless acts of love...that is the epitome of love. If it is a struggle remember that you do this for a great purpose...that others might see your marriage & understand God's love.
Yet to Weds:
My hope for you is that this post has altered how you look at marriage, & most importantly that it will impact how you enter into this covenant in the future. I pray that you will prepare yourself to Agape your future husband, & that you will keep your eyes open for 'romance' that is Agape in nature. Storybook romance is not a good standard for measuring love...especially not godly love. I hope that you will make Agape the standard of love that you expect to have, & will determine to have in your marriage.
Singles:
Regardless of your marital status, you too are a bride...His bride! Your life, the way you act, & the way you treat others can & should still paint a picture of Agape. Be selfless, give freely, & expect nothing in return. Cultivate a servant's heart & put it into practice!
I pray that we as godly women will strive towards Agape in all areas of our lives, but especially within our marriages. I hope that we will grasp the importance of the picture we paint...that we will make it a clear & desirable representation of Abba's amazing love. Choose to Love...starting right now! Be Blessed!
Previous Titus 2 Series Posts:
Previous Titus 2 Series Posts:
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