Romeo & Chivalry: The Day that Romance Died

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'O Romeo, Romeo! Where for art though, Romeo?'

Arguably one of the most famous lines in all of classic literature, I would imagine that for many, simply reading that line creates a mental image. Did you envision a gorgeous Juliet on a vine covered stone balcony? Did you picture her leaning over its ledge & peering down into the thick woods below? Did you imagine Romeo, with muscles bulging, climbing the stone edifice to get to her? Did you sigh with longing for such a romance as that between she & Romeo?  Book worm that I am, I confess that I've never read that saga of Romeo & Juliet (not beyond this famous scene at least). I've only ever seen this one scene acted out & referenced time & again in countless other books & movies, but the image of this epic romance & that infamous line have been burned into my mind...because the truth is that I long for a romance like that...nearly every woman longs for a romance like that...

I am going to pause here & give a small disclaimer about this post; I am unapologetically an anti-feminist. I have a viewpoint about womanhood that to many seems uber traditional & archaic in nature (one that is derived from my study of God's Word), but sisters let me say this, I have spent my whole life hearing the feminist argument & witnessing the ramifications of that mindset...it's time for the other side to have a voice. That said if just reading this disclaimer has made you bristle, it would be wise to simply close this post.

I can't even calculate the number of times I have wondered why romance, such as the one described above, no longer exists. Oodles & gobs of romance novels attest to the fact that surely there must have been,surely must still be, epic & passionate love. Surely there are still Mr. Darcy's & Mr. Bingley's out there? (Price & Prejudice, by Jane Austen) Or Laurie's, John Brooke's, or Friedrich's? (Little Women, Louisa May Alcott) I can't tell you the number of times I have heard women bemoan, gripe, & complain about men's lack of chivalry. Men don't open doors, pull out chairs, offer their arm, or escort you by the small of your back. Men don't throw their coats upon mud puddles, send luxurious bouquets of flowers, assist you into the carriage..errr...car, or speak epic words of love. Why? Why is chivalry dead? Sisters, chivalry didn't merely die...it was murdered! We, or at least we as a feminist gender, have killed it. 

Small history lesson. At the end of the 19th century the first Suffrage movement began, women wanted the right to vote. The main agenda of this movement was the idea that women are capable of doing anything a man can do. During the First World War, men went off to fight & women went to work, mostly in factories. When the war ended & the men returned, most women quit working & returned to the role of homemaker. Twenty some years later upon the outbreak of the Great Depression & the U.S. entering the Second World War, history repeated itself. Men went to war, & women went to work. Here is where the repetition ends. When war ended in 1945 men returned home, but many many women continued working. The economy began to thrive again, & families scarred by the years of poverty enjoyed & fully appreciated having money again. Even then, with many women working outside of the home, values remained fairly traditional, but the baby boomer generation was born & they watched their mothers join their fathers in trekking off to work each day. They grew up knowing no different thus when the daughters grew up they too went to work. Suddenly working women began to realize that they didn't earn as much as working men, & this ignited the second wave of the feminist movement. The overriding thought of this new resurgence was that women & men are 'equal' in every way. During this time women combatted a 'sexist' cultural trends & political agendas. Roe vs. Wade occurred (legalization of abortion). The early 1990's brought a 3rd rise in the Feminist movement with the concept, perhaps not openly voiced, that women are better than men. I daresay that the increase of homosexuality, it's more accepted practice, & the fight for gay marriage are further evidence of what this movement is yielding...both genders are deciding they are better off without the other. 

Again I pause to make another disclaimer. I am not saying that the feminist movement in it's entirety is wrong. Should women have the right to vote? Absolutely. Are women equal to men? Yes. Here is where I diverge from the movement. We are EQUAL, but we are DIFFERENT...this acknowledgement changes my whole perspective. Please keep in mind I am not speaking to the right or wrong of women having careers...I'm in no way advocating that all women be stay-at-home-moms nor judging working women. I am speaking to the nature & persona we as products of the Feminist Movement have embraced.

'O Romeo, Romeo! Where for art thou, Romeo?'
Above I described the mental imagery that pops into the minds of many women, but I would wager that there are those who read that line & who smirk. They wouldn't be caught dead weeping & fretting over some man. They don't need anyone & certainly not a man to feel beautiful, to be happy, or to achieve success. They view women who do as spineless & weak. I have heard these very women join in with the griping about the death of chivalry...but woe to the man who tried to open her door or pull out her chair. I'm not condemning feminist women, but I am saying that it's time to quit straddling the fence & consider the greater ramification of this idealism.

Envision if you will the Romeo & Juliet scene again, but let me describe what it would look like in today's world. A gorgeous Juliet is standing on a vine covered stone balcony, & below is Romeo. Juliet leans out over the edge & hollers, "Romeo, get up here!" Romeo scrambles in haste to do as ordered, knowing that if he doesn't he's in for a tongue lashing. When Romeo attempts to convey to Juliet how stunningly beautiful she is, every compliment is twisted into a complaint. He says she has an alluring figure, she accuses him of calling her fat. He says she has eyes that sparkle like diamonds, she assumes he means the rest of her is ugly. He brings her a red rose, & she's mad because he should know that yellow roses are her favorite...Romeo finally admits defeat & slunks away like a scolded child. Juliet whips out her smartphone, updates her Facebook status to 'Romeo's a jerk!', & texts her girlfriends about how insensitive he is. I'm not exaggerating here, well maybe slightly, but this scene does play out daily, multiple times a day, & in countless relationships. 

