Titus 2 Woman: Not Slanderers (Gossips)

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'Likewise, tell the older women to behave the way people living a holy life should. They shouldn't be slanderers or slaves to excessive drinking. They should teach what is good thus training the younger women to love their husbands & children, to be self-controlled & pure, to take good care of their homes & submit to their husbands. In this way, God's message will not be brought into disgrace."

Quality #2:

Not Slanderers (Gossips)

Other Translation Wordings:

Gossips (CEB), Not go around saying bad things about others (ERV)

Breakdown:

Slander: a false & defamatory oral statement about a person

Gossip: habitual revelation of personal or sensational facts about another

"Sticks & stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!"

Most of us learn that little ditty as children...and at an equally young age, most of us realize how stupid it is. I'd venture to guess that most of us have been wounded by words far more frequently & far more deeply than sticks or stones ever could. Nearly every hurt I can recollect was a result of hurtful statements...made either to my face or behind my back. I know that I am not alone in that. Gossip is a curse that nearly all women are plagued with...We are endlessly hurt by it, yet perpetually participate in it. 

The break down of this quality need not be complex...Gossip hurts feelings, divides friendships, & ruins lives. Psychological disorders, mental illness, & even suicide result from Gossip...we cannot diminish the impacts of slander. Very simply stated it is unacceptable for godly women to participate in such destructive behavior...and gossip is always, ALWAYS destructive. 

There are 2 roles being portrayed in any given Gossip scene; Deliverer & Recipient. The Deliverer of Gossip does the talking. She's the one who reveals the juicy & sordid details. She delights in 'knowing' things...she equally delights in divulging that information to others. The Deliverer very often does not have malicious intentions, indeed sometimes her transmitting of gossip stems from good ones. Perhaps her motive is to discover ways of helping the one whom she is gossiping about, or overflows out of genuine concern. Believing women often cloak gossip behind Christian jargon...intentional or not, this does not negate the harm of gossip. Here's an example: 'Bless her heart, Bri is having a rough time....' or 'So you can be praying for her...'

James 1:26

'If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.'

Proverbs 16:28

'A  dishonest man spreads strife, & a whisperer separates close friends.'

The Recipient is the hearer of the 'news'. She generally does not divulge gossip herself; merely nods her head, mumbles appropriate responses, tsks under her tongue, but certainly relishes in receiving the juicy details. The Recipient often feels blameless...all she does is listen, but not reveal the information herself. She gets a thrill out of being 'in the know' & feels virtuous for not being the Deliverer. The Recipient sometimes feels distress from having heard gossip, & then out of that distress unwittingly gossips herself when relaying the discomfort of her situation. She views herself as an innocent bystander rather than as a participant.

Proverbs 20:19

'Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.'

Proverbs 18:8

'The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.'

Proverbs 17:4

'An evildoer listens to wicked lips, & a liar gives ear to a mischievous tongue.'

 Nearly every woman, at some point or another, will fill both roles, but we typically find ourselves more frequently acting as one or the other...both are equally wrong. Regardless of motive, despite intentions, it is never beneficial to divulge information about another. Regardless of actually transmitting the gossip, despite merely being the recipient of it, it is never beneficial to receive information about another. Being the 'silent bystander', being the willing Recipient, provides an audience to the Deliverer & thus encourages her behavior...that in itself is just as hurtful & harmful. If a Gossip had no one to gossip to...

Proverbs 26:20

'For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.'

There is a common perception that if gossip is true...if the details are accurate...if the facts are correct...then that the passing along of that information is somehow permissible.  The definition of Gossip belies the fact that true or false, right or wrong, transmitting of negative information is gossip. True information & accurate facts can still be destructive. If is does not edify, if it does not enhance the integrity of individual, then it does not need said. Thumper said it best, 'If you can't say nothing nice, don't say anything at all."

Ephesians 4:9

'Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that is may give grace to those who hear.'

Application:

Depending upon your predisposition to either be Deliverer or Recipient, there are several ways to begin combatting this sinfully innate tendency to Gossip.

Deliverer: The age old adage, 'Think before you speak' is priceless wisdom. Begin to practice it. Consider your words prior to speaking them. Ask yourself a few questions:

1. Would the subject of this conversation be comfortable with the content?

2. How would she/he feel if the conversation got back to them?

3. Will the content enhance or destroy the Recipient's opinion of the person being discussed?

If the answers to these questions are in the negative, then bite your tongue. I stumbled across this acronym & it is prime for this topic

Think Before You Speak: Is It?

T: True

H: Honest

I: Inspiring

N: Necessary

K: Kind

Recipient: Scripture makes it clear that any involvement in gossip, any role, is wrong. Avoid situations in which gossip occurs. If gossip begins, leave the situation. I would even encourage becoming bold about halting gossip. Vocalize an unwillingness to participate, & allow no room for it to continue. The same questions that the Deliverer should ask herself can be used by the Recipient to determine if a conversation is beneficial or destructive. 

Alternative: We have such a propensity to lean towards & focus on the negative, & we have more than enough evidence of how harmful that negativity can be. Consider if we would exert such effort towards discussing the positive. Imagine the impact of having positive, uplifting, & encouraging 'Gossip' return to you rather than hurtful. Consider how it would feel to overhear praises about you rather than criticisms. When my husband & I went to premarital counseling we received a fantastic piece of advice that has blessed us over & over. We were told to frequently & publicly brag on one another, knowing that all who heard would have a higher opinion of our spouse & that sooner or later the spouse his/herself would get wind of the praise. This same principle would be a wonderful alternative to gossip. Let us begin to sing one another's praises rather than highlighting faults. 

One final truth about gossip is that very often both Deliverer & Recipient participate in the behavior out of self-consciousness, jealousy, & insecurity. We must be honest with ourselves & get to the root of why we engage in Gossip. Step 1 is to end our participation in gossip, but equally important is Step 2 of discovering why we do it...and remedying the problem. When we become fulfilled in who we are, when we have pure integrity, & acknowledge the unique beauty that Abba placed within us...the urge to gossip will be lessened. I do not know that conquering Gossip once & for all is possible...I  think it will always require diligence & effort, but I do know that the diligence is worth the effort. To spare heartache & hurt, to uplift & encourage are most certainly worthy of all attempts to slay the beast that is Gossip. This pursuit is just one more step in the journey towards becoming a godly, Titus 2 Woman. Be Blessed!

Previous Titus 2 Series Posts:

• Becoming a Titus 2 Woman
• Titus 2 Woman: Setting the Stage
• Titus 2 Woman: Mentorship
• Titus 2 Woman: Behavior