Sisters, that's not fair. We can't have our cake & eat it too. We cannot demand romance & sensitivity & then accuse those actions of being demeaning. We cannot demasculate men & then expect them to treat us like priceless treasures. We cannot say to men, 'I am better than you' & then expect them to act like Prince Charming. We can't dress like men, act like men, talk like men, & then expect a man to find that attractive...

We aren't men. We weren't created to be like men. If the role of men was all that was needed then Abba would have stopped creating at Adam, but He didn't. Abba designed Eve, feminine in nature. He designed woman with needs, wants, abilities, & expectations all her own. He created her to fill a void that only a feminine creature can fill. Abba made her different. He made her nurturing, sensitive, emotional, & craving of love, & He made man with a desire to be her hero. I don't know about you, but I don't envy my husband's gender or the obligations, roles, & expectations that come with being a man (& regardless of arguments, biblically, there are defined roles for men & women). I don't want to look like a man, act like a man, or talk like a man...I want to be woman, the creation made to fulfill the void.

For generations we, as women, have allowed this creation to be distorted. We have fought for & bullied our way into the roles a man is meant to fill, & now we are angry that men do nothing & call them weak. We 'rescued' ourselves from our trials, became our own Knight in Shining Armor, & now are mad that Prince Charmings are hard to come by. Little girls are taught from birth to be strong & independent women...they daydream about slaying the dragon before Prince Charming does, not about being rescued by him. Little boys grow up seeing their mommy boss their daddy, & learn to do whatever a woman says...they don't learn to lead or to be the hero...there's no princess or damsel in distress to rescue. That's how chivalry & romance die...they are murdered by the Princess who saves herself, by a girl who can do it all & doesn't need a man...which would all be well & good if that princess didn't then long for romance, or if God had created things to be that way. It's no coincidence that divorce rates have skyrocketed since the Feminist movement. It's not ironic that marriage itself is occurring less frequently. It's not surprising that families are filled with tension & households don't run smoothly...most homes have 2 fathers (not referring to homosexuality) or a mother taking on the father role while the father takes on the mother's. Both spouses wear the pants in the family...too many chiefs & not enough Indians as the saying goes.

Do I go too far? I don't think so...for over 60 years the Feminist Movement has made it's opinion heard loud & clear...and the ramifications are sadly evident. It's time for God's people to return to His vision for men, for women, for marriage, & for families. It's time for women to embrace their feminine nature, & for men to relearn how to lead. Despite the effects of this movement, the heart of women still longs for epic romance, still desires chivalry...because the Creator designed her that way...& He created man to be her hero. It will take time & a considerable amount of effort to unlearn old habits, & to relearn new ones. It will take biting our tongue, & allowing our man to lead (even when we think/know we could do better). It will take enormous strength to admit that we have been wrong, & it will be uncomfortable to be remolded, but it will be vastly worth it. I know because I've been through it. I grew up buying into the feminist ideas. I grew up longing for a prince but being ashamed to admit it. I sabotaged relationships because I demasculated men & then berated them for being unromantic & insensitive. Abba convicted me, Abba changed my heart, & Abba began a work in my life. I am the wife of a wonderful Romeo. He leads our family, & I follow. I would say that I am stronger now than I ever was...because I allow myself to be who I was designed to be. I CHOOSE to be a feminine woman with EQUAL but DIFFERENT roles to fill...and if that doesn't say how strong I am, I don't know what does. It's time to quit straddling a fence & to pick a side. If you stand by your feminist convictions then quit expecting to be treated like a princess, & if you long for romance then yield the idea that you are NOT the same as a man.

Perhaps you are wondering why I am so fired up about this topic on an early Tuesday morning...I assure you it's not merely because I am a die hard romantic or that I am sick of hearing griping about it. I'm passionate about this topic for 1 reason. The Bible uses the picture of marriage, of a love relationship, as visual imagery so that mankind might understand how Abba loves us. When we skew & distort that image...when we neglect to be who He created us to be, we alter that picture...we alter sinners ability to understand God...they begin to picture Him & His relationship with us as something it is not. That to me is a big deal. More than the need for romance, more than desire to understand my identity, I want nonbelievers to be able to envision a God that wants to save them. I want them to be able to see that they are Damsels in Distress (Sinners in need of saving), incapable of rescuing themselves, but in need of a Hero (a Savior that is Christ Jesus). I want them to long for an eternal, passionate love & to see that there is a chivalrous Prince Charming who's just waiting to offer it, but when I make that picture unappealing...well why would they believe that story?
Sisters, lets revive romance...let's restore fairy tales...let's present the ultimate love story in the correct way.
Be Blessed.